If one spouse isnt giving it up, why isnt it ok to get it elsewhere?

Question

I mean really, doesnt sex come with marriage? if one spouse is going to withhold it, I say you should be allowed to get it somewhere

I am not married, i just saw a question about a guy who's wife isnt giving it up. I wish I was married I would be doing it every freaking day!

Answer 1

Every time? no.

Long term? Yeah.

When you get married, you sign on for monogamy, not celibacy.

Sex is not a nice little extra, its a part of being married. If you don't want to have sex with someone, that's called friendship.

Its very easy to say 'get a divorce', but its a gross oversimplification to say that getting a divorce is fine and getting sex when your partner doesn't want it any more is terrible and selfish. Divorce can hurt a lot of people.

If you're going to be a tradionalist, adultery is wrong, divorce is wrong, and withholding sex from your spouse is wrong. Its a very modern-western view that withholding sex is fine, divorce is fine and adultery is terrible.

Answer 2

You know the truth is that some men and maybe women too do get married because they believe that sex will be readily available every time they want it. That is not usually the only reason but it is one of the biggest reasons for them. The problem then lies in the fact that they are not honest with their partners before they get married and take vows that mean so much to the other person. So when that perception fails and sex isn't readily available anymore they find it elsewhere and the spouse is left wondering what she did wrong.
Alot of women notice I didn't say all, think that sex is about when they feel up for it and only when the husband is doing everything he should be. They think being tired or stressed or even mad is a good reason to withhold sex. The truth is it is there marital duty to have sex with their husband. It is just better if they enjoy it all the time too. I personally think that if women made more time in their lives for sex with their husbands there would be alot more happy couples out there.

Answer 3

It's not ok to get it from somewhere else. You took a vow not to do that. If you have an open marriage then that would be one thing but doesn't seem like you have that. Being married doesn't mean you can have sex all the time. You have you whole lives together for it. It could be the other person just isn't in the mood at the time. If you don't want to respect that then get a divorce and then find someone else. Also try talking to your spouse. Maybe there is something going on with them that you ain't taking an interest in.

Answer 4

While I agree sex is a part of marriage...your logic would not work because then you get into the Grey areas of "my partner doesn't give it up enough", or "I want sex each and every time I want it".....would it be OK then?????? Once you cross over the line of infidelity, there is no turning back.

No I am not married, but I do believe sex to be something a man and wife should share regularly......

Answer 5

"better or for worse"

sex does not come with marriage, it's just a nice extra. the biggest part about a marriage is the relationship, and if you're marriage is suffering because one or the other is withholding sex, then both your ideals of marriage are completely in the wrong place. sex is a big part, i'll agree, but it's not the most important thing.

how about talking to your spouse? there's got to be some reason why they're withholding.

Answer 6

No where in the wedding vows does it say that you'll give the other spouse free and easy s*x for life. Granted, if you love your spouse, you will want to, but if your spouse is holding out, find out why and make things right with them. It is never ever ever okay to "get it" from somewhere else. That's called cheating. If you're going to cheat, be a grown up and leave first so you won't be cheating!

Answer 7

Infidelity is NOT okay under any circumstances. If one spouse is withholding intimacy from the other, then I think it's time to have some open communication. If that doesn't help, then it's time for a divorce.

Answer 8

Marriage is for better and for worse...through good times and bad.
The best thing you can do is to sit down and talk to them. Let them know how you feel and what your needs are and see if you can work it out.
If you are married, there is NO excuse to cheat EVER.
If you want to fool around and you can't work things out between the two of you then get a divorce and play around all you want.
But you do not cheat on a spouse for any reason.

be cool...

Answer 9

There are shades of interpretation here.

I mean if your partner is in a coma from a car wreck, you're not out looking for some strange the first night.

At the far other end of the spectrum are people who will not have sex with their partner, try to force them not to masturbate, and basically try to control their every orgasm and then deny them those based on taking advantage of the "for better or worse" clause in wedding vows. As in, "the worse is I just don't feel like it for the next 30 years, so deal with it. You married me for better or for worse so get used to the worse, pal." And that's deceitful and controlling and manipulative in its own way. It's like, "Why are aren't you wiping your butt or showering?" "Well, you said for better or worse, baby. Deal with it." That's about how juvenile that sounds.

Such behavior gives people a *reason* to seek sex elsewhere. It doesn't make it right, it just gives people a good reason. Cheating isn't right, but it "makes sense" under such weird circumstances. And you would think such a denied person would just walk away, but then they are accused of being "just in it for the sex" and all that.

I recently read a doctor's report that many married men (or women, but usually men) go 15 *years* without sex before seeking to end the marriage or look elsewhere.

So for those of you who whine "oh he's probably just a lousy lover" or "he's so shallow" - I think you need to re-evaluate your stance. I continue to contend that many many women mis-represent their sex drive to their mate before marriage, and once married their real, much lower and inactive sex drive comes out, and the duress of "for better or worse" is used to force men to just accept that "it's my way, or the highway."

EDIT: sheesh I just read the answers above mine. we are all entitled to our opinions, but it scares me how many times i read "for better or worse" mis-used just as i have heard it done around me in real life. sad.

Answer 10

So you believe that they owe you sex because you own them in a marriage? Sure, you buy a car, it should run and get you to where you are going without breaking down....but a human being? You need to reevaluate why you got married...was it because of guaranteed sex? wow, that's a rock solid marriage right there.

good luck with the divorce preceedings.