My husband and i live next door to his family. his sick mother and unmarried two sisters live there. they all own alot of business together (which was managed by their father but who died two years ago), so now my husband manages it.. his mother is very lazy and complains of all the illnesses.she gets my husband to do things for her. my sisters in law are also basically to them selves. so my husband always is in and out of their house next door seeng to their matters. sometimes their curtains are so dirty but no one their bothers to clean it. my husband goes their and gets it done for them. they have a maid to cook for them. since i work i dont cook so we go to that house for meals.(that’s good!) as his mother complains of illness now my husband would like to sleep with her sometimes. i insist in coming too, so we both sleep with her. he is obsessed with his family and i think i tolerate alot. I feel sorry for myself. but he thinks it is part of my job too. he says sorry but thats it!
2007-04-16 19:22:45 · 8 answers · asked by Ellen 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
other than this he is a very nice person. his cousins have even nick named him 'Dog'!!. because he is the type who loves to be like a slave!!
2007-04-16 19:24:05 · update #1
and also when we go out on a trip he gets so worried because his family is alone at home. he relaxes only when he knows they are OK. i feel Jelous when he gives them so much attention.
2007-04-16 19:26:51 · update #2
Your description gives a clear picture of what is going on, but you really don't ask a question. The only thing that resembles a question is that you feel sorry for yourself?
and that he feels its part of your job too.
It would be good to know that cultural background of the family, because many cultures, other than Anglos, are very closly nit to there families and often multi-generations live near each other or in the same house.
It sounds like your husband is very dedicated to taking care of his family and that his other siblings who live there don't do much... which is not uncommon. The family nickname is not very respectful as he seems to be the only one who takes responsibility for his aged mother.
I agree that you should go over there when he feels compelled to spend the night. You also mentioned that he has taken over the multiple family businesses that his father was responsible for before he died. Assuming that these do well, there should be enough money to hire a maid to more of the work around the house... you mentioned there is a cook, so maybe he/she could take on additional responsibilities.
I can appreciate that it seems that he spends more time toting on them than he does on you, and that puts you in a tough position... there is a fine line between being supportive and asking for more attention from him. It seems that he takes his position in the family very seriously, thus you need to be supportive... and yet there needs to be time for you. Hopefully his family likes you and does not consider you an outsider, which would make the situation much worse for you.
My suggestion would be to support all that he does, giving all that work value, and also say how much you appreciate his dedication to his family... and then you can slip in there that his current family, you, need him also, and that with all the stress of taking care of his mother, that the two of you, and your children if you have any, need to get away more often so there can be balance.
Attempting to avoid him making a choice between his marriage and his family is a delicate matter, especially taking into account any cultural factors. You deserve attention too, and I think/hope your husband knows that. Gently reminding him of this could be a way to get more of his time.
This is a very tough situation you are in, and I hope this was helpful. Good luck.
2007-04-16 19:42:11 · answer #1 · answered by Robert S. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
School. As long he is in school he won't deploy. My husband has been in school on and off since 2004; he came back from deployment December 2003. He probably won't deploy until at 2011, at least. However, even a school environment can be stressful and time-consuming. Though he may be "home" he may still be away a lot. Move a lot. My daughter is three years old and this is the fourth house she's living in.
2016-05-17 06:43:50 · answer #2 · answered by cherly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My father is very old and lives far away. I wish, for just one day, that I could at least cut his grass for him b4 he dies. I feel I have neglected him in the "end time" of his life for all he's done for me in my youth.
What's your husband's motive? Do you know? Is this a last-ditch effort to make some piece w/ her or himself?
One day your husband may inherit ALL the business, as it seems no one else seems to give a crap. Then you'll be set. Maybe?
I'm sorry this is so hard for you. Many of us feel tugged in different ways with the obligation of aging parents and our current families. This isn't easy. Life isn't, sister. Unfortunately, we find ourselves landing (by marriage or otherwise) in situations that conflict w/ our personal pursuit of happiness.
What do you want? Are you happy w/ this arrangement? We only feel happy, satisfied, and/or fulfilled in a relationship if we recieve positive feedback that what we have put in is appreciated. Do you feel this? Are you satisfied?
You insist on going along for the sleepovers so you can at least be close to your husband and share some time. And you feel sorry for yourself because you feel like you may be missing out on another - bigger - part of you and your spouse's life. Pat yourself on the back for your tolerance ... but don't sell your soul for someone else's happiness.
Good luck.
2007-04-16 19:51:13 · answer #3 · answered by faith_no_more86 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's OK for your husband to love his family, as long as he don't leave you wanting for anything. You should never ask a man to make a decision regarding his Mother, because if anything happens, he will always blame you for their lack of a good relationship. So, when you married for better or worse, then things will work out in time for the better.
2007-04-16 19:29:29 · answer #4 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is admirable that your husband loves his family. It would be to your benefit, to encourage him to sleep with you, in his own bed. This type of arrangement can cause problems. Tell his sisters that they will have to take their turns watching mom during the night. If he won't stand up to them, then you need to tell him that you will.
I am sure that he is a wonderful man, otherwise. His sisters on the other hand, are not so wonderful. Good Luck!!
2007-04-16 19:31:44 · answer #5 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is good to serve your parents, but when you've married and started your own family, THEY need to be your first priority. If it has come to the point when your wife (and children) are coming second to your parents, then you need to rethink your priorities. If you can, find a way to move away! Not too far, but far enough that 'the family' can't mooch off of you all of the time. That way your husband can come and help when he can, but his immediate family comes first.
2007-04-16 19:27:41 · answer #6 · answered by sheriwx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Husband loves to serve family?
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