Well I am not trying to complain here...just trying to understand how to deal with a mom in law who always makes rules. I am forced to become 'the obidient' daughter in law everytime she makes the rules. I dont mind if she interferes in the big decisions...but not in every small detail of my life!! ...even about what i wear! for God's sake ..dont you feel its too much interference in ones life!!
I really dont want to say anything bad to her...cos i know thats the way she is bought up...how do i intelligently deal with this...how do i become a little more assertive and still not hurt her feelings!?!? Please help.
And my mil has come to visit me here for a couple of months and am having hell of a time dealing with her!
2007-04-17 05:41:42 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If it was my mom micromanaging(she never did)...I would have bluntly told my mom to back off....cos my mom does not get hurt and knows me very well.
But its not the same with my MIL... she does not know me very well...and chances or her getting hurt or having negetive feelings towards me is more when i try to resist her rules! Hope u got what i mean...its really easy to hurt her...but am just being obidient cos i know she is gonna be here only for a few months...and i dont want her to leave my place with sore feelings...
2007-04-17 06:02:46 · update #1
Does your mother in law ride her broom side saddle?
2007-04-17 06:20:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Your mil is visiting for a COUPLE OF MONTHS?!?!?!?! OMG!!!
OK, you need to set some ground rules here. Your mil is running your life because you and your hubby are letting her. You guys need to stop letting her. When she tells you what to wear, tell her you're wearing what you feel is comfortable, and it's appropriate for whatever you're doing, and leave it at that.
And, if you let her interfere in your big decisions, why wouldn't she think she can interfere with the small ones? You have to kindly, but politely, tell her that you're an adult capable of making your own decisions, thank you very much. And move on.
You probably should talk with your hubby about this. First of all, she does NOT need to be visiting for MONTHS. Send her home where she can bug someone else. He needs to tell her that she cannot interfere in your lives. However, I think you guys have let her interfere, and you may have even married what's known as a "momma's boy."
You also need to realize that you have to be assertive here, that's the operative word. It's not your problem if her feelings are hurt by that. Her feelings are not your concern here, as long as you remain kind, courteous and polite. In the end, she'll respect you (and it sounds like she doesn't right now), and that's so much more important than her feelings being hurt or not hurt.
Respect isn't given, it's earned, so earn hers!
Good luck to you and your hubby. And get rid of her!!! Send her HOME!!!!
2007-04-17 05:53:43 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
AHHH the joys of a mother-in-law!!! Mine does the same thing except she also plays 20 question with my daughter about our finances. Question like....."how much does your mother pay to get her hair done?" and "How much does your family pay for rent?" and "Can your mother afford to send you to camp this year?"
I tried to ignore it until Thanksgiving when she called me an A$$hole to my daughter because we didn't go over there for the holiday. (my husband was working) I then very calmly told her that I did not appreciate her use of that kind of language around my child, she then proceeded to scream at me in the foyer of her house.
What ultimately ended the situation on a good note was that my husband called her and set her straight..... basically that I was his wife....I could make my own choices...... and that if she wanted a happy family she would need to respect me as his wife.
Good luck.
2007-04-17 05:52:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely agree with basketcase. I have seen mother in laws destroy marriages. You must protect your marriage, even from your hubby's mommy. She has no right to butt her big nose into your lives, and how dare she feel entitled to! I would be very offended by her attitude, and not formost concerned about her feelings- is she considering your feelings? I would tell her it's time for her to leave, and that YOU are the woman of this house, not HER.
2007-04-17 06:04:53 · answer #4 · answered by Erin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and understand that just as our mothers micromanaged us as kids she loves you and her son and wants what is best for the both of you.
If she is doing it to be ugly, mean or spiteful then she needs to go home as you do not need to accept that behavior.
If she is doing it out of love try to just grin and bear it. Vent to your hubby in private and he will love you even more once he realizes just how much you care for him by dealing with your mother in laws idiosyncrasies.
2007-04-17 05:55:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her rules ONLY apply in her household, NOT yours.
You and your husband need to set boundaries with her. Both of you must be firm, stick to the plan, and not let her manipulate in your business any longer.
Don't give her the upper hand, or just shrug it off because you are married to her son.
2007-04-17 05:58:59 · answer #6 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone needs to tell her to back off. It would be best if your husband supported you in telling her how you feel. It is his mother so he should be the one speaking up the most. Maybe he is ruled by her also and afraid to say anything---I don't know.
2007-04-17 05:47:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When she decides she needs to correct something you are doing, smile and say "I am sure your way is good also, but this is the way I prefer........"
This is sort of a nice way of saying MYOB (Mind Your Own Business).
2007-04-17 05:54:26 · answer #8 · answered by don n 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you give into your MIL now she will expect you to do so everytime she visits.
2007-04-17 06:27:13 · answer #9 · answered by JJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say to her (respectivley) - that's your wonderful opinion - thanks! Each and every time she butts in or offers without having been asked. Use those words and do it with as much sweetness as you can muster up!
2007-04-17 05:49:05 · answer #10 · answered by martiek7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋