My wife is emailing her HS sweethearts. Should I be concerned or am I just jealous?

Question

Ever since my wife found out about her 20yr class reunion she has spending all of her time trying to find all her old HS boyfriends to let them know. In particular she has been sending almost daily messages to at least one of them for a few months now. She has even dug out all of her old love notes and yearbooks and prom pictures. I told her that I feel uncomfortable with it but she says its just reminiscing with old friends. We have been married for 14yrs and I feel our marriage is very strong, but there is still this bad feeling that I have. She is spending all of her spare time on the computer and has even sent out some snail mail to him. She broke up with him 20yrs ago and he still has feelings for her even though he is married also. According to my wife his marriage has been difficult lately. Should I be concerned about her going 2000mi to the reunion or am I just jealous?

I was not planning to go to the reunion because I would just be an outsider, but maybe I will reconsider.

Answer 1

It sounds to me that there may be some reasons to be concerned. A 20 year high school reunion is important and I can understand reminiscing, but there are people who place phone calls to those whose reunion is coming up. Its one thing to pull out a picture if you cant remember what the person looks like but not old letters. And in my own opinion your wife should have respected the fact that pulling out those love letters made you uncomfortable. I dont think she would like to be shrugged off if you were pulling out old love letters. Being married for 14 years is wonderfull! But the major question you should ask yourself is this : 1) Do I trust my wife, my marriage?
Hope this helps. May God comfort and guide you while you go through this problem.

Answer 2

Your wife is behaving as if she were back in high school reliving those romantic times with other guys when there was no serious responsibility involved. Fun without obligation! Tell your wife you really feel uncomfortable about her recent behavior and you would appreciate if she would come back to reality and to her marriage which is where she belongs. She is not using good judgment and I have a very uneasy feeling about this whole thing because I think you are seeing the handwriting on the wall very clearly - and it's not a good message. If your wife insists on attending this reunion it would be wise for you to accompany her because she is definitely playing with fire.

Answer 3

I am having the same problem with my boyfriend. I have been with him for 5 years and we have two kids together. But for some reason he needs to contact his high school girlfriend who he was with for 3 years. What I did about this is give him a choice. Ether he gets rid of the computer and stops talking to her or I will get rid of the computer and then kick you out! He refused to get rid of her and his computer. So I got rid of it while he was at work, and I packed up his stuff. When he came home he was furrious. A huge argument followed and I made him leave. Durring his time away he had a chance to think about things and we came to a comprimise. He can have a computer but If I see his ex's email on anything hes out for good. So far I havent seen anything to make me suspicious. I must admitt though, when I found out about him contacting his X all the time. I contacted mine out of spite, and he didnt like the shoe on the other foot. I think that was another thing he thought about while he was away. My advise to you. Make her end it! There is no reason to hang onto the past if theres no feelings there. If she argues, I think there is some hidden feelings. I know because my boyfiend argued for weeks because he just had to keep in contact with her. what does that tell you? The X needs to go. and see if she likes the thought of her X getting between your marrage. The problems it is causing.


Good luck, I know how you feel. and Im sorry to hear that you are in the same position I was. Just to let you know though. You probebly wont trust her even after they stop talking. I still dont trust my boyfriend and I always have my eyes peeled. Only because he didnt want to let her go.

If you want to talk more about it E-mail me at [e-mail]

Answer 4

I believe men have an intuition just as we do. But if you're uncomfortable with her having this contact, then she should respect your wishes. A man should never confide in a women about his marriage, as a woman should never confide in a man. THis relationship is innapropriate. I would be concerned with her going to this reunion.

I know this b/c my husband told me he was just good friends with a coworker but something was wrong to me. They emailed, texted, and hung out outside of work. I told him i didn't like it and he cut off the communication just when i wasn't home. Then last week after i thought it was all over, i found nude pics of her on his phone. he got them without her knowing, but it was such a betrayal. we have worked through it, but it wouldn't have come to this point had he listened to me in the first place.

Answer 5

Reminiscing is fine but when you told your wife you were uncomfortable with it she should have stopped. I wonder how she would feel if you did the same thing. Let her know again you don't like it and if she doesn't stop then there could be a problem. The other thing is see how she reacts to you telling her you want to go with her if she is happy about it then it might be alright but if she starts with the...you won't have a good time...speech then tell her you will have fun.... cramp her style and go.

Answer 6

I would be concerned, since she is going way out of her way to contact him and she knows about his marriage being difficult right now and such. It might also be that she is getting attention from an old flame makes her feel good but does not mean she will do anything. It is hard to tell what her reasoning is but ask her she may or may not be honest with you. How come you are not going? Did she invite you?

Answer 7

I would be concern. Old flames can be rekindled. Especially since the old fling is experiencing some problems in his own marriage. Weak moments do happen, just by trying to console him. May plans to attend the reunion.

Answer 8

sure i might it sounds as in the experience that your spouse has by no ability gotten over this guy and is likely pondering an affair with him he's likewise by no ability gotten over her the thoughts are mutual here and which ability hassle. you may desire to confront her approximately this digital mail and ask her what she is doing chatting with an previous flame?. She is disrespecting you and doubtlessly breaking the vows of marriage. that's erroneous if the tables have been grew to become I doubt she could be pleased with you digital mail an previous female buddy. get to the backside of this if she is gloomy interior the marriage then you definately choose some counselling and time to verify techniques to restoration this. Her no longer telling you her ex. BF lives in this new city is incredibly suspicious?. i could be pissed if I had discovered this recommendations out. She is being very secretive and that's one element you're no longer assume to have in marriage is secret's. God Bless and suitable desires.

Answer 9

I would be cocnerned too , I mean if you guys are happily married then there is no need to go as far as too dig up the past ... and to want to keep in contact with them. Thats so wrong. What she should be doing is getting ready for the reunion with her HUSBAND .. reunions are a time to show off with your spouse.

Answer 10

I have done what your wife is about to do....We all could be wrong, But the signals are all there that there are problems brewing.
My Xboyfriend contacted me on classmates.com 15 years after we broke up.
I agreed to meet with him for lunch one day, I knew what I was doing, I wasnt stupid. We talked before that online..then it turned into phone calls, Then it was prepaid phone cards so it wouldnt show up on the bills...Then we met.
I fell right back into love with him and had an affair for nearly 4 years!!....He cried how his wife didnt care about him, didnt show him any attension or love...bla bla bla....And I fell for it.'
He did leave his wife, but he made empty promises to me.
Anyway, I ruined my life for this man and hurt others along the way..only to have it thrown back at me 100 times worse.
Please either go with her...Or tell her your concerns and what your feeling....The heart doesnt lie but it can mislead you when your blind!!
Good luck