Separate Parent-Teacher Conference?

Question

My husband has requested a separate parent-teacher conference from his son's mother because the two of them do not get along and he says his son's mother didn't allow him to ask any questions in the last one. His son goes to a private school and they say they won't do separate conferences as it is their policy. My husband wants to know if he has any legal standing on this. He wants to be involved in his son's education but cannot effectively do so when forced into settings like this. We are in Texas.

Answer 1

Unfortunately, I don't think you have any legal standing because a school won't conference one-on-one with your husband.

Personally, as someone who bites her tongue with her ex-, I think it is important for your stepson to see that even though his parents may not necessarily get along, they can work together on his behalf. It shows tolerance and integrity.

Answer 2

The school does not have to provide separate conferences, especially since it's a private school.

Unless she has a court order, though, she can't stop the school from talking to him.

Can your husband email the teacher with any questions? If he wants to keep the ex in the loop he can always email her the whole conversation later. This will also provide written proof that he's attempted to be involved in his son's life and education should such documentation ever be needed.

You can always try talking to the principal about this, but try to understand why they don't want to do separate conferences. There have been cases where one parent asked the school for something, the other one didn't agree and the school ended up caught in the middle of a lot of nastiness.

By holding the conferences together they can avoid communcation problems so everyone is on the same page. What if they held a conference call? Everyone could listen in and have their say. Did they use a mediator when they split up? Can they get one to sit in on a conference to help stop the fighting?

A friend of mine got a picture of her son, blew it up, and attached a caption to it that said, "Keep Bob first." She brought it to all conferences and referred to it as needed. Maybe a visual will help keep the ex focused on the kid.

Good luck!

Answer 3

That is ridiculous. I don't see how he would have a legal case, however - unless they weren't allowing him in the meetings. But they are; his ex is just dominating them. So its really, their problem (your husband and his ex). The school does seem to be forgetting the principle behind their rule, however; and should make an exception, if necessary. Your husband might ask them to put themselves, in his shoes... Make it personal, to them - and not back down. You know, they could make an effort to at least accomodate the father, in some way. This really should not be turned into such a big deal. On the other hand - your husband needs to stand up for his rights WITH HIS EX. He shouldn't LET her take over the conversation - but stand firm, and put her in her place. He can do so, without disrespecting her. The school staff could also make a few mediating comments in the meetings, to help keep balance. My goodness!

I hope he is able to get this resolved. He could try going up the chain at the school, if he's unsuccessful at confronting his ex. Hopefully, someone there has the sense to handle this properly. I wish you well.

Answer 4

He needs to grow up and be able to be in the same room with her for 20 min. It's good that he's involved but he needs to realize that if every couple did this, the teacher would have twice the time put into conferences. He just needs to speak up and ask his own questions next time. You'd think he could work this out with the teacher. Maybe she'd be open to e-mailing him back and forth with concerns that he didn't bring up at the conference. Who's footing the bill for this school??

Answer 5

Why doesn't he write his questions down? Then if his ex chews up all the time, he can give the questions to the teacher and ask for an email, or a phone conference. What does it mean she wouldn't "let" him ask any questions? A good teacher will realize both parents have questions. And she certainly doesn't control him, they're not even married anymore. ;-)

It can be awful, and the nicer parent usually winds up behaving better and getting treated worse. Just find like-minded co-parents, keep behaving well for your kids' sake, and count down!

Answer 6

Who pays for the child's education? Assuming it's both your husband and his ex, and he is aware of when parent teacher interviews are occurring, he should chill out, go, stay quiet during his ex's schpiel, then ask whatever he wants to. How can she "not allow him to ask any questions," unless she gags him? My advice to him would be, take the gloves off, and do the right thing, for the boy's sake. You sound like a very caring wife, btw; hope he knows he's a lucky guy!

Answer 7

Go to the principal and tell him about the problems with communication with the ex, i'm sure that if you request a single meeting then they should agree to it. Who gives a shi* if it's their policy you's pay the fees so you deserve to have a single meeting if you's want otherwise he should go and not worry about what she says and talk over her if he has to and that way next year he will for sure get a seperate meeting. All he has to say politely is i'm sorry he's my son too and i have some questions that should make her quiet as i don't think she'd like to make a scene in front of them.