I'm 26 & my husband is 33. We're married for 3 yrs & no kid yet. My husband likes to hang out with his guy friends. About 2-3 times/week & sometimes until pass midnight. Sometimes I joined them but most of the times my husband doesn't want me to join because he's afraid I'll get bored. I don't have problem with him hanging out with friends but I don't like him coming back late & leave me home alone. We argued about this a few times. He said sorry but he continued doing it. I think that if he continue doing things that I don't like means that he doesn't really love me but he said that's not true. What do u guys think? Am I being over protective?
2007-04-16 19:14:14 · 18 answers · asked by NIA 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
FYI, we only have 1 car. That means I hv to go back home by cab & he use the car to meet his friends. I'm 100% sure that there is no infidelity as I know ALL his friends. The problem now is ME. I don't understand why I feel this way & although I tried my best to be ok with it, i"m still torubled by it. I can't be jealous, can I?
2007-04-16 19:38:34 · update #1
You should get some girl friends and go out on your own every now and then when he's with his friends.
Even in a marriage couples need time apart.
2007-04-16 19:19:23 · answer #1 · answered by HaLF_BaKeD123 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes. My brother goes out all hours and is faithful, my sister in law doesn't care because she knows that is time with his mates. My Sisters husband sits on the computer nearly all day playing games (apart from when he's working) and she knows thats what he likes so she never complains. If you have a good relationship then you are definitley being overprotective, when he says he doesn't want you to get bored, I think he means that he doesn't want to feel like he has to entertain you, this sounds like he does care for you but still wants wind down time with his mates. It's only 2-3 times, that means you get 4-5 times a week. if you start complaining it will become uncomfortable. Use these 2-3 times to your adavantage. Let him be. Just trust him. And next time he gets home, don't complain, surprise him with wild passion.
2007-04-17 02:24:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He loves you, he comes home to you, doesnt he?
Why dont you use those nights to go out with the gals or go see family. Read a good book or do something fun for yourself.
Dont be too clingy. He needs time to have fun. Its great that you go with him sometimes. But the fact that he likes to go out with the boys is something he probably did before you ever married, and being mad now wont work. If thats the case, its you being selfish. If he continues to do it, its not because he doesnt love you, its his lifestyle.
Is this really something worth arguing about? Or is this something you can welcome him home after and he can tell you all about the good time he had? I'm sure he'd appreciate that.
Good luck!
2007-04-17 02:24:47 · answer #3 · answered by independent101 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I see where you are coming from. I just got married in Feb and my husband was pulling the same stunts. I told him that i didnt care if he went out but I was not going to be stuck at home alone more than half of the week..he needs to make a compromise. And of he loves ..remember he is you HUSBAND. :) Remember that you have friends or place you can go too. You dont have to stay at home.
2007-04-17 02:20:07 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Kimchi♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys need to spread their wings to get out once in a while, but if he's out that much. I'd say he's looking for someone to bag.
My suggestion (you will want to record this secretly)- explain to him that you want him to be around more, that it's upsetting you, do this in such a tone that you are convaying a calm persona; do not argue about it. If things get heated- back up, apologize, and let it lay.
Keep copies of credit cards, and ATMs, bar tabs, and anything else, track his nights out from now on in a log.
Should he ask what you are doing- "gathering evidence," should be your only answer.
Should he disappear for a night (which he will eventually) don't panic, do not get all bent out of shape, but do take his clothes and keep them in a sealed plastic bag.
Should he had off on business, call a moving company and move everything out. Leave him nothing, clean out your joint accounts, and drop your evidence at a lawyers office.
Its a tough thing, but if he's out that much, he's more then likely not a great catch.
Sorry :-(
2007-04-17 02:23:45 · answer #5 · answered by Harmon 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Girl,you are married for three years,you should know men's nature by now.Don't worry,if he hangs out with friends doesn't mean that he doesn't love you.In men's world (i should say,it's different from ours) friends mean a lot. May be some of his friends are not married and can spend out as much time as they want.And your husband just cant say no to them,it's very common.
...Nothing is wrong with you to get angry at times,i also got this kind of situations sometimes.May be try to join them and show him that you aren't bored and having fun as well?
2007-04-17 04:12:52 · answer #6 · answered by Lively_spirit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not being over protective, but you should continue to be cautious. Being out with his friends, some of whom are still single, things happen. Then if something gets out of control dealing with the opposite sex, he's going to say, "it just happened". Don't wait until that time arrives, let him know what your thoughts are on the matter now, and what your actions would be if you had to face anything like this. He should know that he's being inconsiderate and if you were doing this to him that he'd feel totally different about being so unconcerned.
2007-04-17 02:24:10 · answer #7 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Every person needs their guy or gal time sometimes which u gotta be understanding about. Be there also needs to be time for you to join him with your &/or his friends & also some alone time for the 2 of u. Just gotta find a good way to balance it all out for you all.
2007-04-17 02:18:12 · answer #8 · answered by meeegan2000m 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Time for some serious investigation. Sounds like you may want to check up on him . He may have someone on the side, since he acts like he doesn't want you there. Next time he goes out, ask him where they are going. Get over there and check the situation out. If he is not there, next time just follow him in a friend's car. You might want to check his computer, wallet, and cellphone also. I usually wouldn't suggest this, but this situation sounds suspicious. You are his wife, and before you have children together, you need to be sure that he is faithful.
Once a week with the guys should be plenty enough. He is a married man now and has responsibilities. He should be wanting to be with you.
2007-04-17 02:22:27 · answer #9 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
not being overprotective--just realistic...you guys are married now...not single and dating. you'd like to spend some time having some of his attention and that is your right as a wife. but you must know by now...men are slow (some are just dumb)...they don't get it. they are selfish and he's probably not getting the fact that you miss him being around. doesn't mean he doesn't love you, he either doesn't get it or doesn't want to get it. if this continues and he never changes then yes, i would begin to wonder what the marriage means to him, because a part of loving someone is learning HOW TO love them.
2007-04-17 02:21:45 · answer #10 · answered by Elle M. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋