How long did it take you to get over his cheating?

Question

In the past year I found out my husband was having an affair, I asked him to leave and filed for divorce, he changed his mind several times about who he wanted to be with and when I did decide to give him another chance he was faithful for about two weeks. I returned from a vacation and he sat down across from me and began telling me all about a new activity he had started - I find out later with the other woman. He bought a house with this woman 4 weeks after we separated. He moved in 8 months after we separated. He introduced our son to her 4 months after and I had to put him in counselling to get him through that. I have done my best to get past all this stuff and I do believe I am getting there - slowly but surely. We were married for 13 years. Sometimes I feel I am too hard on myself - that I should be totally over all this by now. But I still have my bad days. So I am curious - how long did it take you to get over your divorce??

I should add - I did divorce him.

Answer 1

I agree with everyone here.. I too have been cheated on and it never truly goes away... It only hurts less with time... I don’t think it matters if you where with the person for a year or 20 years. The feeling, rejection, embarrassed and so on is the same.

Plus you two have been married for 13 years.. he cheated.. Wanted it to work.. Tried again only to find out he is up too no good again. You where burnt by him TWICE. This is a scare that isn’t going away here anytime soon. Most of it is because you are having to deal with him so much because of your son.

Introducing your son to her is another huge set back. The slap just relived threw your son. Kids are not stupid they know what dad did was wrong. Now he too is fully feeling it. And feels stuck in the middle. I can see how its affecting both of you .. It will take time ... a lot of time.. A lot happens after something like this happens... Single again. Managing things on your own.. the child... and so on.

Plus you feel like you stuck because you don’t know if you can trust another man again.

As long as he is around time to heal will take a longer period. All of this doesn’t go away quick enough. Doesn’t matter how strong of a person you are, it can take years to get over it.

For me its only been 5 months since it happened and it feels fresh like it happened yesterday. I know for myself it will be years before I can really get over it. The incident will never leave my mind thou, only pushed more to the back.

You are being too hard on yourself. Don’t feel guilty or mad at yourself for not getting over it as quick as you want or when you think it should be forgotten about. It affects people differently, time, energy, reminders and so on.

Answer 2

Hi. I don't think that you ever really "get over" it. You can forgive someone, but you can never really forget. My ex husband cheated on me several times. I took him back 4 times. But I should tell you, it was never the same. The trust just wasn't there. I was never really sure of where he was or what he was doing (or who with). We have been divorced for almost 5 years now and I still have my bad days. There are times that I sit and wonder what did I do to make him hurt me so bad. It was just recently that I realized that it was not my fault. Some relationships, married or not, just were never meant to be (as bad as it is to say that). Me and my ex husband have a 6 year old son together, and my son doesn't even know who he is. One thing that keeps me from dweeling on "what could have been", I realize that even though this was not the man that I was suppossed to spend the rest of my life with, God put him in my life for a reason. He gave me a beautiful son out of it and I would never change that. I have also learned things from this ex relationship that I never knew I needed to learn. I went thru a rough time after my ex and I split up, but there were so many lessons that helped. I spent some time to work on MYSELF. I needed this. Once I was happy with myself and stopped blaming myself, everything started picking up for me.
Things like this is always hard, but keep you head up and don't blame yourself. Nothing you could have done would have made him stay faithful. Apparently he had issues of his own. Take some time for yourself and let yourself heal. It will take time. But you'll find out things about yourself that you will never have known you needed/ Keep your head up. It will get better....Good luck and I wish you all the best!

Answer 3

13 years is a long time to think you were with someone you could trust. Don't be too hard on yourself, I'm sure this has been devastating! It takes along time to get over anyone deceiving you when you care about them, let alone being married to them. It's been hard for me to trust men since my situation, but I have realized that all men are not alike, so it's not impossible to trust again or get over the divorce. Impress upon yourself that it was his loss and not your and you deserve the best. Be patient, it will come! I'm sorry for your break-up and wish you happiness!!

Answer 4

This is why I don't have kids! I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I feel bad because right now I am the other woman. I would not blame yourself. I am sure you will go on to be stronger. Us other women do think about you wives we are hurting. Atleast I do. He'll probabley cheat on her too. Also their relationship is bound to fail because she will never be able to trust him. Trust me when I say that, so just sit back and take care of yourself. When you see their relationship crumble have a good laugh!

Answer 5

sure, yet, on condition that the cheater is keen to make some severe habit transformations (ie - do no longer assume any have faith or privateness ever back) to reassure the cheated that it will no longer take place back. And it has to by no ability take place back. Odds are heavily against that association working, or being gratifying as a relationship. i will no longer likely stay with my cheater as quickly as the toddlers attain 18. in spite of she does. I ask myself on a daily basis: am i able to stay with this for yet another 6 years?

Answer 6

You did divorce him. Good for you. You will definately be better off without him. As far as getting over it. Only time will tell. Everyone is different. Some people never actually get over it but they do move on with life and it won't seem like such a big deal.

Answer 7

You are not too hard on yourself! My husband cheated on me after being married for one 1 year (we were friends for 2 years, dated for a year and engaged for a year before that). It took me TWO YEARS before I was ready to trust another man again! If that was after one year, I don't know how long it would've taken after 13 years of marriage.

There's no set time, you'll heal in time. In the mean time, don't blame yourself or be too hard on yourself. You're hurting and that's understandable.

Answer 8

I am about to go through a divorce for the same reason youare divorced.It is just so hard to just finally up and leave.I trully wish you the best.I know that this may not answer your question because i have the same question but what i can say is that it will be hard !!

Answer 9

Everyone gets over it in their own personal time frame. It took me about 4 years to get TOTALLY over my divorce. Personally, I think that was a bit long in retrospect. However, it may take you a long time to trust yourself enough to give someone a chance.

Answer 10

I would never get over it..Cheating is the lowest you can go..cheating is the only reason for divorce, the bible says it. For anyother reason you work it out but cheating is nasty and puts you in danger in many ways, emotional, diseases, financially, everyway you can think of. I would get the divorce and find a man with morals.