I might be over-reacting and may need to see a counselor about this okay let me try to explain...My boy friends older brothers family don't seem very friendly to me and it really bothers me I don't know if it is just in my mind but I have not seen them for a while and I think I am misundertood by them. I have tried to email them and talk to them but I never can seem to get a reply or response back and this has been going on for a while at least there is a chance I will see them eventually at his parents house but I have been obsessing on the feeling that they don't like me and it's been bothering me more than it should I feel bad because last summer I had a disagreement with another family member who I felt was putting me down and I talked to my b/f's brothers step daughter about it and she ended up telling the other person about it and it seemed to all get mixed up from there. I have tried to talk to the step daughter and I have emailed her she reads my mail and never gets back to me.
2007-04-15 21:05:14 · 17 answers · asked by lindamay 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
My first suggestion is, take a step back and stop emailing the family, for a while. You have emailed about the issue, as much as you should. Don't talk about it any more. When you email again, only send friendly hellos. You have now learned that, if you have a disagreement about something, with someone in a family, that you are not effectively a part of (you are not married to your boyfriend), you should either directly address the issue to the person who is directly responsible (the member you had the disagreement with, for example) and no one else, or let it go completely. Blood is thicker than water. Keep things light. And, let things go.
2007-04-15 21:14:12 · answer #1 · answered by What, what, what?? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Darlin darlin, please remember that you are a lady and you are supposed to be delicate in your nature. The situation you are in is not uncommon. It can arise due to various factors ranging from pressure of seeing your bf's parents to your own point of view about the situation.
For a moment, jus forget that anything happened between his folks and you. Now, go ahead and meet his family with this frame of mind. Donot let your inhibitions hold you back and turn you into somebody else!!! Just be what you are and if the guy really loves you, he will also help you out in easing out the tension (if any) back home.
As far as something happening between you and some family member of his(a disagreement and whatever followed) is concerned, there is always a decent way to sort things out. However, you might have to give away your ego for that!! Try having a one-on-one casual talk with his family members and then raise the point, validate your stand and then make sure it ends on a happy note. This will give you a chance of knowing them well and you'll identify with them in a better way. Hope this helps. Gudd Luck!! :)
2007-04-15 21:23:08 · answer #2 · answered by Muqadder 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop obbsessing about what you think they are thinking of you. Stop emailing them and let the situation die down and don't keep bringing it up. The more you bring it up the more they will be wondering why you are bringing it up. Just go there with your bf and be polite, you don't need to kiss *** but if you want to get along with them just move past it and accept that there will always be someone who you disagree with. You can't make someone like you but you can show them that you are a decent person. My guess is that at the moment though they could be thinking you just like the drama. Let it lie and move on, next time you see them act as though nothing has happened and you never know if you show them you are an adult they may just give you another chance. Goodluck and just move on.
2007-04-15 21:51:08 · answer #3 · answered by jimmy_chick78 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You didn't really state the reason for the misunderstood. Most importantly how your boyfriend react. You need the trust and support from him. If i were you, i will stop bothering his family members let everything cool down first no point keep emailing them when they are still upset about the matter. If you are not wrong they will understand one day. You may not mean it but if you were to speak to the third party the person may misinterpret and makes matter worse.
2007-04-15 21:31:10 · answer #4 · answered by phoebe83 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your story is more confusing than elaborative. You need to take rest and have sound sleep for atleast 12 hours before you decide your next line of action. Don't talk here and there as it causes more stress than help. Just leave the matter for a while and wait for the result as you have done a lot already to reconcile. Think positive and you will get positive results. But remember there is no short cut method or crash course on reconciliation, you have to be patient and calm down. Take care
2007-04-15 21:11:08 · answer #5 · answered by Gaps 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, to help you understand my suggestion...I need you to answer some question for yourself...is your relationship with you bf currently alright.
If yes or no just let him know about what has happened so far with members of his family...he should be able to help you out in solving things and stirring the waters of family relationship from now.
However, if things with him is bad because of this problem then you need to consider this...your relationship with him must work first and that should be your priority...being nice to his family members may score you points...but just being yourself for him is more important.
Yes, you are over-reacting and just need to calm down. It is the responsibility of your bf to help you handle your relationship with his family members.
However, stop emailing them. Let him advice you on how to go about handling them...he knows them better than you do.
Because what you seem to be doing is focusing your attention on having a relationship with his family members rather than building your love with your bf to the next level. His family members are not the priority here....so don't make them so.
2007-04-15 23:05:25 · answer #6 · answered by Dazanix 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know whether u are married to this bf. Most families are a bit unsympathetic to the new gf's entering their family. It is a kind of ragging, for freshers in college. Be patient, give some time, things will settle. Maybe u will have more rights after the marriage, when u too will become a family member, and they will treat u as one.
2007-04-15 21:12:21 · answer #7 · answered by wizard of the East 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks like a you are a drama queen and wants everyone to like you. Get off the high horse and live your life without worrying about some older brothers of another family
2007-04-16 01:33:59 · answer #8 · answered by nice guy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let it go. hard I know, but they might see you as pestering them over something trivial. They have probably gotten over it already & are now focusing on your obsession over the matter. Im sure you see it differently & it hurts you deeply but hunni...they are getting on with life so you should too.
If they have misunderstood you, then time will set things right in the end. Try to focus on something else & stop being consumed by the situation. You will be surprised at the difference it makes to your life & other peoples reactions to you being around them :o)
2007-04-15 23:26:09 · answer #9 · answered by Mrs D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't try anymore. Trust in yourself that you are an okay person and if they are not grown up enough to respond normally then they are not worth your attentoin. Ignore everybody untill they come to you. They do not need to validate your existence and you are a fine normal person. Just don't give them the attention they don't deserve. If you meet them, say hi and hold an inner distance until they choose to approach you. Not the other way round. stay inside yourself and don't expect them to like you. Maybe you do not like them either... :) that is allowed you see... :)
2007-04-15 21:12:03 · answer #10 · answered by freebird31wizard 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋