She went straight to this guy after a terrible break up with another guy. She has talked about doubts from the beginning - if he is that good a guy, if he really is the one she should marry. I, along with several other friends (including this girl's mom), just don't like the guy or trust him. He hasn't done anything blatently bad. He just seems like a moron - we think she can do a lot better. He didn't give her a birthday or christmas present because they "agreed" not to do presents because of money. If it were me I would still get her something. She doesn't seem in love. Their wedding is in a month and a half and she is not excited about it at all. She is hating doing all of the wedding planning. Whenever people ask her about her wedding (dress, invitations, planning...etc... ) she doensn't want to talk about it. He doesn't seem to excite her at all. Should I confront her?
2007-04-16 05:58:38 · 25 answers · asked by lend322 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
tell her once, and then keep quiet.
2007-04-16 06:02:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all...it sounds like you might be a GUY friend? if so, are you interested?
as for not seeming very excited about the wedding..i think if she has any doubts at all...ANY...she needs to stop and rethink the whole thing. Its not worth all the headache and drama that will come later when she does realize she made a mistake. there is no reason to hurry into a wedding..if he loves her..he will wait till she is ready... she shouldnt do it before she knows and feels 100% ready.
i hope she stops to think this through..or maybe you and your friends and her mom can have an intervention...you know..maybe sit with her to discuss all the worries you have...and get her to open up...
good luck...wish her the best in life...
2007-04-16 06:04:02 · answer #2 · answered by sylonthego 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should definitely talk to her. But one piece of advice....Don't offer your opinion, unless she asks you. Keep asking her questions and have her come to the realization on her own. You just be the sounding board. That is what a good friend does.
Tell her you want to talk to her and ask
"are you excited about your wedding?"
Why don't you want to be more involved in it?"
"are you going to have kids"
Where you going to live
Where you upset when he didn't get you a present?
The more questions you ask without an opinion the more she will realize on her own if this is right or not for her. Just be supportive.
If you and your mom throw opinions at her she might feel as if she is being attacked.
2007-04-16 06:10:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She'll only get mad at you if you confront her. Hindsight is 20/20 and so is friend sight but her sight is clouded by the ring and the wedding. There is not much you can do here. Also, you don't know how things are when they're alone, maybe there is much more there than you think and they just don't open it up to the world for scrutiny. Stay out of it, this is a major friend danger zone.
2007-04-16 06:06:05 · answer #4 · answered by bilowi 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will have to definately let her understand how you are feeling, mariage is a massive factor and as her friend you will have to fairly be honest along with her. Try inviting her out to lunch or espresso or anything like that and in the middle of the day trip ask her how the whole lot with the marriage ceremony goes (even though you realize the reply and have requested her a million occasions) tell her you noticed that she hasn't been too eager about the whole lot and see if there's whatever unsuitable. Which you could also deliver up matters that you don't like about her fiance and notice what she has to claim about them. For those who do not consider comfertable doing this along carry along different acquaintances of yours and hers that consider the same manner but now not too many you don't want to look like your seeking to smash her marriage ceremony or something like that. Possibly 1 or two. Getting other men and women opinions is first-rate but you don't want her to be overwhelmed.
2016-08-11 01:03:04 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, unfortunately, you have to let people make their own mistakes. Even though your intentions are good, and you're only attempting to intervene out of love.
Sometimes your intervention can cause strife. She's obviously marrying on the rebound. And as a good friend, I do believe that you should have a heart to heart with her.. but just ONE.
Gently express your love and concern for her, and ask her about her decision to marry. Refrain from bad-mouthing him in any way, just keep the focus on her and how you view the choice that she's making. Then ask her some questions about how she feels concerning her relationship. Ask her why she is apprearing to rush. Allow her to think about some things through your questioning.
Then when you hit that brick wall, drop it and be there to support her.
If the marriage fails, be there for her as a shoulder to cry on.. without the told-you-so of course :)
And if it succeeds, be happy for her. Because you only want what makes her happy, right? :)
2007-04-16 06:07:20 · answer #6 · answered by michaeljazz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whew. I was in a very similar situation and in my experience I would say no, don't confront her. Couple reasons:
First of all, you might insult her. If she IS in love with the jerk, she might turn on you because of the way you feel. Even if it's not OBVIOUS. If she goes through with this, your thoughts will stick with her and might just serve to end your relationship.
Second, you can't tell someone who they should and shouldn't love -- they have to make that mistake on their own.
Third, chances are she's going to tell her fiancee. Now THAT'LL put a strain on any future encounters.
I DID say something to the person in my situation. I really wish I hadn't. Now I just feel like a buttinsky who should have just tried to be happy for her.
As it turns out, she had second thoughts and called it off. But she didn't want to talk to me about it all... and still hasn't.
Point is, I know you want the best for your friend, but I think other than asking if she's happy and sure about things (i.e., vague questioning), I think you should just tell her you'll support her anyway needed.
Good luck!
2007-04-16 06:07:43 · answer #7 · answered by doggiemom 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yeah .. confront why is she going ahead with it .. if she is not excited or not into as much .. may be there is a reason ...
She can do better .... and if you and her mom and bunch of pther people feel .. so u guys should say soemthing... may she got his support after she broke up and then feels obligated to stay with him .. i know I almost made a mistake like that ... so yes confront her..
It made me very angry when after i froke up with abusive ex that lot of my frns and relatives told me they allways knew he was worng for me .. but never said it to me cuz they did not want to hurt my feelings.......... I would have prefered honesty from these people than the abuse i got later .... Good for her she a frn like u .. plz go ahead and tell her.... it might just save her life
2007-04-16 06:10:24 · answer #8 · answered by Princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you could confront her and give her your advice. But she is not trying to please what you and Mom want in life. She will have to learn on her own and there is nothing you can do except tell her how you feel and what you see. She will need you in the future so just being there for her will mean more then anything that you can do.Who knows maybe she will wake up in the next month or she maybe to scared to just let him know that is not what she wants right now.
2007-04-16 06:04:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confront is a strange word to use here. You can always offer your opinion in a non-attacking way but don't count on her listening to it. If you want to remain friends regardless of her choice, then it would be best to stay out of it. Sounds like you all have talked it to death and she's still heading down the aisle.
2007-04-16 06:13:34 · answer #10 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you may definately enable her understand the form you sense, mariage is a super element and as her buddy you may relatively be truthful together with her. attempt inviting her out to lunch or coffee or some thing like that and interior the midsection of the trip ask her how each little thing with the marriage is going (in spite of in case you already understand the respond and have asked her a million situations) tell her you spotted that she hasn't been too excited approximately each little thing and notice if there is something incorrect. you additionally can enhance issues which you do in comparison to approximately her fiance and notice what she has to assert approximately them. in case you do no longer sense comfertable doing this alongside convey alongside different acquaintances of yours and hers that sense the same way yet no longer too many you do no longer choose to look like your attempting to break her wedding ceremony or something like that. perchance a million or 2. Getting different persons comments is super yet you do no longer choose her to be crushed.
2016-11-24 22:38:54 · answer #11 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋