is it easy to stay away from sex in married life??

Question

my husband has no time for me...too busy to have sex. i stopped seducing as it has proved waste of time. whats the use if he has sex with me when i initiate??i feel a man should come to his wife on his own...i cant seduce him all the time right? otherwise he is a good husband...loves me very much. mostly he goes to work in the night and comes back home in the morning very tired....is this causing lack of interest in him??
sometimes he feels guilty and tries to have sex in a hurry which irritates me.what should i do? does this mean he doesnt love me??? plz give me sincere answers...i need help and i'm very depressed...i feel the worst thing to face is rejection from the person i love the most....

I'M MARRIED ONLY FOR 3 MONTHS NOW....

Answer 1

It sounds like roles have been reversed in your situation. It is usually the man that wants to have sex, more so than the woman.

What men are always advised to do when things are the other way around, is to take the pressure off of the woman by learning to be more non-sexually affectionate with their wives. I would advise you to take this same approach.

Sex is a by-product of a loving relationship full of affection. I believe that you will reap the benefits of a sexually fulfilling marriage if you begin to take the pressure to have sex off of him. It can be very hard to do natural things while under pressure.

It may be difficult for you to do, at first. But try putting romance before sex and see what results you have.

For instance, when your husband has a night off from work, suggest a nice evening out with dinner, or dancing, or a good movie. Go for romantic evening strolls or scenic drives together, where you can talk about anything and everything.

Encourage him and let him know that you appreciate everything that he is doing for the both of you. Express how proud you are of him for working so hard. Be affectionate and give him sweet kisses on the cheek when you walk by him. Hold his hand, tell him you love him often. Practice doing these things without the expectation of sex, and you may be pleasantly surprised.

Also, wear some subtly sexy clothing around the house every now and then, without the intent to seduce him. Just let him notice you here and there.

For example, let him see you doing aerobics in the living room in some spandex shorts and a sports bra. Or cook dinner in some daisy dukes. Or let him see you making breakfast while wearing a see through robe and nothing underneath. Seduce him without seducing him, and don't say a word about sex.

I'd love to hear how this works!
Good luck!

Answer 2

It sounds like a couple of problems are at work here.

The primary problem is his schedule. He works at night which is the time you would normally have sex.

He gets off in the morning about the time you are getting up.
You are rested and he is tired. You may or may not be a morning person. Some people are grouchy as h*ll when they wake up.

It doesn't matter who initiates the sex. Whichever partner wants it the most often is usually the instigator. So what? If he starts telling you he has a headache all the time you might have a problem.

Is your appearance when he comes home of a morning sexy or do you look sort of frumpy like you just got out of bed?

Maybe a nice dinner in the early evening with candles and soft music might cause a romantic mood.

Answer 3

I am not sure if you have tried talking to him as of yet, but I think if you haven't I would in the right setting ask him if something is wrong...
He may have a lot of stress at work... Don't assume the worst... Try being there and listening to what is on his mind... Follow that lead, and take it from there...
I am sure it will pass... Marriage is new to you, so you may be worried about how to go about it... I have been married for almost 15 years, and it is one heck of a roller coaster ride... In the first year, I was so scared of it falling apart. I don't know why, but every year it got stronger...
My hubby is the opposite .... Sometimes sexual drives are different in men... And I am guessing what ever it is with your hubby will pass...
Stop even confronting him in a sexual way, and let him come to you... Wear your pretty lingerie even though. I am sure he will come running in no time...
Give it some time... It will work out...
Chin up chicky, don't give up! ♥

Answer 4

It's time you both sit down and discuss the situation especially since you are still newly-weds.

Working nights is very difficult for many people as they never seem to get the so needed rest during the day.

Try and set up a "date-night" for the both of you when he is off and has rested. Don't nag about sex all the time as you are only putting the pressure on him to perform when he is exhausted.

If you feel your husband needs a check-up by a doctor to make sure his health is in good condition, then suggest that but don't nag him.

Answer 5

With your hubby working nights...i'm sure he is tired when he gets home........perhaps letting him get the sleep he needs...then try waking him up in a 'special way' before it's time for him to head off to work again....or hop in the shower with him before he gets ready for work.
Also, the nights he doesn't have to work...try to make a romantic dinner for the two of you...and seduce him again....if he backs off........sit down with him calmly and ask what it its that's troubling him so much that he doesn't have the time or patience to be intimate with you. Tell him it is making you feel unloved and rejected from him, the man you love the most* Being married only 3months....you two should be 'hopping'every chance you get*~
Best be talkin to him* find out what's going on.
Communication Trust and Honesty are the 3 keys to a long healthy relationship * Best Wishes*

Answer 6

wow a newly wed....congratulation! don't worry over it, when we were newly weds,(married 29 yrs now) seemed pretty much the same, I had to be the one to initiate it if I was going to have sex, it's OK. I always told my hubby right from the start, I don't like "quickies". so we always waited until we had time, but I would ask him if he would once in awhile be the one who initiates it, let him know how you feel, always keep an open door, communication is the key to great sex,and a good marriage. he can't read your mind. try setting a date night so you both can be rested and know what to expect. you need to keep a weekly date night especially now where your newly weds. It will all work out if you keep on with the communication.

Answer 7

Wow ... I am sorry that you are feeling this way. But let me encourage you from my personal experience. I've been where your husband is (it wasn't nearly as early on as his though), and if all things are equal (I wasn't cheating and if he's not either), than I would say, yes he loves you. His schedule is more than likely the problem and not his love for you.

As unromantic as it sounds, I think the two of you should schedule when you are going to have sex. That way he can make extra efforts and you won't feel the pressure of being the person that makes this part of your relationship happen.

He loves you, he's just tired. And know that most men love it when women instigate sex. It let's us know that we matter to you.

Answer 8

WOW.You have only been married for 3 months and you are already having this problem..I suggest that you sit down and talk to your husband after-all marriage is all about communication.It is possible that he is very tired but you have to make time for eachother in a marriage equally.People don't realize how much working night's can drain your body.I am sure that your husband loves you as I said you need to talk to him.Good Luck & Best Wishes.

Answer 9

Sit down and talk to him about it. You need to listen to what he says and he needs to listen to you and try to figure out what both of you can do to improve your sex life. Do not blame him in the conversation make it very clear that you do not think it's his fault you would just like to talk things out. Also see if he needs a vacation working shift work is very hard on the body maybe he needs to get away. Good Luck

Answer 10

Do you have a job, hobby? I mean if you are sitting at home waiting for him to come home then you are maybe being selfish. He probably is tired when he gets home from work. I would talk to him about it, and maybe looking into finding something to take up your time so that he has time to sleep. Your husband shouldn't be working long hours and then coming home to "entertain you".