I need some ideas to trick my head into being a POSITIVE PERSON??? My glass is not half full , it's EMPTY???

Question

I think in a negative way, because I have had so many disappointments in my life I learned that if I didn't get my hopes up too much than I won't get my heart broken again. Also I have no more hope that my life will be good, ever. I lost all hope.
I wake up everyday thinking it's gonna just be the same old bad day. I sing that new song
from Martina Mcbride, Dream it anyway,
trying to cheer myself up, but I need more help.

Answer 1

Hey Sugar, I love your avatar-photo and name! Cool! I like your question too. I will give it a star, because I think lots of people need help with this. Fortunately, there is help!! You feel like your glass is empty today, but don't worry. Drop by drop, it's gonna fill up, and one day will be overflowing... The glass is in your head, and you have the power to find beautiful things to put into it... This is going to be a grand adventure for you!!!

One time I was traveling in Europe and stayed in a youth hostel near London. They had this wall where everyone could write or draw whatever they wanted. I saw this saying, and I will never forget it. It said: "Life is the question. How you live it is the answer."

It meant so much to me because, like you, I often felt like my glass was completely empty, due to all the disappointments in my life. But then, that saying really got to me. It was telling me, yes, life can hand you a big bowl of lemons. But if you squeeze those lemons and add sugar, then you've got lemonade! I felt hope for the first time in a long time because I realized that although so many disappointing things had happened, I could find strength from the disappointments.

Here's what I did:

(1) Took a piece of paper and drew lines to separate it into three areas. In column one, I made a list of each major disappointing thing. In the second column, I wrote how it hurt me. In the third column, I wrote what positive lesson I could learn and how I could use that new knowledge or strength in the future. I spent a few days on this. Then, I cut the third column off, the one with the positive lessons and strengths on it, and I kept it. The rest of the paper I took outside, lit a candle, and burned the paper with the painful things on it. I said to myself, "All those painful things happened to me, and I suffered from them. But now they are over, and I let them go. I'm grateful for the positive lessons these painful things taught me. I am keeping the positive lessons, and these will become something good and wonderful in my life." For example, my grandfather, to whom I was very close, died when I was 17 years old. So I had put that in column one. I missed him so much and was hurt he was gone. That was column two. But I learned from his death that relationships are precious, don't take them for granted, and enjoy them every day. Enjoy those people you love while they are alive, and enjoy them in every way you can. That was the lesson that I took away from his death. When you keep the lessons but let go of the painful events, your spirit is free and can start to soar once again... I carried around the list of positive lessons in my pocket for a long time, and when I felt sad or hopeless, I pulled it out and studied it. And I remembered again that I had let go of the painful past, but held on to the positive lessons to make myself stronger...

(2) I learned about how to become more optimistic by reading a book called "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman, a good psychologist who discovered that people can learn new ways of thinking about what has happened to them. When we are feeling hopeless and pessimistic, we tend to think it will last forever and that it effects everything. But we can begin to question this. Most of the time, we will see that it won't last forever. Nothing lasts forever! We can get over the pain, and we can find new ways to live... Life has presented you with a challenge. That's a gift, because you can handle this challenge, and you can bring you a new and better way of living. You might need some help with this challenge, but you can do it! If reading the book isn't your cup of tea, then see a counselor or psychologist who knows about learned optimism and have them teach you.

(3) I discovered that there are certain things in life right now that are wonderful. I made a list of those. I saw that some of those things cannot ever be taken away. You can put stars by the things that will always be with you. For example, I can tell you are a thoughtful, kind, and caring person. That's a positive thing in your life right now. Nobody can take that away from you. So many people are thoughtless, unkind, and don't care. You are one of the lucky ones. That's a treasure. I don't know you, of course, but I know you have many wonderful things within you and around you. Take some time each day to notice those things and to feel thankful for them.

(4) I found that I needed some new and fun interests in your life! Here's what you do: Think about some new, interesting, or fun things you'd like to do. Think of things that make you feel good. Okay, make a list. Yes, another list! Let your imagination run wild! Some things will be big, others will be small. That's okay. Think of some things you can do right now. Do you love flowers? Okay, go visit a park that has flowers blooming. Or buy yourself a bouquet and bring it home. Or buy someone else some flowers and take them to them... Every day, look at your list and pick something that you are going to do that day to have fun, to enjoy life, and to nurture yourself. Learn how to give yourself a self-massage with warm, scented oils... or go and get a massage or manicure or pedicure... Cook your favorite meal, or go out to eat in a favorite restaurant... Ask a friend over to watch a funny movie... Take a new exercise class... Take a class to learn some new skill, or art, or craft, or whatever interests you... Every day, add some more new things from your "treat list" and every day, be sure to give yourself a new treat, no matter how small. Something just for you to enjoy...

(5) I found it very uplifting and fun to practice acts of random kindness. Whenever you can, just do something helpful for someone else, for no reason at all. Like, let that lady with the cranky children get in front of you in the line at the grocery store. Send your mom or dad a pretty card. Write an old friend you haven't heard from in a while. Take a sister's children off her hands for an afternoon. Serve in a free soup kitchen for the homeless one day a week. Smile at someone who looks lonely or scared.

(6) I decided that I needed friends, and lots of them. So... maybe you'd like to make new friends. Or reach out to others who are in your life now. Be the kind of person that others want for a friend. Find new activities where you can meet other with your interests. This one really helped me a lot. Like, if you'd like to try folk dancing, join a folk dance group. Or take an art or photography class. Or go skating. Join a church, if you don't belong and if that interests you. Or learn to meditate from a class or group that seems friendly and harmless. (Avoid bars and alcohol as ways to meet people and have fun, as this isn't very helpful.)

Anyway, whatever you do, reach out to others who look interesting and fun. Create new friendships by being a good friend. Appreciate the friendships you have, including the ones in your family. If you and your mom are good friends, go give her a hug and let her know you love her. If your brother or sister is special to you, give him/her a call and let them know. If you have a good friend, ask her out to lunch. Find a new joke on the internet to tell her, or find some other way to make her laugh while you are out together. Laughter is the best medicine... Take your friend for a ride in the country... smell the fresh air... go somewhere new... smile and make eye contact with everyone you meet...

(7) Lastly, I took a long look at my life and decided to improve my lifestyle. Some things you can ask yourself: Are you exercising for 30 - 60 minutes a day? Do you eat fresh fruits and vegetables each day? Do you get a little sunshine each day? Do you have at least 3 friends you could call upon when you need to talk or have fun? Do you have someone you can hug? If any of these things are not doing so well, then work on changing those things. Get books, search the web, and find ways to improve whatever areas you feel could use some help. These things will definitely lift your mood and make you feel more positive. Oh yes!!!

You go girl! Your life will turn around before you know it! Every single one of these things will make a positive difference in your life..... Some of them may seem indirect, but they all impact on creating a new life for yourself, one in which you will find beauty, truth, and joy... the kind that can't blow away, no matter what happens to you...

Answer 2

I think for some people optimism is simply not an option. If you're religious, remember that there is a Creator who wants the best for you, and read up on the tenets of your beliefs. If you're not, or you don't want to think positive through that method, try realism. You increase your knowledge about the way things work and then you can reasonably predict how they will turn out. The resulting analogy is that the glass is neither half full nor half empty. It is 50% liquid and 50% air.

Answer 3

Think of it this way, what good are you doing by thinking in a negative way about life/relationships. You'll miss opportunities at happiness if you can't recognize them, and you won't be able to recognize how good this life is if you cover your eyes with negativity. If you don't like your life right now, change it. You do have the power to do what you want. Move to a new place. Get a new perspective on life, your soul will thank you. The greater the risk, the greater the reward.

Answer 4

when things seem really tough, just look at all the good things in life. you sound like a nice girl, so you probably have a lot of friends. you could be doing good in school, or have the best sister that you wouldn't trade the world for.

no matter how bad you think you have it, there's always someone out there that has it worse than you. be glad that you're fortunate enough to even have a computer, or access to one because there are people out there that don't even have a roof to sleep under and never will. just think about those people, and if you want to take a really big step in feeling good about yourself, try helping those that are less fortunate than you. for example, I am very big on the hunger and homeless issue. at school, i promote awareness of the situation, and off campus, i volunteer to serve meals to elders.

helping others feel better makes me feel good about myself. Try it.

Answer 5

If you are religious, every great men/women who did great things in history went through low moments of their time. I heard the guy who create Heische chocolate went bankrupcy six times. The upper religious figure up there will test your will to proof that you can do great things.

If you are not religious, through out history, it is proven that only people with strong will, courage and consistency will be rewarded with success. The going get tough, the tough get going. One good thing about failure is that you can learn from failure and find a way to success.

At least you are in a sort of ok live compare to many people. You have time and access to technologies like internet and computer. Many people are struggle to meet it's need everyday. They just keep going.

Don't think about what you don't have. Think about what you have. Also, think about 5 years down the road and how you can archieve your goal.

Answer 6

Hi, First, stop starting each day with a negative thought. If you think today will be like all the rest then it will be. Also, instead of just singing Martina's new song, believe it!

From reading your post I get the feeling that you are waiting for someone or something to finally make you happy. My son passed away in September 06 and boy did it open my eyes! I always used to tell him "someday...." and now I realize that he didn't care about "someday...." he only cared about right now. Make yourself happy, believe in yourself first. Find happiness with who you see in the mirror. Then start to make your changes.

Write down a daily "happy" thought. And if you don't have one of your own, you can look up a quote online. A favorite of mine is "If you think you can or you think you can't, you are right." Another one is... "A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song." by Maya Angelou.

You also have to "allow" yourself to be happy. After my son died I blocked out happiness. I now know that I need to feel it and it is okay. I'm allowed to be happy, even though my son died. Same for you. It doesn't matter what has happened in your life. You are allowed to be happy and to find happiness. I wouldn't recommend you take a huge step and then tomorrow look for a change. Instead, take a small step every day and you will start to not only see the change but believe in it.

You can't live in the past, the past doesn't define who you are today either. So decide who you want to me in the present, right now. And work toward that. Wake up every day and think about what you want. Don't think, I'll do this but it will probably end up the same old way it always does. If you do, you are automatically setting yourself up for failure. Instead, KNOW that today will be the first step, and tomorrow will be the second step......and before you know it, you will believe in yourself and your happiness. And sure, you might slip up every now and again, but that is the beauty of tomorrow.... you can always pick up where you left off!

And as Martina sings, "Sing it anyway!" In spite of how bad you feel or how negative you might be feeling, sing it anyway! Think that happy thought, keep your happy thought/quote with you through out your day. You can even right your favorite line from the song and look at it 100 times a day! I've been accused of being "too" positive and when my son died I thought, well maybe I am. Now I know, you can't be "too" positive. Even in the face of negativity and bad things happening....find the bright side and bask in it! As a human being you own that right!!!

Good Luck to you, my dear! :)

Answer 7

Pick up The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. It has a lot of techniques to help you change habits of distorted, negative thinking. It's based on cognitive behavioral therapy, but if you can't see someone, you can at least work on some of the techniques yourself.

Answer 8

Take a small step, and be happy with it. Get used to it and excel it. When you finish, take an extra small step.

The point is to not overload your mind with so many positive things to do, because that will not motivate you to really do it.

Try as much as you can not to sleep in a bad mood. Try to charge your mind with a happy feeling before you sleep.

Remember our fathers; people who triumphed and made victory out of an impossibility.

Read Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, from page 42 the story titled "Desire Outwits Mother Nature" and you will never be the same again. I have already attached to you the eBook.

Answer 9

you are having negative thoughts and not doing anything about them. You have to tell your self not to think bad thoughts and always look for the bright side. when you Wake up and see the sun shine just think how many people are not as fortunate as you are and then your day should be better . If you do this and wipe out bad thoughts pretty soon you will be in a better frame of mind.

Answer 10

When you find yourself having a thought you don't like, tell yourself, "Stop." Then say aloud or to yourself the new thought you want to have about the subject. Practice this and you can train your mind to think in a new way.

(Paraphrased from Conversations with God by Neale Walsch).

Answer 11

look up self hypnosis
i do it and i had been a negative person
after in pretty positive about things and you can train yourself to do the goals you want to accomplish

it works!