Some advice from the wise people?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been living together for 2 years. We got engaged in November. Since then though there have been some serious arguments. A lot of it from tension of quitting smoking and other issues unresolved. The last fight was major. Though we have had bouts before, he has never cheated. This time he went to his sisters and her best friend was there. She threw herself at him (she is very manipulative and gets around). After spending a couple days with her he claimed to have feelings for her. After a week or so she dumped him. I finally talked to him and we started to communicate. He says he realizes a lot of things he didn't before and we are in counseling together and apart. Now that he is back, I feel horrible at the things he did to me and get sad a lot. He talks to me and soothes me when this is happening but does not approach the subject on his own. I am wondering how you know if someone has fallen out of love?

Answer 1

If he were in love to begin with nothing should have happened.

Answer 2

Cheating is a choice. He did not say no! ......and now he is really adding gasoline to the fire by telling you he has feelings for her! I would never take him back unless he shows in actions and words that he is truely sorry. He broke the trust in your relationship.........and now you are having to spend time trying to fix something that he carelessly broke. If a person really loves someone it is very difficult to make love with somebody else. He didn't have a problem with this and even allowed himself to get emotional about it with her. Usually men can have sex with a woman and to him that is all that it is. Women put emotion into it. H's talking about feelings for her to. Thats pretty deep for a guy that for some reason is going all out for you being in counseling. The other woman stirred something in him. If he can so easily throw himself into another womans arms..........what does it say about major choices about your future with him? What preventative measures will he take not to cheat when the two of you someday have a fight again. Will he always run to another woman when things get tough for him? He changed the relationship when he chose to take that path.......and that is sad! You are living together and that is considered committment. After two years of your living arrangement why haven't the two of you gotten married. As long as he isn't married yet he is telling other women that he is available in a sense. He still considers himself a free man. Why should he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free? ..........and then act like the unmarried man that he is and feel it is his right as a man to taste some other strange cows milk on another farm.........I am sorry I am not trying to be hurtfull , but if you do work out this problem he would have to put a ring on my finger to prove to me and the world that this man is taken!!

Answer 3

First thing, if one of you has been smoking throughout the relationship they should not be made to feel they have to quit. Second, he cheated, end of story. If you can get beyond it and forgive him then be prepared he may do it again and you would have a life of sadness. Don’t blame the other girl because she is a $lut, he had a choice; he could have come back home to you instead of being unfaithful. When he did come back to you it was because she dumped him. If you work it out, I think you both should take some more time before getting married.

Answer 4

Cheating is very difficult to forgive. It takes an extremely strong relationship to survive it. You may not have fallen out of love. You have lost the main ingredient to love--trust. If you can't get past it, you will need to just leave. If you really want to try again, you might want to consider couples counseling.

Just a FYI----Most people that cheat once, will cheat again, if the opportunity arises. That is not to say 100% but it is real close. They are usually good liars too!

Answer 5

dont marry him! youd be the dumbest bi"tch on the planet if u do. Dump his cheating as on the curb, even if u minus the sleeping with a slut part u still have major unresolved problems. dont go into the marriage only 2 get divorced. what if u had children and they found wat he did they'll be like " dad cheated on mum after they had a small fight and stayed with aunties hoe friend and fell in love with her until she dumped his good for nuthin *** and he choose mum to be his wife since he couldnt get his first choice". if ur stupid enuf to get married it would end in divorce, councilling doesnt change ppl only they can change themselves. also he doesnt love u he only stayin with u so he can tap somethin on the daily.

Answer 6

If you fallen out of love with the person, you simply would NOT care for them, talk to them or even be around them for that matter. You know a person has fallen out of love when you see that they no longer put you & your feelings first before theirs.

Answer 7

wow thats tough, good luck girl and keep your head up!

When you think about your life in the future, is it with him? is it happy? Sometimes one of the big things we have to learn in life is how to forgive...

If you don't think you can move on and be happy with him...then don't push yourself into trying, its not worth it. There is another man that will share happiness with you and love you and treat you how YOU feel you deserve, NEVER settle for less!!

You can't change and individual...remember that...

Answer 8

If you are not feeling loved by him then he has fallen out of love. If you are asking about whether you have fallen out of love it looks to me like you have a good reason..

Answer 9

I'd say get out of this as soon as you can. There is a high tendency of him doing something like that again.

Answer 10

if you really determined you want to stay with him and you feel like not giving up, then you stil love him. if it's a case of yeah yeah whatever or i am not interested or i don't want to listen or he bores me etc etc, then you don't love him anymore