I have been with my husband for 6 years, married for 2 yrs, and have 2 beautiful kids. A 3 yr old and 1 yr old. On December 2006 I found out (by child support papers that were mailed to my house) that my husband cheated on me. To make long story short, the woman who he cheated on me with has a 3 yr old daughter as well. She gave birth on October 2002 and I gave birth February 2003. While we were dating, he never told me about this 1 girl he slept with. What hurts me the most is that he never told me this. If I would have known he had cheated on me, I would have cut the relationship off. But now im confused! I have 2 beautiful kids and im just hurt. PLEASE HELP!!!
2007-04-16 07:20:11 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband was the one who opened the child support letter. Later that night, we had a loong conversation, he apologized, cried, etc.. But im extremely hurt about the fact that he might have another kid.
PS: The little girl looks like him and thats why im devastated. Were in the process of getting a paternity test : (
2007-04-16 07:32:27 · update #1
Wow. What does he have to say about all of it? Is he remorseful? I think it honestly depends on you both feel about it, each other and your marriage. As long as it doesn't turn into a "Fatal Attraction" kind of thing.....I know you're hurt, and rightfully so! I would be too!
2007-04-16 07:30:35 · answer #1 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was not honest and he has the child to prove it!!! Like now your children are paying for it by the money you need for them and your houehold by disrespecting their mother. What ashame. I believe that I could never get over the devastation and betrayal!!! I could never trust him again. I'm sorry! The child will always be a reminder of what he did to me.He cheated and didn't even use protection ............how selfish and careless to possibly bring home a disease that could kill me . How thoughtless was that??? You are damed right to be hurt......I imagine it has made you half crazy. Get some counseling.......some one to help you honey! What is next? Visitations? How will you deal with that ? Can you? Your whole world has changed from what you thought it to be. Why do married men hurt women like that? They always have a choice...................are they that stupid? I don't know I would need some time away from the situation to think more clearly. It must be very difficult to even feel like taking care of your own children through all this mental abuse at times. You need a break! Get family to help with the children for a day or two and get away if you can? What can your husband do to rectify this problem that he caused? Is he helping you at all. Saying something?? Does he understand what this has done to you. Can you forgive him, and where will this child fit into your lives? Can you do it? Do you have the heart to? I really hope the best for you.........I really do!
2007-04-16 14:51:55 · answer #2 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The facts of your life cannot be changed, period. Only you can change. You either accept the situation or you don't ... don't be too quick to throw what you have away, but if you cannot live comfortably with this, then cut the ties now. You cannot spend a life punishing him for the past. If you try, HE will leave. Whatever you decide, make sure it works on all fronts, not just some. There are far worse things in life than what you have going on for you. If he has been faithful since your marriage, then you have a chance...but, if you are going to call to check up on him at every turn, give it up now...he will not stand for that, and neither would I. Good luck in whatever you decide. Know that this child support will be coming out of your combined pockets for a very long time. IF every time you see a canceled check, you are going to relive this, then leave now...for some things cannot be changed. good luck
2007-04-16 14:31:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No doubt, your husband was afraid to tell you about this child, so don't drag him through the mud now that you know. This is an opportunity for the two of you to build a stronger bond. If you love him, let go of your pride (which is actually what's causing your pain), and stand with your man.
Also, understand that you and he were DATING with this happened. He was not obligated to you. It would have been nice if he didn't see other girls, but there was law that said he could not. He was not married to you. Perhaps there's a reason why the three of you weren't using protection, but that's not the issue now. There is a child in the world who needs her father's support, both financially and emotionally. That's the issue and it's what you and your husband must deal with.
2007-04-16 14:58:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Long ago in a galaxy far far away a man talked about "unconditional love". He cheated on you, ok. Accept it. Guys are that way. Women feel that men should all act and feel the same way they do. It ain't gonna happen. Guys are guys. Will he do it again? You never know. But you have to decide if he is worth the pain. It is pain and there is nothing you can do about it. It lets you know that you are really alive, but it is a roller coaster, and it will be with you for a long time. Advice? Drop back ten and punt. That has little or no meaning to you and this situation, but it is the best advice you will get. It is not something easy to deal with, but love is blind and usually stupid. And almost everyone has gone through it in some degree.
2007-04-16 14:45:24 · answer #5 · answered by bocasbeachbum 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is really hard. My husband did the same but the only difference was we were married. I chose to stay and prayed that he wouldn't do it again......but he did and it will continue to happen as long as we women allow these men to cheat and get away with it. As far as the baby goes you will never get this child's face out of your head. I couldn't and from time to time I still think about it. You have two small children so whatever you choose now would be the perfect time to make your move if that's what you decide to do. Good Luck and most of all take care of you.
2007-04-16 15:40:56 · answer #6 · answered by Butterfly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for what is happenning to you. I know that you are crushed and devastated . I feel for you.
Now, something that you should remember...that all happened before you got married. Secondly, you are now the wife and you are here for better or for worst, and you have to be strong and stand by your man. Do not blame the little girl, it's not the little girls fault. I know that you will probably feel the impulse to resent this child product of hi cheating, but dear, it's all water under the bridge now.
My advice: Be a lady, support your man thought this and be prepared to open your home to a sibling for your kids.
Good luck
2007-04-16 15:09:18 · answer #7 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh wow. I am so sorry.
This situation will never go away. You are going to have to figure out if you can get past this. Do you really want to be married to a man and have YOUR income help support his OTHER child?!?!
Personally, I don't think I would be able to live like that. If I were in your position I would be questioning what OTHER women did he not mention. You would never know about this woman had she not decided to ask for child support.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this, and I hope for the best.
2007-04-16 14:34:59 · answer #8 · answered by jezyka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to feel hurt! This happened to my daughter-in-law. She determined that she loved her husband (my step-son), and that she was going to try to make things work.
Take some time for yourself right now. Let yourself get over the shock of this announcement before you do anything.
Encourage him to request a DNA test (the child may not even be his!). If you want to stay with him, decide together how involved you will try to be in this child's life. Try to be friendly to the other mother, even though she was the "other woman." If you are going to stay with your husband, this woman is going to be a part of your life like it or not. try to find something to like about her.
Try to find out something about the last 3.5 years. Why is this woman coming forward now? What has changed in her life that has suddenly made her decide to claim support after such a long period of time?
Get to know the little girl slowly. You may just all in love with her!
Finally, try to remember that although he had a relationship with her, you are the woman that he married, and you are the woman that he is with now. How you react to this will likely determine the course that things will take.
I do hope that things work out for you.
Namaste
2007-04-16 14:30:53 · answer #9 · answered by browneyedgirl623 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should divorce him. Once a cheater, always a cheater!! Cheaters do not respect their partners and therefore will cheat over and over again. Cheating is not a mistake and not forgiveable. You and your children will do better without him.
You might not have been married, but you had already been with him for almost three years when this other woman got pregnant by him. While he might tell you that she is the only one, there is no reason to believe him. There is a high probability that he has slept with others.
Take care,
Troy
2007-04-16 15:12:35 · answer #10 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly believe that your husband is sorry and that this has been the only time he has cheated, then you have some decisions to make. If this is your husband's little girl, then he is responsible and owes it to that child to be in her life, financially and emotionally. If you can't handle this (and I don't know if I could) then you will need to end your marriage. If you think you can handle it, then go on and do the best you can to forgive.
2007-04-16 14:41:10 · answer #11 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋