My friend's husband, who admittedly has cheated on her and had another woman on the side for at least a year, has moved out of her home. He took all his clothes and toiletries. So this is not just some 'cooling off' weekend thing. He says he needs to think things through and decide what he wants to do (i.e., should they divorce; should he return). I think it's crazy she's giving him that much power. Why would you want to be with someone who isn't sure if he loves you enough to stay with you?
2007-04-16 18:14:08 · 14 answers · asked by Heidi from California 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Unfortunately I was just in the same situation with my fiance who cheated after only one night away from an argument. He thought he had feelings for her and didn't want to be with me anymore. He is now back here and we are working things out. I am not sure of anything. He is trying very hard but I am uncertain of the future. When your friends husband says he wants to "decide what he wants to do", that is guy talk for "I want to see if things are going to work out with this other woman first". There may have been problems in the marriage to begin with. If he does come back, they would need to see a counselor and discover what went wrong and how to communicate better. But this can only happen if he is willing to do so and commit to staying away from the other woman. Please tell her I know what she is going through. I know my fiance came back when he realized the grass was not greener elsewhere and she dumped him. This guy will find out that it is not a bed of roses with anyone else. The same problems comes up, things can get stale, once the romantic new thing wears off. Tell her to bide her time and he may realize this.
2007-04-16 20:12:01 · answer #1 · answered by theartisttwin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex did the same thing to me. It isn't a cooling off period if he made the move. It's "which one do I want to be with" period. Needless to say when my ex asked for two months to make a "decision", I made it for him. We will be happily divorced in 1 month. On the other hand, if she thinks there is a glimmer of hope for him to TRULY change and if they have children, then maybe its time to turn the tables on him. She should start calling all the shots. She should not speak to him unless its about the children for AT LEAST 6 months. When he is ready to talk she should insist on counceling. Forgiving is hard but going through a divorce is much harder especially when you have kids. In my case, I had already tried that and he proved that he just didnt care enought to change because he did it again.
2007-04-17 01:24:43 · answer #2 · answered by Jen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend may low self-esteem when it comes to men. She may think that she's not able to live on her own and really loves this man with all his faults. She needs help, but she has to ask for it and try to be happy without him while he's gone. Once she finds out how much stress will leave her life if she lets things continue without going into a depression, she'll see how happy she can be without him in her life. As is, she's giving him the power to try out this other woman with her waiting in limbo if things don't work out. He will then come back like nothing happened, which will be on her to put a stop to it. Tell her to open her eyes to reality, not it won't be easy.
2007-04-17 01:26:07 · answer #3 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are right it is either you are in or out. If someone doesn't love me then I wouldn't fight it. Of course it would hurt and it would make me feel a bit crazy but I would try to get far away from it as possible.
Talk to your friend and be there for her through this it must be terrible.
2007-04-17 02:48:18 · answer #4 · answered by *Pretty In Pink* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd let the creep cool off all right, Stick him in a freezer, lock it and put the freezer out for garbage!! Boy I feel mean tonight!
2007-04-17 01:23:29 · answer #5 · answered by ann m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she should divorce him
she can take whatever she wants almost for him cheating and admitting it....him leaving their matrimonial home ( the place they stayed and lived at mostly together while married) now is hers.
she has the upper hand if they divorce..just dont let him back in
2007-04-17 01:59:32 · answer #6 · answered by Advice giver 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your question is??????????/Take him back? She needs to file for divorce. He'll either make an about face or be in that thinking stage....Your friend will need to decide for herself. You can give people advise but if they aren't ready to listen and act. They aren't ready. Everybody is different.
2007-04-17 01:19:33 · answer #7 · answered by ACME 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about your friend but I sure wouldn't. It seems to me that if he needs time to "think" whether he wants to stay or not, he might as well stay away for good.
2007-04-17 01:21:44 · answer #8 · answered by Maricel S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOPE!!! Tell your friend it will hurt for a while, but believe me he has done your friend a favor!!! No more stress, worries, lies, STD's and who knows whatelse!!! File for a divorce - not a separation, get on with her life and find someone who DESERVES her!!!!!!
2007-04-17 01:21:45 · answer #9 · answered by JAXXIE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd change the locks on the door, open accounts in my own name, get my name off any joint debts, and find myself an attorney.
2007-04-17 05:48:26 · answer #10 · answered by Kaia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋