My 6 mo. relationship has been intense in both good & stressful ways. Through it we still r convinced we have a future together. Yesterday - a big turning point - his children (28&26) finally came to my home with their partners for a nice dinner. I was sooo nervous & wanted to make a good impression & I have no idea how I pulled it off, but it went VERY well. Recently my man & I have discussed living together - he held back mostly because of his kid's saying they felt it was too soon. I was a bit angry BUT I believe it was because they just didn't know me enough or see my environment & know that I HAVE my OWN ON MY OWN! Now they have seen it & they left with the knowledge that they are always welcome. My man has 6 wks left to find a place to live & having trouble in doing so. 1/2 of his belongings will be coming to my house anyways...should I bring up the idea of him moving in again or should I not push the issue? He usto get very excited at the idea - details were addressed.
2007-04-16 04:10:06 · 10 answers · asked by martiek7 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Such as financial questions and the like, we had figured 90% of it out and then all of a sudden - "he was not ready". His children influenced that & I got it after much contemplation - but now that his children have seen for themselves & are knowledgable about the fact that 1/2 his stuff is going to be at the house & he WILL be spending more then 1/2 his time there (as he already does) - should'nt he just forgo the apartment which is a waste of $$$ and move in? - MEN - would really appreciate your take on this?
2007-04-16 04:12:29 · update #1
it's good you are getting to know your guy's family.
there is no use in allowing his kids to control your feelings and emotions. if your boyfriend was considering moving in and changed his mind, perhaps he was hesitant about living together all along.
you didn't say how long he's been divorced, but a person normally needs 1-2 years to "recover" from a divorce. perhaps he needs his own space for a while. this doesn't mean he does not care for you.
you don't want to be "the rebound girl" do you? believe me, it's not pretty OR fun!
i'd be content living a separate togetherness for now... give him time and space he needs, see how things develop and perhaps you two can live together at some future date?
meanwhile, his entire family has been through an emotional time with the divorce... we can't know how his kids were affected either, so try to have an open mind when it comes to them...
take care of YOU in the meantime... i hope you get some good answers here and that things work out in time.
2007-04-16 04:22:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's not ready, he's not ready. Consider this: the kids may be his form of an excuse. His kids might not really care what he does, but he's using them to turn you down because He's Not Ready. Bottom line, you're man has made it very clear that he isn't in the same place as you, so what you need to do is not harbor his junk, make him find a place for it and let him get his own apartment. Keep your lives separate until things are made more official.
2007-04-16 11:20:08 · answer #2 · answered by Dr. Kat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They are his kids, and HE needs a a place to live - do not rescue this man. Six months of knowing him is not that long of a time - you both have only been on your "best" behavior. You should wait for a full year before taking that step. One visit by his kids is a good thing, not the end result. It seems like he is concerned what his kids will think of him living with a woman, and he needs to deal with that.
2007-04-16 11:20:16 · answer #3 · answered by molly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By moving in with you, you wil take away his manhood and his freedom. At his age, perhaps that's all his got.
Don't push it. If he doesn't want to move in, he doesn't want to move in. 6 months into a relationship is too soon to make such delicate decisions such as moving in together. Honest. Give it some time, you are rushing and pushing things and that will make him run away. He will spend most of his time with you anyway, but let him have his own space and pake up his mind at HIS pace, not yours.
I'm sure that you mean well, but your are twisting a grown man's arm into moving in with you. You offer, he declined, accept it and let it be.
Good luck
2007-04-16 11:15:31 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you've proven yourself to his children (that's an important thing) and if he's wanting you to store some of his things there but doesn't plan on moving in, I'd ask more questions. If he refuses to move in, and yet you guys get along well and the kids like you and no moral issues, I'd want to know what the problem is. Don't let him "use" you. If he's not ready to move, that's his own thing, but I wouldn't store his furniture either, you know?
2007-04-16 11:14:45 · answer #5 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What man tiptoes around what their children think. He just needs to tell them that this is how it is and quit walking on eggshells. He should be respected as their parent and should make whatever decision is right for himself. His kids are plenty old enough to run their own lives and should let their father run his. You do not need to stress out about what they think either. As long as you are polite and respectful, that is all you need to do. You do not have to prove yourself to anyone.
2007-04-16 11:19:55 · answer #6 · answered by Raspberi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
6 months. I'd be very concerned about HIS ability to survive on his own, regardless of his circumstances.
Are there other reasons your pushing this. Consider the fact that he will drag you down....
2007-04-16 11:20:06 · answer #7 · answered by steinerrw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be so pushy. He can make up his own mind. He doesn't need to be pulled by you in one direction and his kids in another. If he loves you then be happy with that for now.
2007-04-16 11:57:05 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let him move in until he proposed to you and until you are married to him.
2007-04-16 12:42:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about his wife?
2007-04-16 11:19:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋