I have been trying my best to be civil with my husband, who left me for another woman(while I am pregant and we have 2 kids already)But he keeps playing games to try to hurt me. Yesterday he asked if he could come in to see his kids, I let him in and he started going through my stuff and took what he felt was his, although I already gave him everything agreed on, We started yelling cause I told him to get out and he refused, then this morning he shut my phone(cell, in his name) off knowing I have to pay .25 per min on the house phone. Even after all this I text messaged him(before the phone was shut off) that I had spoken with his mother and she was concerned about the kids, and he wrote back kiss my a$$, I am having sex and my fiance doesnt like you texting me this late!, everything is a game, and refuse to let myself act like that towards him, I am a Christian woman, I just want us to be civil for our kids!!! How can I get him to stop the game playing?
2007-04-16 04:35:55 · 17 answers · asked by AntzaGurl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't get him to do anything. You can just start taking control of your own life, treating him as your children's father, only & as someone unpleasant who you have to deal with as politely as possible, for your children's benefit.
What if this was anyone else who you had to deal with for your children's benefit (and who you could not change & deal with someone different)? The school principal, team coach, church pastor, etc? What would you do differently in order to minimize his effect on *you* and maximize the benefits to your children?
Treat him like a rude, but necessary, business client.
Take control of your own life to the point that *you* don't have to interact with him, personally, regarding yourself (i.e. take care of your own phone problems & meet him somewhere besides your home.) If he says rude things to you, ignore them. If he starts yelling at you, walk away. Communicate in writing as much as possible & keep all communications pleasant but business-like.
This will pass.
2007-04-16 05:29:25 · answer #1 · answered by Maureen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Don't let him in the house again. If he wants to see the kids, he should see them where he is living.
2. Get a court order immediately regarding when he is allowed to see the kids and how much support he must pay you. He has to start paying child support as soon as he leaves the house, not just when the divorce is final.
3. Don't react. He will keep being a jerk if he can see that he is getting to you. Hold your head high and ignore him.
4. Call the police the minute he violates the court orders.
Once he learns he has to play by the rules and that you will not be pushed around, he'll be civil.
2007-04-16 04:43:13 · answer #2 · answered by industengr 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not going to be easy but you start by having some ground rules. He is to pick the kids up at a neutral place like a local McDonald's or his folks house. Don't let him in your house again. Get your own cell phone or a better home phone plan. Never text him unless it is a emergency with the kids ( like life or death). He is scum and well not play fairly so cut him from your life and go on. He is for now on ONLY the father of your children period! Good luck....
2007-04-16 05:16:30 · answer #3 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only way the game playing will stop is when it truly stops bothering you. Make a clear decision in your mind that you are done with him and he will stop feeding on your misery. Don't let him in to your life in ways that he can conduct his self in these manners any more, when you call or text MSG him you are telling him I'm thinking about you and no matter what you've done I so desperately want and need you. A lot of men don't think about the fact that you have children and will need to communicate, he only she's that you are desperate for him. So don't give him the satisfaction and get on with your life and for God sakes don't take him back has soon as he sees your not studden him and he decides oh crap she is getting on with her life I better get back. If you make it easy to come back then he will most likely do this again. Be firm my dear, make your life what you want it to be!!!!
2007-04-16 05:06:09 · answer #4 · answered by Dayla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i had a similar problem, my x was vicious like that.
First, you have to call an atty, you need to know your rights, most likely your divorce will not be final until your child is born, in my state you can not finalize a divorce if you are expecting a child.
Second, he is putting his fiance in your face so he can prove he's moved on already...don't worry life will take care of that problem, I mean c'mon they won't get married, if they do eventually it will end up in divorce, they both cheat!
Next, don't let him get to you, its very hard to do this. he just wants everyone to see that your irrational, then he's justified for what he has done to you. Don't give him that satisfaction. If anyone asks, tell them unfortunately you both have decided to go in different directions, don't give them the scoop, i'm sure he and his new woman will make sure everyone knows about them, then everyone will realize what he truly has done to you and your family.
If he wants to see the children, suggest dropping them off at his mothers, and picking them up there. That is if you have a decent relationship with her. If not, set it up at the police department parking lot, I did that for several years. If you need help it is within screaming distance. Legally until you file paperwork he is entitled to enter the home, the police will back him on this so it is especially important that you go today and speak with an atty. He needs to be helping support his children.
Just remember, keep your cool, it will p*ss him off more, he's expecting you to continue to argue, just don't.
2007-04-16 04:59:47 · answer #5 · answered by Sun R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's doing it because he can. He knows that you are trying to be civil and he knows how to push your buttons. It's only a game if both of you play. Stop playing. Get a new cell in your name and don't give him the number. If he's to see his children, he will need to wait in the car and they'll come out to him.
He's playing rough and he's playing by his own rules. It's time to impose the state's rules (laws). It's time to begin protecting yourself and your children. Get a lawyer now, and learn how best to do that. If he wants to communicate with you, he needs to do it through your lawyer. The game is over, don't be a loser because your kids will lose too!
2007-04-16 04:53:47 · answer #6 · answered by Dino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-24 22:29:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to tell you this it seems he just wants to make your life a living he ll. File for full custody and just get him out of your life.
Really it may be slightly unfair but is he giving you no other choice and at the same time get a restraining order. He chose to run to another woman so he shouldn't have the right to his kids why should he cheat and still have benefits.
God Bless and Good Luck.
2007-04-16 04:45:17 · answer #8 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a loser.
Go get a cell phone and hire a lawyer and get started on the divorce/child support. Dont let him in your house...meet him at a park to see the kids. Be strong!
2007-04-16 04:49:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being christian isn't going to save you from this situation. Get a lawyer NOW. Don't wait another day. You need to have his assets frozen at least until the divorce is final. Don't spend your time on Yahoo to find advice and compassion. It isn't going to help you in a divorce and neither will the church. Get a lawyer and get one now.
2007-04-16 04:42:20 · answer #10 · answered by Lilith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋