Jealousy? Bitterness? Or both? Read on & give me some adivice plz?

Question

About 2 years ago me & my best friend where pretty much in the same situation. We both where frustrated with life & how we didn't find that special someone in our lives. At about the same time we both found women who seemed to like us & it turned to love. We both where about to get married at the same time too. But suddenly things went wrong. To make a long story short my ex fiance stabbed me in the back in the worse way while at the same time my best friends relationship with his lady blossomed & ended up marrying her & having a daughter with her. Since that time i grown to be very angry with how everything turned out for me. My friend tried to be there for me but i would shun him away telling him that he's forgotten how it felt to be alone & now he wants to throw it in my face about how his relationship is going great. He's still my friend but he won't mention anything about his family life anymore . Is this jealousy or bitterness that i'm feeling? Or is it both?

Before anyone accuses me i'm happy for my friend. He's gone through alot & he deserves his happiness.

Answer 1

Yes, it does sounds like you are subsconciously jealous and bitter of how it all turn out though you are conciously make an effort to be happy for your friend and knowing that it is not his fault for what had happened to your situation. This feeling is normal, most people would feel like you if they are in your situation. But how much of this feeling one allows it to control oneself is important. Sounds like you have a good friend. He is being very tactful not to make you feel bad by mention his family life. So I am sure you don't want to loose a friend like him. Perhaps what you need to do is to do some of the healing. You need to acknowledge your hurting, what had gone wrong with your relationship, then do some amending and healing for yourself. Once you heal from that hurt, you will be able to start anew again in every way. Seek therapy if you need to or just talk to some other person that you can trust, one who is fair and non-judmental.

Answer 2

The biggest thing you must remember is your friend was in the same boat you were for a long time, he has finally succeeded at happiness, he is not throwing it in your face he is sharing it with you, his best friend, as he always has. There is no claus in friendship that says you can only share the same emotions of the person you are friends with, meaning if your sad he doesn't have to be in order to have a relationship with you, does he? Would you rather he be miserable too? He is finally happy and he shouldn't be shunned because of it. You should consider yourself lucky that you are still close and he hasn't drifted. He has a wife and a child and he still makes time for you, that is not easy. So my answer to your question is, Both, you are jealous and Bitter, it's OK because I think you will get over it in time, but don't make him suffer your emotions. Let him help you and be there for you, friends are hard to come by, do not push him away. Eventually you will find love, it will find you, in my experiences I would say love isn't something you seek, it happends when you least expect it. So instead of wallowing, enjoy your life and your friends life.

Answer 3

you are slightly jealous but you arent bitter because you are happy for your friend.... the right word for your feelings is frustrated. you are frustrated that you dont have a family and a wife or a child. you wonder how you and your friend did everything at the same time but your life turned out very different.
you feel that everything should have worked out and at the moment you should be having a loving wife and reading a book to your child and having a barbecue with your friends family. What went wrong isnt your fault and you should move on and try to fulfill your dreams

Answer 4

I think it may be a little bit of both. But I think it is somewhat normal for you to be feeling this way. I think that you should try to let it go, because I am sure that you value your friendship with this person, and let him know that you are happy for him and his wife. And you are happy for how things have worked out for him.
On the flip side, isn't it better for you that you found out how "your girl" was BEFORE you got married. Think of how your life would have been if you would have married her and then found out the things about her. You would have had a horrible marriage that ended with divorce. You are lucky in that sense. The right person will come along for you and it is very important that you believe that. Good luck.

Answer 5

Sweetheart. You gotta let go. If your friend is willing to put up with your both jealousy and bitterness, he's a a friend worth keeping forever. A woman can come and go but a genuine friend like that is golden. Yes he may have his family now be happy for him not envious. Your relationship may have been doomed but better b4 the alter then have her turn on you after. So go and ask him for forgiveness because he's worth it and thing's will turn around for you just stay postive.

Answer 6

I dont know jealousy, bitterness, envy, anger but mainly PAIN. Now that it seems you are looking in retrospect you could sort of apologize ( although you dont need to since he probably totally understands and thats why he wont mention anything about his family) and say you grew up, and now would really appreciate hearing about his family ( if that is true since I am trying to figure what you want to do next) He deserves to discuss his family since you are his friend. I dont blame you for being angry but he isnt the one to be angry with. I wish you a better future

Answer 7

I'm so glad you added that you are happy for your friend. This proves to me that this is truly a friend of yours, and maybe you are a little peeved that his life came together while yours didn't.

This however does not mean it never will, give yourself a chance to heal, be happy for those who have, and pray that one day you will be reaping the life you want.

The person you were with was simply not yours to keep. And if she crossed you aren't you glad to have found out before the big commitment?

Things usually happen for a reason, even if you can't see it yet when you meet the right one you will know. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 8

its not jealousy... just that u r frustrated.ur friend n u wer sailing in same boat till he got married n u dint...now that he is happy n tries to tell about his family coz u r his best friend, u r trying to keep him away as it hurts u to think of ur situation.... u r wondering what went wrong...It's just that u dint meet the right person....he is not trying to keep u out , at the same time he dsn't wana worsen relationship b/w u too by telling about his family n hurt u at same time ...u r feeling bitter for ur own situation.so stop pitying urself..not just u.. when people feel frustarted they tend to loosen up relationships which reminds them of painful past.thats what u did .Ur friend seems to be understanding.Offcourse u cant ask him forgiveness but do nvolve with his family like being with ur friend at both good and bad times... build back that trust he had and would confront u for everything...Slowly it works ..good luck

Answer 9

Well,I can't help how YOU feel but doesn't it strike you as odd as to the fact that the Deadline for Nominations to be submitted to the Nobel Peace Prize Committee is FEBRUARY 1st.?! Are we to understand that this Farce of a President was in office for a total of 11 DAYS when his name was submitted???!!! You can be bitter and hate filled all you want and think that we're a "pathetic bunch of sour grapes" if you want but you'll have to understand at some point in your life that the skill of reasoning should be counted as a good thing to possess and try to use it before you go off on a rant against those who have chosen to use their power of reason.Thank you and remember that life is to short to go around making unfounded and snap judgments.

Answer 10

if u r happy for him why did u shun him? he doesnt talk about his family anymore becos u dont want to hear it. talk to him and let him know u are happy for him and not jealous or feel bitter but its becos things are not working well for u. such is life there are ups and downs, a lot of people suffer in life before the become very happy, i suggest u take ur time and pray to God and every thing will be fine, good luck.