Serious answers only?

Question

I've been best friends with this guy since we were 3 years old, and were now 15.

He recently told me that his dad raped him as a child. I'm the only person he's ever told and he doesn't want anyone else to know.

How do I support him? I don't know what to do.

By the way he got into a fight with his dad and he kicked him out, [ his mom is currently in another state for her work]

My parents are traveling around England so I said he can stay with me and my younger brother til his mom gets back.

Have I done the right thing?

Answer 1

You need to get him to call his mom and tell her what's going on.

Answer 2

Ok i am not sure if you can take law into ur own hands since this horrible incident happened when he was a child but for now i think that he should go live with a relative from is mom's side. Well i think that is not the right thing to do. At this age you are not at best to let a guy live with you even if u are his best friend. Spending the night is okay but if he is staying for until is mom comes home, we don't know when that will happen, is going to be to long. Im not saying to not help him but you have to know that you are young and you cannot help him with his problems by letting him stay. For now, i think it is best if he goes and live with his relatives. You can support him by checking on him once in a while. Make sure he is alright and hang with him every now and then to make sure he is still having a normal life. Call him and check on him when you feel that something is wrong. You should try to contact his mother or have him contact his mother ot make sure she knows what's going on so that she can come back and be with him.

Good Luck my friend.

Answer 3

It is a good thing for you to take him in. However the authorities should be notified. Not only is it wrong for his father to have kicked him out, but very wrong for his father to have raped him a child. His father needs help or not only is your friend in danger, but so are other children in his neighborhood and in his family.

Since he is a minor, children's services for the county/parish you live in would be notified and they would investigate the claims. While it is scary, it's for the best since they will make sure your friend is safe. It could be by having his dad get professional help, or by having him stay with another family member for a while. None of his friends at school will have to find out.

You can support him by listening to him and being his friend through the experience.

Even though he asked you to keep this secret, it's not the kind of secret that it is fair to ask you to keep. So, talk to a teacher or guidance councilor at school. They will call the authorities.

Answer 4

Well, you've done the right thing so far. Definitely get him out of there. (But before you have him staying at your house, make sure you get your parents' approval.) He needs to find help beyond that though. A school counselor is usually a good place to start. Even though he is now 15, offenders like that don't stop after doing it just once. In order to protect everyone else that comes into contact with this guy (the dad), the authorities need to be notified. But at the same time, you cannot help someone who doesn't want help. Talk to your school counselor in confidence, that what they're there for. Just keep in mind that things will get harder before they get easier. Hang in there and know that what he needs the most is your friendship.

PS He needs to get into counseling or therapy asap. You know as well as I do that these things become a cycle. I'd hate for your friend to do something that he might regret because of something that was done to him.

Answer 5

Okay... first of all, his dad kicking him out is the best thing that ever happened to this kid. I hope he never has to go back home.

Now, as far as him staying with you... that's not such a hot idea. I know he's your best friend, and you think you know him, but people often tend to repeat (in some way) the wrongs that were done to them. Can you imagine what impulses he might have? And you and your brother would be home alone with him...

You've been a good friend to him. It's wonderful that he could open up to you. Now you should try and find another friend that he could stay with. Are any of his friends' parents home and willing to take him in??? Does he have any Aunts or other relatives in the area that could take him in??? (Stay away from paternal Uncles and his paternal Grandpa! His dad got those urges from something in HIS childhood!)

After the immediate need of housing, you need to help him through the trouble of getting well. He needs tons and tons of therapy. No one likes to think that they are "damaged," and males especially don't like to go to the doctor. But he's got to do it. It's not an option. Help him to understand this.

You are a good friend. Now be a good big sister and take care of you and your brother.

Good luck to you and your friend.

Answer 6

By offering him a place to stay, you've helped him in the short term. However, he's probably going to need to see a professional to help him deal with it.

Does his mom know about this? If not, she needs to. Either way, that's not exactly something that you can just 'get over.'

And since he's a minor... you should definitely contact the police.

The last thing that you should do is get mixed up in anything that can potentially get serious. Don't let people know he's there other than YOUR PARENTS. You don't want something to get back to his dad if it could do further harm to him, or you.

Answer 7

wow, this is some serious stuff. Um, I think that you are doing the right thing by being there for him. And letting him stay with you is a really good thing to do. I would say that you need to tell someone, but that would probably just make him feel like you have betrayed his trust. so I would say just be there for him, and let him talk to you without having to worry about you judging him. And maybe you could talk to him about telling someone about it, but I wouldnt force the issue too much... but I am sorry for the whole situation, for you and your friend- that's a lot for a 15 year old to deal with.

Answer 8

as long as ur parents know about him staying over they dont need all the info but the part that he got kicked out. though he should tell someone about the rape that way his father cant do that to anyone else. but as long as u are there for him to talk to then i think u r doing the right thing

Answer 9

Yes, you have - but I would be careful with your little brother, and I don't say this to sound mean, but alot of children that are molested have something in them where they turn on other little kids!
i think that you guys need to get a hold of his Mom and personally it may be scary but if he is telling you the truth then I would call the police or maybe someone at his school! He needs to stay away from him. You need to make sure that he has someone to talk to to that knows what they are dealing with such as a counselor.
I hope that he is OK and that you get someone to help him!

Answer 10

if you trust that he is telling the truth then you have done the right thing he needs to stay away from his dad if they fight like with all parents but as for the sexual abuse he is not going to want to report him i had a friend have the same thing happen and its hard the best thing you can do is give no advice they need to decide to hide it or let it out in the open you cant push things like this

Answer 11

of course u did the right thing. he trust u, it shows he sees in u a great friend.
u can support him by letting him have a good time with u, watch movies, talk and give him attention, cheer him up if he needs it.

treat him the way u would like a real friend to treat u if u were feeling sad.