From the day i met her i was determined to have her. i had nothing then so she did not want me. she was my strength and motivation and i strived hard to provide for her everything within my power. my success got me what i wanted most...her. i married her immediately cos i did not want her out of my sight. i showed her love and gave her everything she ever wanted. she got pregnant. the happiest news i had ever heard and then, 9 month later she gives birth to a child of mixed race. when we are both full blooded africans. how would you feel? what would you do?
2007-04-16 11:38:37 · 25 answers · asked by kwabral y 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well, if the DNA proves the kid is not yours, you need to get the hell out and don't look back.
2007-04-16 12:31:00 · answer #1 · answered by Mon-chu' 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing that I advise is that you get some help. By this I mean that you need to see a person that will help you support your feelings and attitudes. Everything else can be dealt with. When the situation as you present is the grandaddy of betrayal such as this, there is an erosion of good things that you possess such as trust in your wife, Some of the things that you least expect to be affected are and everything that you are is based on the proper balance of mental health, physical health, and the appropriate mixing of emotion, attitude and decision makers such as process of elimination, one to one correspondence, and other forms of rationality. You do not feel different but you will change on the inside and it is an erosion of sorts that will take its toll if protective action is not taken. These things are to protect you. When that is done you will be able to look at the situation more black and white, if you will and see clearly the problem and the solutions. Right off of the bat you can see the child is not the problem so there is no reason to blame any of the problem on him. Second, you are not white, therefor there is no reason to suspect that, in the absence of DNA testing that you possess any defective gene causing the incident. Well, that leaves us with your wife. Now the picture is very clear and there are but one or two questions to be answered. First, it doesn't matter the father so do not waste your time with that scenario as it will drive you crazy and your wife will probably deny it or lie to you. Second, the proof is that she slept with some one of different national origin. The final and biggest questions are here now.
1. Do you want to continue life with her knowing of this betrayal?
2. Can you prevent it from happening again?
3. Does the events prevent you from forgiveness to a point of a happy well balanced family going forward in life?
4. Can you deal with the concept that you have partner that is dishonest, not loyal, not committed to only you, and would be a concern for the continued security of your family?
This is probably about the point that I would file for divorce, demand custody of the child with out visitation rights and start looking for a partner that possessed the qualities necessary for the holding of the position of MY PARTNER in life. It is a very demanding position and I do not have the time to constantly worry about all of the little things that should not happen. Life is difficult enough day to day without the security that MY PARTNER will be there during times that I am stretched thin and need them to help balance things. I look at partners like this, I want exactly back in effort and committment what I give, no more no less but exactly. I give 110% in my relationships and am totally committed to that person. If I cannot get at least that all of the other qualities in the world do not matter as I have a security leak for everything that i own or hope to own in the future. Now is the time for decision as those decisions that carry a "I shoulda done............" only give credence that we have overlooked some aspect of our selection process for that special position. When you find them they will appreciate your philosophy especially if they have been involved with someone like your wife and have been subjected to betrayal on that magnitude.
2007-04-16 19:19:13 · answer #2 · answered by g_menagerie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might not have betrayed you. Just because the baby looks like it's mixed race doesn't necessarily mean it is. Also, there might be some blood way back in either of your history that isn't African (even if both of sets of your parents were born and raised in Africa). I recently did a family tree and discovered I had a great-great-great grand uncle who was descended from Africans. I would never have guessed it because even in the middle of summer if the sun hits me it creates enough of a glare to blind a jet plane hundreds of miles in the sky. You just never know.
2007-04-16 18:51:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey man, don't jump to conclusions. Talk to your gal, discuss your insecurities, get a DNA test and then go on from there.
Babies change a lot in their appearance and like the other person who responded said, Genetics could have played a role here....either way, good luck.
2007-04-19 04:23:07 · answer #4 · answered by Snake Eyes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is a serious question and not a joke, has it not occurred to you that the child might still be yours? It is not unheard of for a white couple to have a black baby and vice-versa. Genetics are funny things. Before you jump to conclusions (and I can't say I blame you for the one who you have come to but it might be rash) why don't you have a DNA test then you will know for sure.
2007-04-16 18:43:55 · answer #5 · answered by katieplatie 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Firstly you make sure that the kid is gonna be safe he may not be yours but a new life has been brought into this world and needs to be taken care of. Then you devorce her and say that your gonna remain ´friends´ Then when the father least suspects it you wack him if she cares for him this will also hurt her too, maybe she can watch will he gets his beats. These things take around six to nine months.
2007-04-18 03:32:09 · answer #6 · answered by dylan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would make sure you got a DNA test done before you start saying this child isn't yours. No matter what the child looks like both of you can have many ethic backgrounds in your family.
2007-04-16 18:49:05 · answer #7 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Take a blood test first. I'll tell you why.
My brothers and some of my cousins, when they were born and up to their first year. Were almost white in colour. I'm told it goes back to our "ancestors". Even today if one of my brothers hair grows too long - it turns blonde at the ends.
To look at my brothers and cousins now - you would not believe that they were ever so light skinned.
2007-04-16 18:51:14 · answer #8 · answered by fruit&nut 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is a shame. I would most definitely break up with her. If you are giving her all she needs and she is cheating on you then she does not respect you and now that she has crossed that line she will have no problem doing it again. You sound like your worth more then that right. Dump her and find you a new queen. I'm sorry for your circumstances. Best of luck to you.
2007-04-16 18:45:00 · answer #9 · answered by Girl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you know for sure it's not yours, then sit down and decide if you can forgive her, or TRUST her ever again. If you can't, then move on, this time with someone who wants you as bad as you want her. Life is too short to waste on someone that doesn't value, and cherish you. If she still wants to be with you and you CAN forgive and trust her again, then muster up the strength to move forward. I feel your pain. Betrayal hurts worse than anything. Good luck to you.
2007-04-16 18:54:00 · answer #10 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I you sure none of her family and yours has any mix race history? If you want to make sure, do DNA test, not only yours but hers as well incase it is a mixed up (unless you were there when he/she is born).
2007-04-17 14:21:22 · answer #11 · answered by lala 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋