What should I do now?

Question

I've been married for 4 years...about 3 weeks ago I made friends with a man, I didnt tell my husband. I haven't had any sort of sexual relations with him...we are just friends. We talk a lot on the phone and I've only seen him out once. My husband found out today about him from the cell phone bill. He doesn't believe me at all that I haven't had sex with him. He left...he said he needed time to calm down and think about things. I love my husband and I dont want to lose him. I realize I have made a mistake. I'm hoping through time I can gain his trust back. I would die if he divorced me. What are you suggestions one what I need to do? He says he can't believe a word that comes out of my mouth now and he can't ever trust me.

Answer 1

Hard as it is, I think you will need to give your husband the time he needs to think. I hope you can work it out. Trust is an important thing. But your husband is right, when he has found something as distressing as that, he is not really in the right place to work on sorting it out. You can't undo it, so try to accept it and don't lose hope. If your marriage does end, it really won't probably kill you. But one thing at a time, wait for your husband, and have a think about what happened and why it happened (and about whether it would have gone further than it did). At least for your own peace of mind, it didn't (but it is still a form of cheating because you did not tell your husband). You probably need a friend or family member to talk to about this. Someone who loves you and is not judgemental. Take care and I hope you can sort it out. His hurting is understandable, but you still deserve to have some support and someone to help you through this. Maybe most men would react like your husband did and not believe you straight away, I don't know. He must love you, though, remember that too.

Answer 2

I would seem you have done enough for the time being...

Why shouldyour husband trust you? You lied and saw another man behind his back.. Not a trustworthy action...

Yet you want your husband to return and not divorce you after your actions... Yes you made a mistake but it's not a simple "Sorry hunny I back over the mailbox today it was a mistake." mistake.. You trampled over a foundation of marriage... That is not easily repaired...

Back off give your husband time to order his thoughts then accept his decision and live with the consequences of your mistake...

If him divorcing you would make you DIE you would never have started an emotional affair with another man... Stop playing the poor whipping post and start accepting responsibility for the pain, hurt and lose of trust you have caused...

Only 3 weeks have passed what would have happened in a month or 2 months or 6 months? I am sure thats' a question your husband is asking himself... It's a question you should ask yourself and brutally truthfully answer... Maybe you can be truthful with yourself even though you were unable to be truthful with your husband...

Answer 3

I can't say I blame him. Even though all you did was talk to this man, your husband doesn't know that and he would only assume the worst. If you love your husband and want to make this work, cut all ties with this other man and learn to earn your husband's trust back. Maybe you two can go to counseling together. That is why it's so important not to keep things hidden from your spouse because once trust is broken, it will take a very long time to get it back (if at all).

Answer 4

I have one word for you: Honesty. I have a male friend that I talk to almost every day and my husband does NOT have an issue with it because I don't hide it. If my friend calls, I will talk to him in front of my husband because I have nothing to hide.

If you truly had no romantic interest but were afraid your husband wouldn't believe you and wouldn't approve of the friendship you should explain to him that you were only trying to protect his feelings because you didn't feel that he would understand. Still, this sounds like B.S.

Good luck...and let him cool down!! And if you get through this make a vow to be honest in the future...not telling him about your friend really makes things look suspicious.

Answer 5

Get a new phone connection and cut off the phone relationship you had with the other guy, if though it sucks you have to that!Trust has to rebuilt again, it takes time again but rememeber do not ever try contacting the guy again if the there is nothing physically involved,Mentally it drains you down and makes you feel worthless!Your husband will soon realise that you have changed but really takes alot of effort and time!Cheating hurts physically or mentally!

Answer 6

You were having an affair, without the sex. If you thought otherwise you could have told your husband about your "friend".

Once the trust is broken it is hard to repair. You will have to show an unusual level of devotion and caring. Show that you have eyes and a heart only for him.

Answer 7

I think you pretty much know the answers yourself

be prepared he may cheat to get back at you or leave you or do something to this other guy.

And perhaps stop talking/seeing all contact with this friend.

can u see where ur hubby is coming from?

earn his trust be patient and forgiving to him..and perhaps u can work it out

perhaps its time for a marriage counsilor

its a fine line between the phone trists and not ing tellin hubby bouthim and having sex with this other guy

Answer 8

OH boy...it will be extremely hard to gain back the trust, you will have to be very understanding and very patient. It might be a good idea for you to explain what you were thinking before you started this friendship, and why you did not foresee your hubbies harsh reaction. I don't know why you did not consider his reaction, I assume you just were not thinking! Whatever the reason, it might be good to "come clean" and admit your mistake, profusely apologize, and assure him you will do whatever it takes to make it up to him - then stick to your word. Hope it works out for you, good luck.

Answer 9

the real question is why did you not tell him about the man if
it meant nothing, that the reason that he does not trust you
and he has a point, where there fire there is some kind of
smoke. you need to fiqure out what really going on. then you
can do what is right for your marriage. and he right once
the trust is gone. it hard to get back.

Answer 10

I guess give him time to calm down; I would say that having male friends - co-worker type friends is not a bad thing; but you must feel like you had an emotional affair if not a physical one.......