our 7 year old son is not doing his hw,it was second notice.I kept the secret because , dad and son were going to have a night out together and i didn't want to ruin it.My b/f gave me a stern look,when the teacher told us this morning.He just said he was going to work,what can i expect when he gets home,??
how can i fix it ? i don't want him to lose trust in me ?
2007-04-17 01:31:17 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Your poor son....
2007-04-17 01:34:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why did you do such a thing? And knowing that you hadn't told him about the notices, why would you then let your husband walk into a teacher's meeting, without briefing him? Not only did you deceive this man, but you caused him embarrassment, and that did not have to happen! If your son wasn't doing his school work, his father needed to be told. Ultimately, it was up to him to decide if the boy deserved the night out, not you. Furthermore, since you weren't going to share the information with his father, you should have at least dealt with your son when the first notice came. Had you done so, there would have been no second notice.
You need to start being honest with your husband. This is his son, as well as yours. He has as much right as you do to be kept informed. When you do these underhanded things--secrets and lies, you deny him this right. You already know what to expect when he gets home. The question is: How are you going to respond? If you're going to resort to more of your deceptive behavior, that's not going to work. You need to apologize to this man for overstepping your bounds. You also need to beg his pardon for allowing him to be embarrassed. Moreover, you need to stop playing your controlling games, both with your husband and your son. Otherwise, you are going to end up alone.
2007-04-17 02:57:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teachers have BIG MOUTHS! A better question is, what should he expect (bf) when he gets home? Send your son over to someone's house for a couple of hours so You and bf are alone. Wear something he likes (or nothing) and let him know that You are ready to do Your "homework" with him. Then do something he really likes - something special...
When Your done, tell him why you didn't tell him about the h/w, the night out. Tell him You were not going to keep it from him, just didn't want to ruin the plans.
Some other night, definetly not tonight, remind that Your son is only 7 and has lots of time to get into the h/w routine, but encouragement is the best way to help him, not argueing over it...
2007-04-17 01:44:03 · answer #3 · answered by utob 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't think he will lose trust in you, but the best thing you could have done is told him about it. You guys probably should have talked it over before they went out to see if your son should even be allowed to go out since he hasn't put effort in doing his homework. anyways, i don't think he will lose trust in you. You need to explain to him the whole situation and tell him that it will not happen again and really mean it. You guys are a couple and there should be no secrets about anything. hope everything turns out ok. Good luck!
2007-04-17 01:36:30 · answer #4 · answered by absolutmex 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's what you in effect did by keeping that information to yourself. In essense, you rewarded your son's poor choice as opposed to holding him accountable for his poor choice. When it comes to raising children, you as a couple need to be working together in the best interests of the child. Protecting a child from the consequences of his choices is not being a responsible parent. Had your B/F decided to cancel the night out together on account of the homework issue, that is a consequence of the choice your son made not to do his homework. You also delayed the inevitable discussion that your B/F could have had with him on that issue.
The best thing you can do is take ownership for your poor choice in this situation and go forward and make better choices. I would further recommend that you discuss this with your B/F when he has had an opportunity to calm down - and not in front of the son. You two have got to be together on how you are going to handle these situations when they arise. When you protect a child from the consequences of his choices, you are sending the wrong message. He is in the critical years that lay the foundation for the years ahead and in today's environment, it is crucial that you teach him - together - how to make good choices and reward him for making good choices, in addition to allow him to experience the consequences when he makes poor choices.
You messed up on this one, but the best way to fix it is walk the walk going forward and keep your B/F informed in a timely manner, regardless of what activities may have been planned.
2007-04-17 01:48:52 · answer #5 · answered by scorp5543 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all--STOP acting so insecure and needy. (Sorry, but I'm a blunt person.) Second you need to realize that your B/F has absolutely no reason to blame you even if he is the judgemental type. Your son needs to get a better study habit, that's all. Try to get your b/f involved also in your son's education. Talk to the teacher, BOTH of you. Get an appointment..
2007-04-17 01:46:37 · answer #6 · answered by Alex C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are so lucky to have a father that cares about his son and his grades and you should say you are sorry to both of them. Promise that you will never keep secrets again. You need to create a united front with your boyfriend/husband in raising your son and withholding information is unfair! Tell them you will never do that again and that you admit it was a parental mistake on your part that you will learn from this day foward.
2007-04-17 01:42:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow you are a selffish woman, this is a crucial time for yoour sons development in learning. these are early signs that he is always going to be a troubled student unless y ou get him on the right path., your bf is probably thinking with head than his heart. try giving ur son some boundraries. if he cant complelte hw than he cant go out. its that simple. do u want hiim to be struggling all his life. some initiative as aparent and give a crap. if you dont have the time to tutor him then pay for one!
2007-04-17 02:05:29 · answer #8 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you are really sorry that you didn't tell him before, but you didn't want to ruin their night. Tell him that you understand how important being open with each other is, and you will not do it again.
Don't forget to tell him you are sorry to have hurt him, and that was not what you intended.
Whatever you do, try to avoid being defensive. You need to take a more humble approach, and suck it up. He's an equal parent, and you cut him out, however good you felt your reason was.
Good luck.
2007-04-17 01:47:16 · answer #9 · answered by amstaff 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why, or WHY, do people keep secrets about children and then wonder why their partner is mad?
He's lost trust because you didn't share with him. By allowing your son to go on the "night out" without any retribution for his failure to DO HIS JOB, you are telling him it's ok to fail AND lie.
2007-04-17 02:11:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must solemnly swear to NEVER withhold important information again.
This is why people get married. The child benefits from two parents who are more committed to each other than they are to the child. This creates a secure, stable and nurturing environment where they can grow into good people.
Jailbirds often recount childhood betrayal experiences similar to what your son just experienced.
2007-04-17 01:39:07 · answer #11 · answered by nora22000 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋