How Do I Tell My Husband That I Can't Keep Paying His Bills?

Question

I just got married 7 months ago and my husband left his business to move to where I live. Since then we have dwindled his savings to nothing and he is having a hard time finding a job down here. I have been paying his bills for him the last few months and I just don't make enough to handle his and handle mine. Plus, I'm pregnant and I'm trying to get things ready for the baby. What can I do? I know he left his job to move to be with me. Now he can't find any kind of work here. I want to help him out as much as possible but he has responsibilities too. Helpppppppp

Answer 1

Be direct...let him know the situation, It sounds like he really didnt have a solid plan of his own when he moved down there of providing for you.....

Answer 2

Oof, you're a rude, unpleasant little thing, aren't you? Your kid is clearly in good and capable hands. Let's assume that your grandmother doesn't have a stroke and uses all her money to take care of herself before taking care of you and your spoiled self. Because, newsflash, she'll probably need her money take care of herself if she goes into a nursing home. So, perhaps you want to rethink being such a parasite and sucking her dry. The downpayment for our house was $35,000 and our monthly mortgage payments are somewhere in the neighborhood of $800. Insurance for both our cars and our house run us about $3000 a year. The average car payment is $300 a month for the car, so assume that you will have car payments of $600 for the two of you. Electricity will run you about $100 a month when you aren't running heat and AC. When you ARE running heat and AC you're looking at $250 a month. Water and garbage will be about $100 a month. Phones run us $120 a month. Internet and cable also run us about $100 a month. My student loan payment is $120 a month, but when I got out of undergrad that number was closer to $500. So, expect to pay that. Food is probably $250, going out is probably $150. So, all of that said, your worst case scenario number is $3,020 a month. This doesn't include health insurance (which you'll have to buy as a private person because my employer covers mine, but won't have an employer) which will be probably another $3000 a year. You haven't clothed yourselves yet and I'm guessing your child will eventually want to participate in sports or arts activities which you'll have to pay for. Also, you'll need baby and toddler furniture, books and toys. And do you plan on putting him/her in daycare? That's another 1000-1500 a month. Plus, your college tuition. Plus gas. Plus home repairs. It's expensive to be a grownup, kid. You also have NO idea how time consuming medical or vet school is. I sincerely doubt you'll be able to get your 10 grade english homework done with a baby much less your vet practicums with an 8 year old needed to be picked up from school. I don't think you're stupid, just unbelievably naive.

Answer 3

7 months is plenty of time to find a job. Most cities have a web site with job opportunities in the area, and unless you live in a very rural area he should have been able to come up with something by now. In his defense, he may be a little overwhelmed being in a new place and may be suffering from a sort of culture shock depending where he moved from and to. That said, try having the "new daddy" talk with him.New marriage and parenthood is overwhelming enough and let him know that the unstableness of his financial situation is too stressful for you to maintain your own responsibilities, including the health of you baby, because believe me if you are feeling stress right now so is your unborn child. Good Luck!!

Answer 4

I'm having financiall difficulties myself, and I'm not married, so I understand how you feel =). Just sit down with him and stress the importance of him finding something, ANYTHING that will help with the bills, even if it's part time. If you guys have a computer, he can even work online, there are programs that are out there that he can buy and register with companies who pay him to work from home. I'm getting ready to do this myself when my tax money comes in. Let him know that the money just isn't there and since the baby is on the way, he reallly needs to step up to the plate. It's not fair for you to juggle everything at once w/o his help. Keep me posted!

Answer 5

Not very good planning. Every week you both need to sit at a table and look over the bills. You both need to be aware of everything that is being spent. Maybe you need to move where he used to live and have work. Tell him that you just do not have the money to pay for everything and give him 30 days to find some kind of work or he will have to go back to where he came from. Then it is your choice whether you still want him, whether you are pregnant or not. You may have to go back with him. Marriage is sacrifice, and when you think you have sacrificed it all, you will sacrifice again. That's life.

Answer 6

What's wrong with putting the bills in one pile and the bank statements in another and saying this is what must go out and this is what is coming in?

News like this doesn't get better by sitting on it. Sit down at the dining room table and lay out the facts, no blame and then start looking for solutions.

More income is one way.
Fewer bills is another.
A consolidation loan may be an option if there are no others.
Negotiating with creditors for lower payments for a time is a solution.

Just keep in mind that you want to attack the problem, not one another.

Answer 7

Tell him he needs to find a job, no matter how little it pays or how little he likes the work. You're pregnant - you can't stop the baby from growing and soon you'll be unable to work altogether. He needs to have some money coming in, even if it isn't the job he wants. He can keep searching for a better job while working the other one, but you can't support both of you, and he shouldn't expect you to.

Answer 8

Actually if you got married 7 months ago he doesn't have bills. "You guys" have bills. Marriage is a finiancial partnership as well as an emotional and social one. So I'd say the first step is to work out how you guys can pay "our" bills.

Now, that doesn't mean he shouldn't be contributing. It is REALLY hard to stomach but he may need to take a job that he is overqualified for until something new comes up.

Finally...be honest! Tell him you are stressed out about this. Tell him that you are concerned that he still isn't working and contributing. Honesty honesty honesty!!! You already know that he loves you. Honesty won't change that.

Answer 9

Let him know he cannot always have the job he wants. He needs to take the first available job that comes and he can look for another job while he is working, but at least he will have some income coming in.

Answer 10

If he is truly trying to have work but cant find it because of the job market, then it would be totally unfair of you not to help him. At some point in the future you will need a little help and Im sure he'll jump in for you.

Answer 11

He has to get some kind of a job bringing money in, it is not fair to you to have to keep supporting him. Don't let him make you feel guilty just because he can't find a job.