My girlfriend says that my mother smothers me and that is abuse and I in turn smother my girlfriend.What 2 do?

Question

I'm aware of my mother's controlling tendencies which I think stem from her upbringing being based around a 9-5 existence from ages 16-65 yet I work freelance never any two days the same. Also, my girlfriend split from her husband 7 months ago and whilst I recognise the validity of her comments, I wonder if she's focusing on this in order to avoid issues in her failed mariage. Comments and guidance are most welcome.

Answer 1

It sounds like you already answered your own question. It is very soon after the demise of her mariage.She may be projecting the problems she had in her relationship with her husband into this new relationship with you. Perhaps you enjoy your mother smothering you(moms are quite often great cooks, fantastic with grandchildren, and have a hard time backing off from their son' serious relationships which they always claim they are doing to simply help you out. Could it be your mom has the empty nest syndrome? Assure both women that you love them, and that you will seriously think about all of their needs including your own. Good Luck. Don't shut out your mom or your girlfriend. If your girlfriend is pestering you because you like seeing your mom for a few hours each week, then it's your girl with the problem.

Answer 2

It more or less depends on your age. If you are quite young and your mother is controlling, it is something you can work on. If you are a little older and your mother is still controlling and/or smothering you, then there may be something to it.

What you may need to think about is whether you had a problem with the way your mother acted before this girlfriend came along. If not, then it is more than likely your girlfriend's problem rather than a problem between you and your mother.

As far as you smothering your girlfriend, is there any validity to this? If so you may just need to work on the problem between you and your girlfriend and leave your mother out of it.

If your girlfriend's ex-husband was controlling, then she may be extra sensitive to this issue.

You need to talk to your girlfriend and get specifics on what behavior bothers her.