do any of you regret having children right after you were married? do you suggest waiting?

Question

my wedding is in 2 months and i'm on the pill, my fiance and i are planning on having kids 2 or 3 years after we're married just b/c we wanna enjoy the beginning of marriage and we're not ready for kids

Answer 1

SE2005, I think that is a very good idea. Many people do regret - not having kids - but having kids, too soon. Marraige seems almost effortlessly blissful, for the first 6 mos. - 1 yr. After this, the reality (or more accurately, the business part) of marraige, starts to settle in. Cloud 9 has settled a bit, and the real work, begins. By now, you both are starting to see more of each other's true colors, real ways, whatever you want to call it... Adjusting to each other, and learning the give and take, can be stressful. It takes some getting used to. This is temporary, and will pass into a groove you both will get the hang of. So don't worry about that. But having kids at this stage, adds even more stress; and some couples can't handle it. For those who can - its still a strain, they could have done without (Mentally, emotionally, physically, financially). Its all about timing.

Marraige, kids... these are not negative - but they are life. Along with the outweighing love, adventure, and reward - they take work, trial and error, and can be stressful at times.

What you described, is what I plan on doing myself. I'd stick with it, if I were you. Its easier to plan poorly, than to plan to well. :)Congratulations!

Answer 2

I would always suggest a waiting period the dynamics of a relationship after you marry can change considerably. It is best to have everything planned meaning you can afford to raise a child, you have the love and commitment that is needed in the marriage and your communication is strong.

Having a baby is not something that is all cute and cuddly like a puupy it takes hard work and sleepless nights. If you are not ready for kids saty on the pill or even consider going on the patch or the Depovera shot that lasts three months at a time with thge shot however you do not have your regular period so this can be confusing or hard for some women. I have also heard from a female friend of mine that the pill can deminish its effectiveness over a period of time and they had to change there birth control protocol. Check with your Dr. and see if he/she recommends something else if you have been on the pill for a long time. it is always best to see how the first few years of marriage go before having kids since the first couple tend to be the hardest.

God Bless and Congrats on your upcoming day remember
just enjoy each other for now. Maybe get a puppy this will test you and your hubby if you even want a rugrat running around?

Answer 3

I was recently complaining to my aunt that I thought my daughter had come too soon, but she brought up a VERY good point. She was 18 when she had her son and only 22 by the time her second child came, which at the time was rough sometimes, but now she is 43 and has no kids in the house! She and her husband have the money to go out and do things that they wouldn't have even if there were no kids in the picture and they can pick up and go on vacation whenever they want. They are both young enough to enjoy life and financially stable enough to do what they want.

Either way, it is completely up to you and your husband and no matter what anyone tells you, it is really something only the two of you can decide. You'll know when you are ready.

Answer 4

We had our first child 2.5 years after we got married and it wasn't enough. I wish we had gotten to know each other better, if that makes sense. Things seemed to have fallen apart since having the kids. However, I would do it over again exactly the same. I love my kids to distraction. ;) Just wait until you are ready, not just maybe ready, or anything else. Discuss it with him and make sure you have a plan and things are discussed beforehand. Like that corny commercial says, Having a baby changes everything. ;) Good luck!

Answer 5

To answer your question, I do not regret my children at all. My children is what keeping me going and I love them. I have 4 children and I am pretty much done, if I could I would have more put that will be too expensive.
I have to admit that when you have children it takes the romance away because the children pop up out of no where, if your trying to have sex. But there are different ways of working that out. Take your time before having children but when you have them it will be a great experience. Congratulations on your marriage...

Answer 6

Get your lives in a somewhat stable financial status before you agree to have kids. It's more than a notion to raise children and it's a responsibility that you can't stop once it's been made. Enjoy each other first and mature as time passes to be able to make sound judgments preparing for parenthood which is a life time commitment.

Answer 7

It is probably good to wait 2-5 years before you have kids. That way you can work out the getting to know you/live with you phase. Once the main kinks are worked out you should be ready for kids.

Answer 8

I dont have an answer because I had 2 kids before I ever got married, but I wanted to say congratulations and I hope you all the happiness in the world.

Answer 9

We had our 1st of 4 a year after we got married...I was 29 so the clock was ticking lol
If you are young enough, I would say enjoy each other, take vacations together and have fun...it's hard to come by nowadays for us.Nobody wants to babysit 4 kids...I wonder why?? lol

Answer 10

The couple that ran the marriage class I attended long ago and far away said..." If you wait till you can afford kids....you will never have any. " My father always said that the time that you and yours are having kids was the best time of your life. Do what you think is wise, but I hope I gave you some food for thought.