What would you do? Girlfriend cheated.?

Question

Hi,

My girlfriend liked a bloke she met months ago. She told me she didn't and they were not in touch, but I found out he was sending her dirty texts - we had a big row and she promised it would all stop, as she said she didn't fancy him anyway - this was 8 months ago.

On thursday she was away overnight and got him to come to the hotel, and you can guess the rest. She's been in touch with him for months, but something only happened this once. She says she doesn't know why she did it, he was rubbish, and she just wanted to do it once to see what it was like. She's apologised, as has he (apparently he thought she was single), and said she'll do anything to make us work.

Do I trust her, as everyone is allowed a mistake, or shall I bin her based on the fact that she appears to have a history of lying to me about this guy. Would you giver her another chance - bear in mind I do love her, but I'm not going to be walked over any more.

Opinions please, I need some help.

Answer 1

I don't think you will be able to trust her anymore because if she's cheated on you once then she could do it again. There will always be doubt on you mind when she goes anywhere. Your better off without her otherwise you could end up even more heartbroken.

Answer 2

She has spent 8 months talking to this guy behind your back and then purposely asked him to her hotel room! This was not a mistake, this is simple cheating with no respect for you whatsoever. people when they cheat, it tends to be a spur of the moment thing - it happens as they seem to be in the same place at the same time, it is only when they are continuing with this affair that it is no longer a 'silly mistake' (not that that is justification for it happening) She has no respect for you, she has proved that in the last 8 months. It is a shame because you seem willing to forgive and forget. Also, he did not know she was with someone? She even duped him if that is the truth! You deserve so much better but if you really want this to work, maybe relationship counselling is needed, she may have some deep rooted issues from the past that affect her now. Otherwise, if she is not willing to face up to her problem and start giving you the respect you give her then this relationship is doomed. I hope you work something out. x

Answer 3

I'd like to think that if my fiancee cheated on me I'd dump him and never look back, but I don't know if I would be strong enough to do that.

In one way, I couldn't imagine life without him BUT if he cheated, I wouldn't see him as the person I thought he was.

You need to think about your future. If you give her another chance, will you be happy or will you be paranoid every time she walks out the door?
Trust is very fragile and without it, a relationship can't work.

I also think it comes down to the individual. Is she the type of person to cheat. They say "once a cheat, always a cheat" but that's not strictly true. Some people do make one off mistakes.
Do you believe that she will never do it again? If you don't, move on. You would be too unhappy in the relationship.

It's a decision only you can make. IF you do decide to stay with her, be prepared! It will be hard to forgive and forget.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Well if she cheated on you with him and lied to you about being in contact with him this time, you have to wonder, has she done it before or will she do it again? Yes, people do make mistakes and if they learn from them, they are a better person for it. But if you feel, in your heart, that she will repeat these mistakes, or if you feel that you can no longer trust her. It might just be best for all concerned, to end it now.

If, however, you feel that she needs another chance, then give it to her. But if you do that, you have to forgive the mistake and not keep bringing it up. You have to search you own heart for the answer. Can you live with the mistake that she made.

Answer 5

DUMP HER> for starters you will NEVER be able to trust her again - do you honestly want to be in a relationship where if she ever overnights away again that you'll be worried sick in case shes really with someone else. Do you constantly want to wonder if shes really texting a guy when shes at her phone?
Trust is earned - shes taken yours and abused it so I wouldnt bother giving her a second chance.
As for her "mistake" - forgetting to put the rubbish out is a mistake - not cunningly arranging for another guy to share your bed.
You sound like a decent guy lee - and you dont need to have this hassle in your life.
Of course you'll be upset and lonely if you choose to end things - but you'll meet someone worthy of you in time - but most imortantly - someone you can trust.
Good luck hun
xx

Answer 6

I'm sorry to hear what has happened.

Get shot as fast as you can.

It's never easy parting with anyone particularly being together for many months but the alarm bells should be ringing loud about now?

By saying that this other fella wasn't up to much in the bedroom department is not saying that regrets it - just that she was unlucky on this occasion. How long before some other fella turns up who is quite good and it's you being told to get on your bike?

Salvage some pride, take a deep breath and get shot. It'll be pants for a while but you'll never look back.

Answer 7

Shes not worth the hassle as if she can cheat on you to see what a guy is like in bed once, then she will do it again. If you stay with her you will no doubt get hurt.

Even if he thought she was single she knew she wasnt, why didnt she tell him? you need to start thinking of the answers to these sorts of questions. She was also being deceitful behind your back that shows how much respect for you for lying to you. Shes not treating you right i would say leave her and find someone that will be your 100% percent and wont cheat on you just cus they are curious............Goodluck

Answer 8

I think you have to sit down and just think about the situation clear your mind of anything else that is going on in your life and focus on this situation...
You LOVE her we know that...
Think of this though 3 months down the road when she says she's going out with her girl friends what is going to cross in your mind???
You yourself have to figure out if you can find the trust within yourself to trust her again... Can you do that???
I feel text messaging isn't harmful unless it's out of line... Fine she wants to be friends with this man (before) but the text messages dirty there is something going on and there is more then just being friends... Does she talk to her girl friends dirty like that I DON'T THINK SO... So there had to be something there... Even if she doesn't want to admit it...
Everyone is allowed to make mistakes but are you willing to for give this mistake and can you believe her when she says she isn't talking to him anymore...
Think of you in this situation... I am sorry she put you in this situation because Iknow you are probably going through so many emotions... Please Don't Let HER hurt you any more though... Make it clear if you love her and can find trust in her that IF ANYTHING happens like this again you can shut the door and never look back again... Make her understand you are hurt and she is NEVER going to hurt you again... Because she probably doesn't know or care how you feel right now... HUGS and good luck...

Answer 9

Am sorry she cheated. You may well love her and you may forgive her but could you forget? I think not. there will always be a trust issue now because what she did was down right deceitful. I'm not convinced it only happened once either if they were in touch 8 months.
Only you can truly decide what to do but if it were me i;d never trust her again and i would not forgive the deceit.

Answer 10

Bag her and bin her mate - she has lied to you continually and that will not change - she will do it again and again and again - how will you be able to trust her - every time she goes near her phone it will be in the back of your mind - you know deep down that she is not reliable or trustworthy and the old 'I just wanted to see what it was like routine' is nothing new excuse wise - she is trouble and will continue to be trouble. Ditch her now and move on - OR keep her, use her and find someone else in the meantime - then ditch her!

Answer 11

I had the same thing happen to me once. I dumped her. Then, she camped out on my porch for a month asking me to take her back. I'm serious, no joking. She sat on my porch, slept in a sleeping bag at night on the porch, and basically waited for me to forgive her. She offered to give me all her passwords to her email, voice mail, etc. She wrote them all down on paper and gave them to me. I decided maybe she really wants to make things work and gave her a chance but only if we went to counseling together. She did it.

We're still together 4yrs later. She has never acted suspicious, had any strange men call her, has never spent a night at a hotel alone. I have no reason not to trust her as she is very open and honest with me about everything now.

If your girlfriend is willing to make a grand gesture, a huge sacrifice, then maybe she is worth it. But if all she did was apologize with words, and not with actions, then maybe you should move on.