Does my husband love me or not?

Question

My husband says things to me like: Your selfish and always want your own way, you don't beleive me, don't think i'm just going to beleive things you say 100%.These things really hurt me, and i cannot beleive he feels so strongly inside like this. I asked him, if you truly feel these things about me then why don't you leave me? He says because he loves me. I don't understand how a husband can think or even say such things to his wife, and still feel that he loves her. Even yet, when i am working out he makes comments at me and say "Ummm, you look so sexy, etc...and physically wants to touch me all over and kiss all over me. Can someone PLEASE explain this to me what is going on? I am so confused by my husband. I wonder is he trying to push me away, is he cheating, is he waiting for me to end our marriage etc,etc....????

Answer 1

ask him

Answer 2

Well, I think he still does love you and want you from what you said in your question. But many men are not too good at sitting down and saying 'Darling, lately I feel you are taken me for granted' etc, so tend to blurt out these stupid remarks in anger or frustration. I would personally sit him down and ask him calmly why he says the things he does and ask if there is an underlying problem. If he does really love you and wants the marriage to work he will begin by being open and honest with you and talking about the problems he encounters in the marriage. Also, could it be outside stress that he is experiencing and taking it out on you? For example, have you noticed he is more stressed at work, drinks more etc. It sounds like a lot has fallen on him at once and he is taking it out on you (which is not good) and that there maybe small underlying things perhaps that is annoying him. Please explain to him that the comments hurt and that there is a tolerance limit within you before you get too hurt by such actions/sayings and a point where things can't always be so easily repaired. If he won't talk to you or continues his pity comments, then i would say the problem lays more with him than you. Perhaps if all of the above does not work try suggesting counselling? Good luck and I hope he stops hurting you with the comments and you enjoy a happy marriage together. But pls don't keep it bottled up inside - thats a recipe for disaster!!

Answer 3

I can understand, words can be hurtful more so then physical happenings. Have you tried talking to him? Ask him why he says these things, ask if there is something you can try working on changing. It takes two for a relationship to work. I feel there is a problem but only you can find the answers, as far as him being attracted to you- you have to put that aside he is a man and all men think differently when it comes to sex regardless how they feel about someone. I feel he loves you but maybe somewhere down the line he has taken advantage of that love and now you both need to talk to see if you can find that love again. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Is he angry with you when he says these things? If so, that's called a fight, and married people have them all the time.

There's an expression, love and hate are 2 different sides of the same coin. Think about it. You love your husband dearly, but isn't he the one person on this planet who drives you absolutely nuts? He makes you angrier than anyone else, right?

However, it sounds like you guys may not fight fair here. If so, you need to work on that. Making personal remarks while having a disagreement isn't fighting fair, but every married couple does it, especially early in the marriage. Try to talk with him about this while you guys AREN'T angry with each other. Tell him how his remarks made in anger make you feel. Don't turn it into a personal attack on him--and that will be easy to do. Tell him "When you say '_____' to me, it makes me feel '______'." Marriage counseling may be helpful as well.

Answer 5

He has some resentment and trust issues. Doesn't mean he does not love you, break it down a little:
1) You always want your own way- Is this true? Do you compromise easily, or are you pretty stubborn? His accusation of selfishness on your part, is the conclusion he has drawn because of what he knows about you. Instead of taking this as an insult, take it as constructive to better yourself. He is pointing this out to you because it bothers him. It is up to you to recognize that you are not perfect, and that your spouse is going to see your faults and that they are going to affect him.
2)You dont believe me- Im not going to believe you. Sounds like a bit of a game. He has some resentment about something. You need to get to the bottom of this by confronting him and making him explain himself the next time he says it. This is not ok.
3)You say you wonder if he is cheating or waiting for you to end it- which shows that you too,have trust issues. You guys just need to be real with eachother and decide to trust until you are given a reason not to, instead of the other way around..Good Luck to ya, you sound just like me and my hubby used to be!

Answer 6

Stop trying to figure his sorry azz out. Focus on YOU. If you don't like how he's treating you, then you are the only one that can make it stop. People treat us exactly how they CAN. You take his crap and there's no price to pay, so what's his worry? You need to let him know that you need honor and respect from him, and not just pawing at your body when the mood hits him. Somebody out there would appreciate ALL aspects of you! He may love you, but he loves you the wrong way. You need to let him know that he cannot talk to you like that anymore, because it hurts, or you'll be gone. I do not think he'll leave you. He thinks he's in control....and feels he can say or do whatever he wants and you'll still be there. You are a beautiful woman...and if you're not being treated right, then take care of yourself, and get out of this, if you're so unhappy. Life is too short. In my opinion, he can either stop talking to you like that, or he can ride OUT on the same horse he rode IN on. If you want something better, the power is within you.

Answer 7

It sounds to me like he loves you, but you have some selfish ways that make him very unhappy. Maybe it would help if you guys went to see a relationship counselor; a counselor would help you understand why your husband thinks you're a little selfish, or could help your husband understand why what you're doing isn't selfish at all. This isn't worth ending a marriage over, it's just one of the hard times that need work.

Answer 8

I think a man who is this way is immature, selfish & just acts on impulse, not considering the emotional consequence on you, or your relationship. His idea of love is probably that he loves how you & your relationship benefit him. I understand your confusion- I went through the same thing. Maybe you could talk to him about how much this bothers you & suggest marriage counseling to him, and, unfortunately if he refuses to do anything to improve the marriage, then you may eventually decide that you deserve someone who is sincerely concerned w/ the condition of you & your marriage. sorry & good-luck-

Answer 9

Yes, your husband does love you. He chose you over any other woman in the world, of course he loves you. Sure, he may have outbursts here and there, but then he redeems himself by saying things like "you're sexy." etc. etc.
What you need to do is sit him down, and tell him how it makes you feel when he talks to you nastily. If you handle this in a calm manner, I'm sure he'll understand.

Answer 10

discuss the possibility of counseling and see if you can work this out. Sometimes people need to get real with what they may do wrong that effects people in an adverse way. Hope this helps a little bit.

Answer 11

My personal experience, hes trying to control you. Make you doubt yourself you wont be as confident, they like to try to control your mind into thinking what he wants you to think. also after so many years of hearing these things you will begin to believe them and if you are like me when he touchs you all you think and hear are the nasty words that come out of his mouth so very often. It ruins a marriage and ruins a womans self confidence. Please either tell him to knock it off or move on, I dont want to see any more women in the same boat that i am in because of a man. Good luck to you