What can you do to help your husband who sees something wrong with everything?

Question

It seems like no matter what job he has he finds something wrong with not to the point of quitting but to the point of threatening that he will. He seems to find something wrong with all of his co-workers as well, even about the things he eats he finds something wrong with it or has some comment to make about it, like- it's too dry, what did you do different, this needs pepper, that needs salt. O.k. I understand the normal conversation at dinner and I vaule his opinion and I could care less what he things about my cooking but it's this work thing... It seems like he is not happy unless he is telling some one something to do, how to do it or bitching I am concerned there may be a health issue behind his behavior and there are some health issues going on with him but all tests are not done, he goes for more tomorrow - I feel like telling him to just quit his job sometimes b/c he gets so upset so easily!

We also work for the same employer but in different areas so we rarely see one another while at work but I feel bad and guilty when he's just blowing off steam- I've told him how this makes me feel and I have once before told him to quit and to quit bitchin' and argueing with everyone but nothing I've tried works- and this happens about every two to three days! He is making things very hard for me and everyone around him I've even went as far as telling him he needs to relax b/c he gets so worked up it's not good for the heart!

Answer 1

poke him in the eye !

Answer 2

He is projecting the negative feelings he has about himself by criticizing others. It's very difficult dealing with a pessimistic personality. They always see the glass as half empty.
If he complains about the food then simply stand up walk over to his side of the table and remove the offending meal from him. Dump him and simply say; "Feel free to prepare something more to your tastes..." Go back to your meal and finish eating.
Or you can say, "I'm sorry you are having a difficult time coping with simple things." Upon denial you can just say that you naturally thought that because of his constant nagging.
It all depends upon what you are up for. Negativity can be so very bothersome.
The above suggestions could spur and argument so you might just walk away everytime he becomes negative and tell him that you will not listen to any more negativity.

Answer 3

Sometimes people complain without even knowing it- it's like breathing to them. A portion of it could be venting, and he needs that. The rest however, try to ask yourself what part of that you control. Is the environment (at dinner, etc) set up for complaints? When he makes some complaint about dinner, let it fall flat- in other words, don't encourage it with some "hop to it" response like "I'll make it juicier next time" or "Wow, you're right, what an expert on food you are" (exaggerations, but still).

Don't start a fight, but in a calm and non confrontational manner that a high percentage of his communication is non productive complaining that creates a toxic atmosphere. It sounds like you are there for him, but he is wearing out his sounding board. Also, maybe you should ask him if he wants to make dinner one weekend?

Answer 4

I can empathize with you, as my husband can get like that sometimes, we are newly married and I didn't know he could be so negative. I did like you, and sat him down for a good talking. It is hard as some have been conditioned to believe that it is normal to be that way. I told my husband, you remember how you told me you hated when your ex bitched, complained, whined and nagged, well sorry honey you do alot of that too, more than is customary, and she may have enjoyed the daily fight, and arguing. I don't, please do your best to be positive. I then took him to get his blood pressure checked and it was high, he needed to make a lot of diet changes, and the diet changes have helped immensely. You are right his health might be the cause of his stress, best of luck, maybe he needs a chat with a brother,sister or parent of his, so he can see how his behavior affects others around him. I have to stay positive for the both of us, it is not easy.

Answer 5

How long did you two date? Seems like you should have begun to pick up on this after this first year of dating?

This is what I like to call the infamous "attitude" problem. People often miss them if they don't date long enough and go slowly enough into relationships (whirlwind romances can lead to serious disillussionment).

My father is kind of like that. He worked until he reached retirement age, and he kept all of his jobs for very long periods (last one 34 years), but he was always threatening to quit, he complained about everything, and he's very critical and a bit obsessive when it comes to focusing on the bad stuff in life (he can just watch the local news to get a fix for that obsession, and thus new things to complain about).

Now... what you have to ask yourself if you don't have kids is this, "do you want your kids to spend 30 years trying to get past the destructive influence of somebody like that?".

Answer 6

My ex did the same thing and I did all I could to figure out what the heck he wanted in life. Don't give in to his complaints because he may be looking for the easy way out to never work!

Hopefully the test will show an inbalance somewhere and some meds will put him back on the right path again.

If he complains about your cooking, let him cook!

Answer 7

Your husband sounds like a selfish negative man. He is obviously a real downer. My father-in-law is like that. He is always saying negative critical things about everyone and everything. It is very depressing to be around someone like that on a constant basis. Have you every considered leaving your husband? I would not be able to take it. I need to be around people that bring me up. There are lots of good thoughtful men in the world, why spend your life hooked up to someone who has such a negative out look on life? It would be my guess you are not sexually attracted to him, either. Why would you have the hots for someone who criticizes and gripes all the time? Doesn't sound like a medical problem to me.

Answer 8

You know, I think he is just letting go of his day with you, and you are reading something else into it. He wants his home and the atmosphere to be a place where he can come after a long day and let all the crap out that he has been holding onto all day. Your job is to listen.

Answer 9

Some folks are not 'happy' unless they have something to '*****' about - even if the focus of the complaining seems invalid to others . . . sounds like you are following a good course of investigation for the cause . . . best wishes in your search and repair mission. . .

Answer 10

definite, i think of you probably did the terrific factor via having this pervert charged and put in reformatory. I commend you for sorting out on your daughter. you're additionally to be counseled for procuring back mutually with your husband and attempting to paintings issues out. I want you the superb.

Answer 11

He sounds like a real barrel of laughs! Seriously though, you need to dump his sorry a ss and move on. Life is way too short to deal with that type of sh it every day.