Do I choose my lover over my husband?

Question

I've been married for 2 years, and cheated on my husband. I feel like my lover and I have more in common, and compliment eachother. He's married too. We've both never fooled around. I broke it off with my lover. I'm not sure if I made the right decision? I never thought I would have found myself in this situation. My lover has children with his wife. He was going to leave until I broke it off. I always felt like he would never stay with me anyway because he would feel guilt over leaving his children behind. He hasn't been in love with his wife over a year. I love my husband, but he has been verbally abusive to me, and won't get help. I think about this other man all the time. I'm confused, and I am trying to keep busy. It seems like when one person is ready to make sacrifices the other person get scared, and says they just can't change their situation for one reason or another. We both don't want to hurt our spouses. In the end, we will have heartache, what do I do????

Answer 1

hey confused chick you are pretty smart...ok well done... you figured out that he was only willing to let go of his marraige provided he has the insurance with you. when his policy ran out. he decided he would stay...he needs to break of with his wife on his own terms or work it out..and you are wise beyond your years to not be that cause...great choice...as for you..if you want your lover or some one else because your husband is treating you bad...sit with him talk...consider counseling and worst comes to worst, walk your seperate ways...wishing you the best...but the truth is often simple...

Answer 2

This is really sad. I think you need to end the charade with your poor husband and get a divorce, because you obviously don't love him and never have. I commend you for not sleeping with your lover, but that isn't enough to live up to your marital promises that you never should have made. But before you jump right into your affair with your Cypriot, it might be a good thing to be on your own awhile, because you have all the signs of a woman who goes from one man to another without really thinking things through very well. Listen to your reasons for marrying your husband: sad, lonely, broken hearted. Now you are confused, lost, and afraid. These are not good reasons to get involved with men. I don't know if counseling would help you find yourself so that you have a woman who is strong, confident, loving, capable and secure to offer someone. But that is what a good man deserves.

Answer 3

like someone else said the main ones that will get hurt here are the other guys kids that wont have a daddy in there life , then your husbend and the other guys wife that had no part in droping there pants when ever something new came along. and something you might want to think about if this guy will cheet on his wife after 1 year being married he will cheet on you next . you said your husbend is being verbally abusive to you it could be you brought that on your self with your cheeting you have had to change twords your husbend , he might not know what you have been doing but he can tell something has changed between the to of you . turn this around at think of how you would feel if your husbend was having sex with another women???? maybe you could ask him if he wants to try swinging . you might as well your getting yours he should get some on the side to.

Answer 4

You made the right decision to break it off with the married man. Give his family a chance to mend, the kids deserve it at least.

Cheating is never the answer but I think you have already figured that out. At this point you need to really look at your relationship and figure out if you went looking for something else that you could have found at home if you had tried. If the answer is yes then work toward that end.

If you don't talk to your husband then you will never know. When you say he is verbally abusive then you need to address that as a completely separate issue.

Answer 5

You did the right thing to break off the relationship with your lover.Just think at it like this....why are you better than your lovers wife? Because he messed around with you and compliments you, do you think that it will be like that always if you were to marry him? You think that his world will be perfect with you and will never be tempted to cheat ever ever again because he'd be too busy complimenting you every day of his life....lady please. Reality check: he is a man who fell weak to temptation. You are not the center of his life you just provided a sweet adventure but believe me it's you against a wife with children. Who do you think will influence him more.....the unseen but heart felt love he has for these Innocent children who give more meaning to his life than you.
Marriage is not perfect and its a two way deal. It will be a better day when the power of love replaces the love of power. You have the power to make the right choices in life. Listen to your conscience it is a God given instrument that allows you to determine right from wrong.
I would suggest you get counseling for your marriage from the Great Counselor....God. May you have peace and unity in your marriage.

Answer 6

My opinion would be to try and resolve your issues with your husband by working together with a professional.
If it brought you both better understanding and love for each other, then great. If it did NOT, then that would give you the tools to make another decision. However, the last choice of your lover, to me, would be the wrong decision, no matter what your professional assistance outcome. You may think it's the proper solution, now. But in the end would not be all that you may think. In fact to me would be like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Please do not end what you presently feel is one bad relationship to ruin all lives involved. That solves nothing.

Answer 7

You should think about the vowes you took when you got married. When you got married you had things in common with your husband. Why did you marry him in the first place? Think about it. If he is verbally abusive, talk to him about it and let him now it really bothers you and you both need to get counseling. If you don't want to hurt your husband then why are you doing something that will.

I am recently separated from my wife who I found out has been calling another man in the middle of the night from our home and emailing him. She says they are only friends and they have talked about they should stop because neither of them wanted to hurt me. But it has. Why whould a married woman need to do this.Because she is tired of the relationship and forgot her vowes. Maybe I am old fashioned but no one in this world takes marriage seriously anymore.

Get real with yourself and your husband. Make it work and get counseling, not just for your husband for your cheating ways as well.

Answer 8

First...I think you should worry about your OWN husband and realize that any for of abuse (verbal or physical) is damaging you in more ways than one. If he is abusing you, and won't seek any help, got o couseling yourself to find the strength to stand up for yourself...whether that been leaving him or telling him that it is unacceptable to treat you with such disrespect.
Secondly, I hate to say this, but you made a commitment when you got married. If you are unhappy, you leave, you don't cheat. Shame on both of you for that. Marriage is taken for granted these days because everyone thinks that if it doesn't work out...that's ok...I'll just divorce. Marriage is a sacred union that should only be entered into with the utmost care.
Thirdly...you are in no condition to be ina relationship. You need to seek out therapy and become happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else.
Good Luck..

Answer 9

If you want to leave your husband then leave...but do not leave only because you have found someone new. I think it is a tricky relationship to get with another man right afterwards especially if he was married with kids and you "can" be blamed for breaking all that up. Especially when there are kids involved you will always in some way have to deal with his ex-wife and you never want her to be angry or to dislike you because that can affect your relationship with the children. I say if you are not in love with your husband than take care of that first. Get a divorce...

Then down the line if your lover feels like he wants a divorce to than he will get one. Afterwards if you still want to be together than go for it. But you should never leave one man for another...because who knows if you really like him or you just like him better than your husband.

Answer 10

You break off all communication with your "lover." If you don't want to be married to your husband anymore, that's your affair (no pun intended), but don't compound the situation by having another man on the side. You're not even giving your marriage a chance while having this other man in your life.

Do yourself a favor too, don't re-marry for awhile after your divorce. You need to figure out who YOU are, without a man in your life. If you need sex, get a vibrator.

And leave married men alone.....you're wrecking his family as well.

Answer 11

you have already caused the hurt bc once the spouses find out they will be crushed. kids is never a reason to stay with someone and he should leave her before he causes her more pain and the kids find out what their daddy is really like. as for you if your not happy at home get out. you say you love him but you had an affair then got cold feet when he was ready to walk on his wife. sounds lke you want your cake and to eat it too. dont hurt your spouse any more just leave.