Help please! Husband issue (porn) cheating??? read additional info for more?

Question

My best friend came to me with this issue today, I wan't sure what to tell her other than sorry, men can suck (no I'm not sexist).

She told me that she had secretely seen her husband with porn masturbating while he thought she was asleep beside of him! (this happened several times)

but he never knew she knew (she said she was 99% sure)


then one day much later (she hadn't caught him doing this in a long time) he came to her and said that he wanted to let her know how much he loved her, that he had always struggled with porn, but had quit looking at it, lately, because he felt like he was cheating her

and then she caught him today. (doing it while he thought she was asleep beside of him)

She's not sure what to say to him, or why he would randomly lie
they have sex frequently

she told me she's not sure if she would cheat also, and is baiting him through myspace

which I said may not be a good idea if he finds out
but
what should I tell her,
I can't relate

Answer 1

O we all can relate, its just accepting what it means thats hard. These is an issue of intmacy. This is a common, common thing among relationship were conversation has stagnat'd. Also were insecurities are contoling the relationship more then the securities. This is not an issue of her inability to satisfy her man, nor is it a problem of him being unfaithful. This comes down to the fact that there both sleeping with strangers. Look at this senerio and you can see how if they'd been more "friends" (closer together, and actual caring enough to talk out there problems with each other) He for one would be able to have intimate sex with her, not fing, the differences is in what you do up the fing... but the fact that he doesn't get off mentally enough with it shows he has issues with her... most likly he doesn't feel she is what he deserves, that he should have better. Her on the other hand is a loving person, but has no idea how to handle confrontation. Not good for ether party there because he needs confrontation, we all do, its what makes friends, friends is that they'll slap us in the back of the head when they know we've done something stupid. I think she is to scared of lossing him, that she forgo's this purpose in the relationship. He is even more to blame for this, for the same reason, but he should of talk to her during the act, thats part of making love, about how she could be better for him, do better, and to make him more into the experience. Frequent sex doesnt' mean love making, which is what a relationship needs. And why do you people go on my space? Geeze no wonder he so insecure... and her to, thats time he could be spending with her! That whole relationship is fill'd with cliche' intimacy problems that are plague everyone these days thanks to all these lovly distrations! Tell her the only way to save this and not have to deal with this heck, is to actual talk to him about, get the truth from him, relate the pain, and if he doesn't and if it doesn't work, time to use those my space skills to find someone who is actual willing to grow. Thats why we get into relationships in the frist place! Not to burn time, not to deal with being alone, not to just have kids.... its all apart of growth, and these guys are stunt'd.... maybe thats why you can't relate? Ether that or your just so sure you satisfy your men, like that is the issue, that you couldn't see how to help her. We satisfy ourselves, its up to us to descide if thats what makes us happy, your poor friend's man descided she doesn't, point blank. Now he is ether still there because of family/outside pressure or insecurities/inside pressure. Not a good relationship of ether..... and I've said the fix, thats if you could convice her to do it.... not something you what to learn to do late in life with a man that doesn't really love you... namly relating her concerns and feelings.... of course isn't that why we get into relationships? not just for sex?

Answer 2

All i'm able to assert is which you would be able to desire to maintain on with your intuition because of the fact this is often appropriate!! and that i think of you already understand the respond honey. It seems such as you deserve plenty extra valuable than this egocentric guy. My ex husband substitute into into porn enormous time, and it used to make me sense unwell, no longer because of the fact he did it however the way he did it, he by no ability in touch me, and constantly hid the information all over the domicile, he substitute into continuously at it even nonetheless he have been given what he needed from me ( or so i theory! ) interior the tip our love existence substitute into ruined. i think of maximum adult males like porn and regularly theres no longer something incorrect with that, im no longer a prude, however the secrecy and so on makes it unnacceptable. If he has additionally slept with different women people honey, you may desire to do what's sweet for you and dont stand for this egocentric behaviour not extra!! reliable success, and that i wish you detect happiness quickly xxx

Answer 3

Looking at porn and cheating are entirely different things.

She should do with that as she wants, but she should treat them as separate items.