what should i do??

Question

I am a 23 year old black female my boyfriend is a 35 year white male and he can not stand black people. He has asked me to marry him and has told his whole family about our plans to marry. his father doesn't mind but his mother can't stand the idea and his brother really hasn't said much on the subject. the problem is he doesn't want our families at the wedding. he just wants a few of our close friends. every time i try to talk about our families getting to know each other he changes the subject or simplely walks away. i don't know what to do. i want to spend the rest of my life with this man and have children of our own but at what cost? i want our children to know their family and to know were they come from.

Answer 1

Why would you want to marry a guy who doesn't like or respect your culture. Dump his butt!

Answer 2

If you're worried about having the whole "traditional" kind of family relationship, get out now. You can't change people...especially racist ones. No matter how sweet you are, or what you do, it wouldn't be enough. HOWEVER, if you love him, you can still be with him, and have a wonderful family and just forget all the tidy little one-big-family story. You just have to learn that not every family has this nice white picket fence with Gramma, Grampa, and the whole sleu, waiting to kiss you on the cheek and eat banana pudding together. Screw what the rest of the family thinks. I'm a white female, and I come from the Bible Belt. The worst thing I could have done (and did ) was marrying a Mexican. I figured they could either like it, or lump it. It's my life. Once they got to know him, he was "ok". They're still not estatic about it, but who cares? It's about the love he and I share, not me, him, and the whole family. Why would you let a good one get away just because everyone else is simmering in stupidity and ignorance? I wouldn't keep nagging him about it all. Listen to your inner voice. Decide what you want most from this deal, and then act accordingly.

Answer 3

So wait, the man you want to marry can't stand African American people and you are an African American women?Why is he with you then? Let me start off by saying, he is much older than you, and he sounds very immature. Personally, I don't think this is a man that you need to settle down with. Any good man, would have the common decency to allow the families to be at the wedding even if it is small, even in the case that his family does not want to attend that doesn't mean your family doesn't. Call it quits and find a man that respects the person you are and the background you come from. If there are already issues coming up and you aren't married, then there will probably be a ton more to come with a marriage. Don't let him use you as a way to get back at his family, which is what it sounds like to me. You should never be with anyone that does not have respect for the person that you are. Plus if you are African American and you have kids with him, your kids will have African American in them.. is that something that this man is ready for?

Answer 4

You are getting RED flags all over the place. LISTEN to your heart and follow it. You have INTUITION for a reason! Believe, me, when you have been married to someone that has an issue about something as serious as this, THEY do not change. Go to the Courthouse someday and request a copy of the amt of marriages that are dissolved after just 1-5 years.. It is sickening. If you have any doubts about marrying someone like this, listen to what your heart is telling you.

Your Boyfriend is a racist and hates where you come from. He has major issues and you need to dump him immediately!! HE DOES NOT LOVE you, but thinks he is superior and will only treat you that way AFTER you get married, and there is nothing you can do. If you already have a child, please don't bring them up in this kind of environment.

Your boyfriend and his "FRIENDS" need HELP.

GET OUT now, before it is too late.

Take Care ~ I am sorry to hear this is happening to you. HATE needs to stop... I am so tired of hearing/seeing this happen to people. It makes me sick to know that stuff like this goes on in relationships... IT IS NOT NORMAL. He is CRAZY!!!

Answer 5

These issues are FAR to important to dismiss. You need to sit down, and lay it all down on the table. Be flexible about some things, but be firm about the things that are important to you. This is the rest of your life you're talking about, and the father of your children. You might feel right now like you want to spend the rest of your life with this man, but are you going to feel that way 5 years from now when your relationship with your families has deteriorated, and that deterioration is causing friction between you and him? This isn't a small thing. If he isn't willing to put in every single effort to make this situation good, then believe me, he's not ready to get married.

Answer 6

if you want peace in your life, try to find another guy. I come from the different races family, but we live a life of ease. this is very sensitif problem. If there is a conflict from the first time, it will be a long story then. Come on, there are many handsome, kind, and understanding guys out there. Take a vacation alone to other city or place, open your eyes. You will find something different and what a beautifull world.

Answer 7

This is a perfect example of YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! You cannot possibly believe you could have any sort of life with this man. He doesn't care anything about your background, your family, or how harmful this all would be to children. And the last thing you need is to be married to a racist....too much hate to build a marriage on.

Answer 8

These are very important issues. Your children deserve to know their family and their heritages. I hate the idea that families can't get along because of prejudices or preconceived notions. Maybe the time is not yet right or maybe your boyfriend will open up a little more and the discussion can be had.

Answer 9

well I really didn't get too far in to your letter, I got as far as he's white and your black and how he doesn't like black people. I think you need to stop right there and relize you are black and any future children you have will be black. He needs to grow up. He sounds like a real ***. He doesn't mind black when they are in this bed.....get away from him like really fast you can do way better than him.

Answer 10

this whole thing has disaster written all over it. if he's not willing to accept your family now, then how do you think he's going to act in the future once your family wants to be part of your children's lives? and furthermore, if he can't stand black people, then why is he wanting to marry one? your family and your heritage is part of who you are, and if he can't accept that, then this is not going to work.

Answer 11

Your boyfriend is prejudice and it is Very EVIDENT! You need to end your relationship NOW, he will NOT change things will only get WORSE! He won't meet you own family, that is a VERY BIG RED FLAG! Forget HIM and go on with your life, there are plenty of fish in the SEA! GO FISHING FOR A BETTER CATCH!