It is too soon?

Question

This is new groud for me, so I'm not sure what's "right" or "wrong".....My husband and I are legally separated and in the process of divorcing (no kids). Well, I met someone I'm really interested in and would like to possibly start dating. My question: is it too early to date since we're not divorced yet?

Obviously something wasn't clear here...I'M DIVORCING MY HUSBAND (for cheating on me if you must know). I don't need help fixing my marriage.

Answer 1

Of course it's too early to date. What kind of a man goes out with married women? And what do you have to offer him as a married woman? Clean up your first relationship before starting on another-- that's the decent thing to do.

Answer 2

I don't think it is too soon from the standpoint of not being divorced yet as long as you know 100% that there is no going back to him. The real issue is whether you are actually ready to get involved in a serious relationship yet. Did you date anyone else or is this the first guy you've had an interest in. A general rule of thumb that works out pretty well is to wait 1 month for each year you were married or a minimum of 1 year. That usually gives you enough time to stabilize emotionally from the failed marriage. Even if you are the one who left there is still emotional baggage that needs to be put away.

Answer 3

Megan,

There is truly no right or wrong answer for you.

The only caution I would have is that you don't jump into a new relationship too soon and have it be the "rebound" relationship. I know none of us wants to admit that it could happen to us but most of us didn't think that we would end up divorced either.

It is not too soon to date if you feel you are ready. Just try and take it easy and let your heart heal for a bit before committing to someone new. It would not be fair to you or to the new man in your life if after a while you realize that you needed to "be needed" or just needed affection at a time when you were hurting. None of us want to hurt another human being like that and considering what you are currently going through (and why it is happening in the first place, due to the ex cheating) you may need some more time to heal that you think.

My best piece of advice is listen to your heart but lead with your head. If you think that you may need some healing time take it!! The new guy will still be there and your relationship will be stronger because you will be a more secure person walking into this relationship.

Good luck and all the best!!!

Answer 4

I don't think it matterss if you are officially divorced or not. What matters is how you're feeling about the whole thing - do you want to jump back into a possible relationship at this point? Do you think you are in a good enough place with yourself to be involved with someone else? If it all seems good, then I'd say, go for it. But slowly. And be sure buddy knows your situation and is okay with the fact that you may not want to jump in head over heels. Good luck.

Answer 5

Only you can answer this question. There are no set guidelines to when you should start dating. No one else knows what it was like for you and no one knows how long the marriage has been bad.

If you feel ready to date someone recreationally, go for it. Recreational dating is just for fun and it is not about finding a new husband. I think that some reflection is needed on your part before truly looking for a new life partner. It would be a good idea to evaluate and let go of any baggage you have from the marriage first. This could mean emotional or financial.

Answer 6

I see nothing wrong with dating, as long as you are open and honest with the new person in your life. However, I would be really carefully about getting too close to someone new too quickly. Whether it feels like it or not, you're probably really vulnerable right now. I'd encourage you to spend some time learning who the new, single YOU is before committing to a serious relationship.

Answer 7

It's definitely too early if you don't want to be considered cheating!

That probably wouldn't matter to someone like you, because it's obvious your young and you already started your life married and divorced.

Cool down and become a little mature. If you already rush into another relationship, the same thing that happened with the first is gonna happen with the second.

Answer 8

It is not too soon to start dating, as you were separated long before the actual event took place I am sure. But be careful, don't get serious. Many disastrous affairs are started too soon after a separation,divorce,death. As you are very venerable after a separation/divorce. Keep it light. And I would not date for awhile, I would get my feet on the ground,know what direction my life is taking now and get myself in the place I wanted to be that caused my separation. I think you should slow down for a little while and smell the roses. There are tons and tons of "fish" out there, go shopping for awhile. Good Luck -

Answer 9

Personal preferance on how soon to date.

Since you have no children the divorce should happen fairly quickly, why not just wait?

Be able to hold your head high and say you never did anything to jeopardize your marriage.

I don't think there is anything actually wrong with dating before divorce is final, but if you date and it leads to sex while still married then I have a problem, even if he did it first.

Answer 10

How about becoming friends with this person and spending time with him in a platonic way. You get to start the relationship in a good solid way and progress to a more intimate relationship once your divorced and ready to have that type of relationship. Best of both worlds and not rushed.

Answer 11

Why jump into something when your not past what your going through with your husband. Get to know the person before dating him .
This is DOUBLETROUBLE Crimes in America happen everyday in America and this is one of the reasons it does. Have class about yourself and make yourself the better person.