Details - we have been married almost 15 years, we have 3 children. My husband has decided he is unhappy and wants to end it. I believe the majority of why he is unhappy is my fault because I am unhappy with myself. After a couple weeks of discussing this I have come to the conclusion that I need to fix myself top priority, however I am still very much in love with my husband and I don't want to give up. Actually this is two questions I guess. First off I am fixing my "depression" for lack of a better word and that is my top priority for me and my children regardless. My dilemma is do I just let him go and fix myself or do I fight for us? I really think that if I can be happy with myself again that it will help us. Next part of the question is if I do decide to fight for us do I just do it and see what happens or do I tell him I am going to fight for us?
2007-04-17 01:41:33 · 28 answers · asked by tazzlair 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I sure appreciate all of the great responses, unfortunately it doesn't matter as my husband is unwilling to give me any time. I think we just let it get too far before we confronted it. My heart is breaking but I still have to fix myself so that I can be a good mother.
Again thanks.
2007-04-19 22:08:58 · update #1
You fight depression together. He's your husband he should be involved if he wants to save this marriage.
2007-04-17 01:45:47 · answer #1 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up on yourself or your marriage. Let him know exactly how you feel!Let him know you understand you have a depression problem and have to fix it. Hiding your feelings can hurt you in the long run. See a marriage counselor, it's worth saving your marriage when the love is still there and you don't want to loss him, it's also cheaper than divorce. No matter what happens take care of yourself and your children! Good Luck!
P.S. 15 years is alot to throw away. Your suppose to be there for each other threw good times and bad. He should try giving you time to get the help you need to fix your depression.
2007-04-17 01:48:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down with your hubby and tell him that you hold a big part in what has happened in the marriage. Make sure you are ready to go for some counseling for yourself to make you feel happier within yourself.
You can suggest to him that you would be interested in going to marriage counseling to keep the marriage together because you still love him and want to keep the family together.
In 15 years of marriage, if anything, now is the time to have some real communication together.
Good luck!
2007-04-17 01:47:07 · answer #3 · answered by Patty G 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
first get some help from are marriage group the go to you doctor and see if the is something wrong on the inside. as you do this tell your hubby that you are going to fight and get help to save your marriage and ask him to help you. show your hubby how much you love him every day. and always remember that if you feel down go to him and find the happiness that put you in his arms in the first place. Good luck.
2007-04-17 01:50:00 · answer #4 · answered by celticdragon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fight for it. Try a GOOD counselor. You didn't put 15 years in for nothing, right?
2007-04-17 01:55:50 · answer #5 · answered by Jed 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off congratulations, you are absolutely correct that you need to fix yourself first. Nobody can be happy with you, if you are not happy with yourself.
But you can fix yourself and your marriage at the same time. You have been married 15 years, if you still love each other, talk to your husband, tell him how you feel and what steps you are taking to fix your attitude and depression.
If he loves you, he will be understanding and help you to achieve the goals that you set for you personally and for you together as husband and wife.
Having said that, actions talk. If you just talk about changing and he never sees any progress, this probably won't work.
But you sound like you have a very good head and are very smart, so I wish you the best of luck.
Don't be afraid to ask your doctor for help or to seek the help of a good marriage counselor.
2007-04-17 02:01:22 · answer #6 · answered by hi_stk_n 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
at this point you cant lose anything by telling him you intend to show him that you can make a change,,if you do accept some of the responsibility for the breakdown of your marriage tell him this also,,he may need to hear you acknowledge it,,even if it doesnt work now it may work later but you still have a responsibility to sort yourself because the next relationship if there is to be one cannot be like this if you know it is you who needs help with some issues. you will feel so much better if you take control of your life and have yourself to thank for it.make a change,,,,tell him and whatever the outcome,,,,keep your head.
2007-04-17 01:48:09 · answer #7 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not all about you.You need to think about your children as well.If you have a problem with depression then your first priority is to get help and become a strong healthy stable woman again you need to do this for your children.Your children deserve a stable mother so I suggest you work on getting yourself back into shape and then you work on your marriage if you are meant to be together then everything will fall back into place.Good Luck & Best Wishes.
2007-04-17 01:47:52 · answer #8 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask ur husband to give u some time... do an effort to change urself...u have lived with him 15 years and believe me it's worth to fight and save ur marriage... gd luck
2007-04-17 01:44:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be so hard on yourself first. Sometimes when one partner is experiencing a great deal of depression, it might be connected to problems in the relationship and not just isolated to you. If he's willing, I would recommend counseling. That would then be a clear message that you are not ready to give up on the relationship. If he loves you, he would at least be willing to work through this with you. Best of luck to you.
2007-04-17 02:17:17 · answer #10 · answered by naturallymeee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋