After 11 years my ex-fiance decided she doesn't want to get married but wants to keep things the way they are. We've talked about marriage several times, picked out a ring for $14,000, and have a 7 year old daughter together. We purchased a beautiful home, a few nice cars, but still we're just boyfriend and girlfriend. Where do I go from here? I told her that marriage is the next step but she doesn't want to be married now. I love her but I'm thinking I wasted enough time if that is her final decision. She says if it's not broke don't fix it and that we don't need a piece of paper to show how much we love each other. Leaving her would be the hardest thing for me to do mainly because of our daughter.
I could really use some advice - although I know the decision if my own! Please help!
2007-04-17 00:11:59 · 13 answers · asked by flsuave 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To the posters that say "why should you need a piece of paper?" I say here's why: The simple fact that the fiance would adamantly not want to committ fully to the relationship causes me to question her feelings and reasoning. I would also not want to give my child the message that they can halfheartedly involve themselves in anything.
The simple fact that she knows your feelings and how much this means to you should be reason enough for her to want to committ to you. Since committing is no big issue to her then she shouldn't have a problem with doing it!
To answer her question: "We don't need a piece of paper to show that we love eachother" The answer: "no, we don't ... but it's important to me".
My advice: There is always a reason why a person won't committ and sometimes it's as simple as the fact that they have taken the other for granted. Explain your feelings fully and from the heart and then do what your gut tells you.
2007-04-17 01:24:45 · answer #1 · answered by mosaic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 12 years. I dont want to get married, mostly because I was already married once and the divorce was so ugly, on top of that, people seem to take marriage and divorce so lightly these days, I dont want to wind up being divorced 2,3,4 times because I dont take marriage that lightly! So obviously these reasons dont have anything to do with him, my happiness with him, or some problem in our relationship. He hates calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend so I call him my spousal equivalent or life partner to my friends and stuff.... he laughs cause he says it sounds like im gay! LOL! Just be happy the way things are and it eventually it will happen
2007-04-17 00:24:34 · answer #2 · answered by JJ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
11 years and still not decided to be tied with such commitment? Let me give you two sides.
1. She gave up her freedom for 11 years to be your gf, bear you a child and have started creating the future for both of you. With this I can say that the girl really loves you. Why not talk to her, ask her why she's not into marriage? Give her the nice things of getting married, persuade her. Perhaps she got marriage trauma, maybe her parents are divorced or something... Try to dig her more.
2. You have to lay the cards. If she really wants to be with you, and is certain that she loves you then asked her to marry you, else you'll gonna leave her. Tell her that you value marriage that much, and you love her that you wanted to give her the best gift a man can offer to a woman and that is everlasting commitment.
2007-04-17 00:22:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is not for everyone. Sounds like that is not desired by your companion. Forcing this issue would not solve it. 11 years and a child indicates a commitment to me. Nothing your post argues your desire to be married. Your relationship is much more than boyfriend/girlfriend. Sounds to me like lifetime companions. Throwing this away because of a thing called marriage may a bit drastic. Examine why you feel the relationship can not continue status quo. I would venture the real issue is in something else. Marriage does not solve other problems.
2007-04-17 00:58:25 · answer #4 · answered by Healthy Lifestyle Geek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try after 12 years. That is what happened to me. I felt betrayed, and had to leave. It has been over a year, and I still feel pain sometimes. We had lived together, but I guess I was good enough for everything but marriage.
The only difference is that you have a child together. It would be hard, and I know that your child would hurt. I wish that I could help you, but I am not sure how I would have handled it, if we had children together.
I wish you the best.
2007-04-17 00:22:13 · answer #5 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You would leave someone you want to marry, your child, your home, your cars, your whole life behind because she won't marry you?
Isnt that kind of wierd.
You want marriage so much you are willing to sacrifice the person you want to actually marry if they say no????
2007-04-17 00:15:24 · answer #6 · answered by Olivereindeer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If someone didn't want to marry me, I would leave. I wouldn't stick around for the next 11 years.
2007-04-17 00:54:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way things are she doesn't have a good reason of not getting married. I fully support your decision.
2007-04-17 00:16:18 · answer #8 · answered by maran 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have really answered your own question only you can make the decision on whether or not to stay or leave.Good Luck & Best Wishes
2007-04-17 00:17:02 · answer #9 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you guys love each other, that should be all you need. You shouldn't need a piece of paper to signify your love for someone.
2007-04-17 00:17:21 · answer #10 · answered by Nicolle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋