He says he wants it that way b/c he can never count on getting anything at night and he stays angry for wondering all night. My husband says he has not been happy for 10 years yet we hang on. I feel like I have tried to mend things but he is so angry all the time, that it is useless to try most days. I feel divorce is only a short time ahead.
2007-04-16 05:07:15 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's not healthy at all. You should have a healthy sexual relationship, even after being married for 21 years. I don't believe that he really wants to sleep in seperate bedrooms. He wants to make love to his wife. For some reason, he is being denied your affections.
I recommend counseling for both of you. You need to examine (or reveal) the reasons for you're apparently not wanting to make love. He also needs to deal with his anger and unsupportive attitude for whatever is holding you back.
You don't have to get divorced. You've both invested so much of yourselves into this marriage. It would be a shame to t hrow all of that away. I hope that you both can agree on counseling, before it is too late.
2007-04-16 05:16:05 · answer #1 · answered by michaeljazz 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This situation is not healthy or happy or even normal. Interesting that you sound like some kind of third party there, some kind of tree which doesn't have much feelings about all of that. How come that you had been with this unhappy man for 21 years, you didn't give him what he wants and I guess you didn't ever get anything from him what you wanted... You didn't leave him... So what are you doing in this marriage? Just hang on...for what? Waiting when he will find another woman and divorce you?
Don't you think that there is time to find out who you are and what YOU want?
2007-04-16 12:30:18 · answer #2 · answered by Bella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not healthy. If he is wanting seperate bedrooms and you two are not having sex. most likely he is getting it somewhere else. I would try counseling before divorce to find out if things can be mended. If you have kids it is not fair to them to have two parents at each other's throats. Men do sometimes get angry when they are cheating, most likely because they are on the defensive. This has happened to a couple of my friends when their husbands cheated on them.
2007-04-16 12:12:00 · answer #3 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not healthy for a couple to have separate bedrooms. It would be a good ideal for you both to seek marriage counseling. I know it may seem that divorce is the trend but I'm here to tell you that's it's a cold world out there. If you guys still care for each other work at it.
2007-04-16 12:34:19 · answer #4 · answered by pradavee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When men suddenly start to act funny like that, then know that something is up with him. Perhaps he's having an affair outside and thinking of getting out of his marriage for another. Just call him and ask him to tell u what's really on his mind. If he wants divorce, he should say it and not make u frustrated b4 the eventuality. Don't stay too long b4 getting to the bottom of this. Its a pity U've gone this far and this is happening to you.
But dont feel sorry for urself. Get on with ur life normally. But if what he what he really wants is a seperate bedroom, then let him have one, U'll cope with it sooner or later.
2007-04-16 12:22:41 · answer #5 · answered by sholly 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Totally unhealthy. We are married almost 18 years and can't conceive of not being together at night. And we have problems - my husband snores terribly, and I have insomnia, so we are not exactly bed partners made in heaven!
You two have to mend your rifts, c'mon it's just crazy to have this bad stuff going on after so long -- remember why you first married and how you loved each other all along; you can get your mojo back!
2007-04-16 12:36:40 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe divorce is looming on the horizon. But what if you did make an effort to have more sex and spend more time together trying to get back some of that romantic feeling? Make some surprise visits to that bedroom!
2007-04-16 12:12:49 · answer #7 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To answer your question: no its not healthy at all. Are you hanging on for the kids? Are your kids all grown up now? You must think of your own happiness, because you still have the ability to have happiness even if you don't remarry.
I heard this statement:
"It is easier to stay then it is to leave."
I think in a way that is true but....its easier to be happy then it is to be miserable
Sex is important in a relationship..I believe it keeps couples connected.
2007-04-16 12:13:01 · answer #8 · answered by Bad Mood 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try counseling first. Separate bedrooms in and of themselves are not your issue----lack of a loving relationship, is. Before you bail, see if it is fixable. A few sessions of counseling will do it.... You may indeed learn that it is over, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. Or you may learn that with some adjustment, you can regain the respect, admiration, passion and trust that you once each had....
2007-04-16 12:17:13 · answer #9 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you keep sleeping apart and never give him anything as you put it then I am sure if he is not cheating yet he more than likely will and yes, divorce is just a step away.
If you love him then sleep with him and show him how much you love him by being giving. Not too much to ask...remember how it was in the beginning and try to take it back to the point where it was good and you could not wait to see him, etc...
be cool...
2007-04-16 12:26:42 · answer #10 · answered by CC Babydoll 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋