My friend said this and it offended me, would this offend you to?

Question

We were going over our favorites from The PCD show (mine is Asia, she doesn't have a favorite) so I was saying how cute Asia's baby Thais is. She was like "She has a baby, how old is she?" I repiled with she was eighteen on the show but is nineteen now. She was like is she married, I said no. Then she offended me with the statement.

"Well, anyone who has kids before they are married need help, and the little "word for children born to parent who are unwed"s need help too before they do the same thing.

I'm the child of an unwed set of parents, so I was ticked off that she basically called me a "word for children born to parents who are unwed" because it wasn't my choice to be born. Would you be offended to?

Yes, she knows they are unwed and why. (They are a diaster together, that's why I haven't seen my father in a while, so them getting married is out of the question)

Answer 1

Maybe. When I was younger, probably. Now, probably not. A lot would have depended on the demeanor of the person saying it, a lot would have depended on my own mood at the time.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry. She should have better manners than that. I can't believe she said that knowing full well that you are the product of an unwed couple. She's actuallly probably already regretting what she said as soon as she said it. Chances are, she didn't think before she spoke and put her foot in her mouth. I would confront her politely and tell her how it made you feel. Something like, "Hey, I wanted to ask you something. You know when we had that conversation the other day about girl and her not being married and had a kid? Did you really mean that? Because I feel like what you said about her, could be pointed at me also. If that's the way you feel, then I'm a ****** too. I really don't like to be considered that." Chances are, she will realize how she made you feel and take into consideration in the future to think before she opens her mouth. If she's a true friend, she'll apologize and try to explain herself. Again, you are not a ******, and the way you were born was not your fault. You have a chance to make a choice yourself and learn from your parents mistakes. Plus, everyone deserves a second chance. It's what you do with the second chance that matters. Hugs to you and good luck.

Answer 3

It wouldn't have offended me, but I can understand how it offended you. While the word bastard does technically have the definition as the child of unwed parents, its come to take on a much more derogatory and insulting meaning. Given the high number of out of wedlock births these days, children born to unwed parents do not suffer the same stigma as they once did.

She was statistically correct though in stating that children born to unwed parents are much more likely to become unwed parents themselves, and if its a trend that one wants to curtail then there must be some type of intervention to stop the cycle.

Answer 4

There are a lot of different reasons why people don't always marry before they have kids. Mine was health insurance and school. I wouldn't worry about your friend; she needs to open her eyes to reality. This was my situation: I just turned 20 when I had a baby; the father and I had been dating for 5 years. Since that time, we've been married for 10 years and have 2 more kids. Happy as ever!!!

Answer 5

yeah. definately. if she knows then thats basically saying that the parents need help and you do too. i would be very mad and i would say something to her. besides kids have babies all of the time. a hundred years ago they were all being born at the age of 10-17. I no a girl who is 13 and she got pregnant two times and had to get two abortions...long story about the abortions. anyway, kids have sex all of the time and they could be protected but protection doesnt always work. i think since that girl got pregnant at the young age, im glad that she did not get an abortion since most kids under 21 do. if i were you i would not talk to your firend for a while.

Answer 6

It would not offend me, but I would probably let her know that kids who have married parents are more screwed than those of unwed parents. Because if the're married they fight more and screw up their kids by doing this. Unwed parents don't fight as much because they know they can leave whenever they choose to, but remains together because they want to and not because they have a legal paper forcing them to live in the same house.

Answer 7

It sounds like your friend has some very strong opinions. Did you let her know you situation? Maybe if you did let her know then she would understand why making blanket statements about people she doesn't know can affect those she thinks she knows.
I am the parent of a baby born out of wedlock, he is a wonderful young boy. He knows that his father and I were not married before he was born and it hasn't affected his life one bit.
Your friend needs a dose of reality.

Answer 8

Your friend did put her foot in her mouth, she is a little insensitive but I would not be offended. You should use this as an opportunity to educate your friend.
You can agree that having children before marriage is not the best situation, but it happens often and she can agree that not all children are adversely affected by it.

Answer 9

Yes, it would be offensive to me. But we need to try and not hold grudges against other people in this world, and try and forgive people when they make stupid comments. No one is perfect. Live for the future, don't live in the past. Tell your friend you were hurt by the statement, but you want to move on with your relationship. If they continue to say hurtful things, then move onto another friend who can respect you for who you are.

Answer 10

People do have rights to their opinions. Although, people who talk so openly with detail, obviously lack self-esteem about themselves. If people talk about others, or how they judge others, or classify others, thats just them hidden under the covers. In other words, they put the bad impressions off on others, in order to keep their bad impressions hidden, which ultimately makes them still appear weak or immature for judging some body else in the first place. So don't worry about getting her back, or dwelling on it. She made herself look like an idiot anyway by just making the comment. Thats why people shouldn't judge others. You just end up making yourself look like an idiot for putting down another, who is just the same as you, because we all come from the same source. Which means, we are all capable of the same things, so why judge someone else??

Answer 11

Well no I wouldn't. Though my mom and dad were never married but I was born out of wedlock myself. My mom didn't marry my dad for a few good reasons. But no that wouldn't offend me at all.