should I leave now?

Question

I've been with my husband now for ( well, we will be married 9 yrs in Dec) anyway, he's cheated on me once, I forgave and tried to go on that was in 98, I will be compleatly honest because you do not know me nor do I know you, I need answers. I have given so much in this relationship, especially funds, and I have given every kind of thing a man like in wants, but when it comes to sex, its when he wants it, I supported him through college and he finished but has not presued it ( makes me mad) My boys dad died last year so they have no dad.
He talks about other women like its nothing ( i put up with it) I have an income and live in an area rent is cheap, state is cheap, I've been thinking about leaving and don't know how to actualyl go about it, I want to do it when he is at work, he does not abuse me (By hitting) but mentally I am wore out, he is always saying "I'm sorry" but its getting so old I can't take it.
He even does little lies which add up and its driving me crazy what to do?

Answer 1

have you TOLD him how you feel?
really?
try marriage counselling first, if that does not help, start saving your money!

Answer 2

Has he cheated on you again, since the incident in 98? Ok, honestly? You chose to forgive him, so you cant use that against him. If his talking to other women bothers you, then you need to tell him. Sounds like your just kinda sick of him. Cant say I blame ya, he's let you down alot. So, take a breather; I mean, get your own place, and sort through your feelings. You know the old saying, distance makes the heart grow fonder. If your really sick of him, you'll feel relieved, and if you really love him you'll miss him and all his annoyances will be worth putting up with just to have him in your life. You could try some counseling while seperated, and hopefully work through the issues you guys have.

Answer 3

Just last night i read there is actually more than physical/verbal abuse. If he's mentally abusing you, taking advantage of you and cheating, i really don't know what you are doing with him, unless you are suffering from attachment syndrome.
No daddy is better than having a loser for a dad, and eventually have your children follow his example.
I feel he is really comfortable in his situation right now, and he won't move a finger to help you solve your problems.
From the bottom of my heart, i'd tell you to leave.
Find a good lawyer first (keep your mouth closed about it), let him tell you what to do and give him the divorce papers. Read on:


Women and men can be verbal abusers.: The following recurring thoughts indicate you are being mentally or emotionally abused by your spouse or lover.
"Sandy has no right to do that."
"I had better not tell Harry or he will be mad again."
"I'd better keep this private to avoid being criticized again."
"I can never do anything right with Chris."
"I can't stand it when Erin does that to me."
"Sometimes I think Natalie is tearing me apart with her mouth."
"Bob is always so sarcastic."
"When Pat talks to me like that I feel really small."


All abuse takes a toll on self-esteem. The abused person starts feeling helpless and possibly even hopeless. In addition, most emotional abusers are adept at convincing the victim that the abuse is his/her fault. Somehow, the victim is responsible for what happened.
Emotional abuse can take the form of:
Extramarital affairs
Provocative behavior with opposite sex
Humiliation and put-downs
Hypercriticism
Refusal to communicate
Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice
Unreasonable jealousy
Extreme moodiness
"I love you but..."
"If you don't shape up, I will..."
Domination and control
Withdrawal of affection
A common form of emotional abuse is "I love you, but..." That sounds so sweet, yet it is both a disguised criticism and a threat. It indicates, "I love you now, but if you don't stop such-and such, that love is of short duration." It is a constant put-down that works on your self-esteem.

And mental abuse often has some threat involved such as, "If you don't shape up, I will..."
"If you leave me, I'll go off without a trace. You and the kids will never find me and never get a penny from me."

All abuse takes a toll on self-esteem. The abused person starts feeling helpless and possibly even hopeless.

In addition, most emotional abusers are adept at convincing the victim that the abuse is his/her fault. Somehow, the victim is responsible for what happened.

Mental abuse is a blow of death to your self-esteem. Often the first step in leaving the abuse is obtaining counseling to rebuild that esteem

Answer 4

Life is too short. If the bad outweighs the good in this relationship, or you're not happy, then you need to do whatever you need to do to find that happiness. If you did your best, and you've tried to talk it through and nothing has changed, and he's still a liar, then I feel you've earned your way out. As far as how to get out, if you've supported HIM, then you're stronger than you think, and you can do it...you're just hesitant of the unknown. Don't spend another year miserable. Today is a new day!

Answer 5

Lady, you know he's using you, if you don't listen to me been their went through it,Find a place and leave,you'll find out after awhile it was the right thing to do. I REALLY DO KNOW THE MENTAL ABUSE IS WORSE KIND. I really feel for you. Do it as soon as possiable!!! TELL HIM I'M SORRY,I KNOW HE WON'T LIKE IT.

Answer 6

It sounds like there is a serious trust issue between you two: you don't trust him about money and about him being faithful to you. I could not live with a man like this, no matter what. Also, I think it's time you learn to respect yourself and say "no" whenever you feel it is "no".

Answer 7

Find you an apartment and when time move out while he is at work and serve him with divorce papers. You have a right to be happy and this guy betrays and disrespects you.

Answer 8

honey are you married to my husband? What you are going through is nothing new. Either get out because you love yourself more or stay in because you love him more.

Answer 9

You know its time to leave...you just have to do it.