Is this Abuse?

Question

I am in a 7 yr relationship with my boyfriend, we have lived together
> now for 7 yrs and at first he was loving and attentive. But at first
> he would say things like "our relationship is on a day to day basis
> today I am here but tomorrow I might not be" It tugged at my heart
> and made me want to prove to him that I do love him and that this
> relationship is the best thing that ever happened to him. 18 months
> into our living together (I have 2 kids then they were 7 and 8 yrs
> old) we went to his brothers for new years eve with the kids, he got
> mad and wanted to leave and me and the kids didn't want to so he
> started yelling at me and I was crying, so his brother came over gave
> me a hug and said "are you ok?, he shouldn't talk to you like that"
> that inraged Jim even more and told me to get my AS_ in the car and
> why do I have to be such as stupid CUN_! I was scared at this point,
> cause I never saw this side of him before, I left the kids there and
> took him home when we got home packed his things and said its been
> nice the last 18 months with you, have a good life. I was sobbing,
> beggin him to not leave, but he did anyway and I was devastated. the
> next day I called every motel in town til I found him, I went there
> we made up and he came home and over the next 6 1/2 yrs that has been
> the cycle he will get mad, call me names, pack his things and leave
> and would go after him. As the years went on he became more and more
> like Jekyl and Hyde. my kids are now 14 and 12 and they hate him,
> they hate how he makes me cry, they hate the names he calls, one time
> he got mad because he thought I slammed my dresser drawer shut and I
> tried to tell him I didn't and he spit in my face, he got so mad
> another time he threatened to bash my head into the wall. Now my son
> is wanting to go live with his dad because he can't stand the way
> things are at my house, and all I do now is cry. And NOW my
> boyfriend wants me to leave, I KNOW he is verbally and sometimes
> physically abusing me, and my children, SO WHY ISN'T THIS ENOUGH TO
> WANT IT TO BE OVER WITH? Why do I want nothing more than to be with
> him? HELP? How do I get through this?
>

Answer 1

It isn't enough because of your love for him. I can relate to your story more then you know and my heart goes out to you.
It is abuse and sometimes I wonder if it isn't the worst kind.
Your partner knows how much you love him and that every time he leaves you'll come find him and bring him back. On the other hand you also know that if you don't that he might never return leaving you more miserable then before.
Never ending and a constant emotional drain on you that is now effecting your children. So very selfish on his part and no easy solution. You know what you should do yet your still not willing to let go. I'm sure you'll get tons of answers telling you to leave the jerk , yet we both know that if you could have you already would have. Sometimes it takes the abuse to finally get us to a point where we're actually starting to hate this person more then we love them and until that point we hold on desperately. It sounds like you would be willing to try anything to make it work but he has to feel the same way.
It doesn't sound like he'd be willing to try counseling which is what he needs. I wish I could be more help honey but maybe the only thing that is going to work is for him to actually lose you to make him realize how much he actually loved you.
Good luck and keep me posted.

Answer 2

Physical Abuse

Answer 3

Honey, he needs to go and stay gone! You need to know that you don't have to beg for any man's love and attention. (Kids or no kids). If neither of the kids belong to him, then Hallelujah! Love is not supposed to hurt ever! He's a disrespectful bully and the next time he threatens to throw you out, take him up on it. (You move, so he doesn't know where you are). There are so many men out there that know how to treat a lady, but you'll never find one while you're wasting your time with this bum. Remember, if you have a daughter she's watching all of this crap, and believe me she'll just follow in your footsteps.

Answer 4

Hon, you are in a very abusive relationship. If he's talking to you like that then he's verbally abusing you. He's also physically abusing you. Your children don't need to be in that type of environment and neither do you. I would get out right a way and get some help for you and your children. This can bring some long term effects on your children and your mental health. I pray for you.

Answer 5

Wow sounds like you have your hands full. I am sorry to hear of your troubles. I think you should get out, show your kids that you should not be in relationships like these. You and the father are your kids biggest role models. So they are learning this behavior. And your son needs to learn that you don't treat a women like this!! So if he needs to live with his father maybe that is the best for him right now. I know that isn't what you want to hear but think of your kids. Get out, you will be happy you did!

Answer 6

Girl, you know what? I want you to sit back and read your story... This situation should have ended back then when your kids were small that very first time he yelled at you and call you a cuntt.. what is the matter with you? and then you spend 12 of your life suffering and showing your kids how to be a perfect mess? Girl let me tell you something this all on you.. I want to be sympathetic with you really hon but what you need now is sincerity.. Now let's not talk about the past anymore 12 years that you are never to recover again.. But you know what? you still can leave his sorry asss can you see you are going to loose your children they want to go and live with dad... Dont you rather loose your man? than your children, they need you to get strong for them GET THE HELL OUT THAT RELATIONSHIP AND CLAIM THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.. THE HELL WITH THAT LOOSER.. YOU ARE IN A OPEN CELL ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS WALK OUT AND DONT LOOK BACK. hon you know this is the only way or you are going to be miserable and even more miserable when you get older and all you have is this old man cursing at you and making you feel worthless you think time is going to change him? Hells no as you get older it gets worst and worst, he will get unberably horrible hell he already is.. Get out and leave him that will give you a sense of power that is imposible to describe and it will make him feel like the pile of shitt he really is. Don't cut your life short honey lots of people believe that we have more than one life that after we died we are born again.. who knows might be true, but what about if it isn't like that? you want your only life to be this miserable? won't you rather be happy? get out find your self a man who is going to treat you as good as you deserve to be treated. But this is up to you.. If not for you do it for your children. They dont deserve to watch you being treated so bad. If you can't walk out and leave then let your children go with their dad.
And to answer your questions is this abuse? Hell yes it's abuse in every kind of way.. you are an abuse woman.. ABUSE IS NEVER OK....... GET OUT. GOOD LUCK..

Answer 7

it sounds like you have very low self esteem. he is definitely emotionally and physically abusing you. no woman deserves to be treated like this.. you deserve someone who loves and cherishes you. also ...they say if he is threatening to hurt you, that will be the next step. so be careful.. you need to look out for yourself and your kids.

its sad that your kids have to see this, hopefully it doesnt cause them to treat others the way they see your bf treating you.

remember.. guys arent worth crying over..and the ones that are, wont make you cry. (i totally believe in this saying)

i know how if feels to be in a relationship like this, i have been there... and it took everything i had to be strong and just leave with my kids. they are so much more important to you than you wantint this man. you both need to separate for a while so that he can get the help he needs while you can get yourself together emotionally so that you can be there for your kids. you then need to bond with your children again and apoplogize for what you have put them thru.

i know its tough and i wish you the best .. if you would like to talk, you can email me at [e-mail]

Answer 8

Yes - it is abuse. You have put this man before your own children and for what? False security of whatever form you have allowed yourself to settle for. Get rid of the creep! If it is his place - pack your stuff and get you and your children out of there. Of course your son wants to leave - who wouldn't hate what your are allowing to happen over the past 7 years - for cryin out loud who's more important - him or your children? Someone should get your children away from you until you are prepared to sacrafice for them not a good F**K!

Answer 9

Don't listen to people who tell you to grow up! I have been in your shoes, except the kids were his. I don't know why we want to stay it is like we think they are going to change, but they don't! You need to find some strength and leave or let him go and change the locks, get a restraining order, it is only going to get worse. In the end I was in the hospital with a concussion, because he kicked me in the head 5 or 6 times I don't remember exactly. But for your kids sake you need leave ASAP, you don't want them to grow up thinking this is the way they should treat someone or be treated themselves, you need to show them that you are strong and worth more than what this man is giving you. Please talk to someone in your family who can help you!

Answer 10

I didn't even read all the way though..yes it is abuse. And what kind of mother are you to want to stay with a man who treats their mother like crap.

L-E-A-V-E! You can do so much better. You need to move out and surround yourself with something positive. Go to college, hit the gym, get involved in your children's lives. Anything but focus on him. You will regret it when you children are old enough to defend themselves.