How much independence in marriage is appropriate?

Question

A marriage is a joining of two people, but where does individuality begin and end?

For instance:

Is it acceptable to have separate e-mails and private access?
Does this promote the idea that another's activity is questionable?

He tends to look at what I am opening and he peeks out of the corner of his eye to see who has sent me messages. Is this possesive or normal posessive tendencies in a relationship?

Separate e-bay accounts?

Right now, he has access to my account, but I may not want him to see what I am buying; especially if it is for him. Should he be offended if I change my password? How do I word it to him?

Myspace: good or bad idea?

Answer 1

All the above is perfectly fine.

I wouldn't have married my husband if he insisted on knowing my email passwords. We have totally seperate email & ebay accounts, myspace accounts as well. We trust each others & there is no reason either of us would ever have to access each others information. I don't see any of this as independence, I just see it as the norm. I didn't let him have this info before we got married, I don't see a reason we need to exchange this info after the vows, seems silly & petty to even worry about in my book.

Answer 2

Trust is the key in a marriage. It is certainly appropriate to have separate "things" no matter what they are. But if there is an issue with secrecy then that questions trust. Don't sweat the small stuff. There are so many important things that a married couple need to deal with other than computer related stuff. I wish you the best.

It's harder to trust when you are young. Once you become more confident in the marriage and with yourselves as individuals, these small things are just that - small.

Answer 3

My husband and I have seperate emails.

Why? cuz we had these emails for years, when we were just friends even. Why should we change emails that everyone (companies to friends) know?

I have access to his and he has access to mine. Do I check it? only if he wants me/needs me to (ex: He is in Iraq. He has important documents that might need checked. I relay the messages to him as he doesn't get to get online much).

Do I do it to check up on his "behavior"? No. cuz I trust him and his judgment.

Seperate e-bay accounts?

I don't have an ebay account. If I need to get on ebay, I just use my mom's as she doesn't mind.

If have separate, fine. Especially if you want to buy gifts and not have him know before you give it to him.

If you both want the same account, there is nothing wrong with it either.

Myspace?

My husband and I have seperate myspace accounts. I know his pw and he knows mine. Same as the email situation. We have total trust and no reason to hide anything.

It is when a person opens and closes windows when another person (spouse) walks in sounds suspicious (Unless buying online something for them and just simply say "It is a present and you will find out when I give it to you")

If can't trust, then question why there is a marriage in the first place.

Answer 4

It depends on what you both allow the other person. Frankly I am very independent and my husband knows that it will always be like that. I have my own chequing account, my own email accounts, and my own credit cards that he has no access to. If I choose to go out I just go, I might tell him where I am going, but we don't track each other's every move. You should just tell him that you need your own space, and that you don't want him to know your password because you might be buying him a gift or something and that it would ruin the suprise.

Answer 5

All three items you suggest have NOTHING to do with individuality at all!
You should totally know each others emails and passwords. There should be nothing hidden in a marriage at all!
Same with ebay accounts. You can let him know if there is a time you don't want him on yours because it will ruin a surprise.
NO myspaces - grow up!

Answer 6

Myspace is definitely a bad idea. Keep in mind that as two individuals, together you've formed a partnership. If either one is uncomfortable in what the other is doing, it's a matter for discussion between you, to resolve.....BEFORE it becomes an issue between you. ;)

Answer 7

i'm worried approximately comparable-intercourse marriage. My brother is gay, and it replaced into no longer complicated for me to different than him for who he's. the reality that he likes different adult men did no longer result me emotionally or in any way. even however, my mom remains having a complicated time accepting him for who he's. She even calls gay human beings "fags", and says that my brother does not know what that's like too be in a relationship with a woman. She's cried some cases, and brings up this subject remember oftentimes at social activities. i detect this extremely unacceptable for a make certain to do. She's been doing this for a minimum of two years, she has a complicated time accepting actuality. Like my dad plans on retiring interior the bush, he likes fishing and searching ext. yet my mom nonetheless likes to think of they're going to be living jointly interior the city. Hah. lower back on subject remember...... So i replaced into asserting i'm for gay marriage. i will start up with the entire faith concept. nicely i'm atheist and the only faith that makes any sorta experience to me is Buddhism. This faith accepts human beings for who they are. even however Christianity does not settle for human beings who prefer the comparable gender. a faith shouldn't turn human beings against human beings or make certain what's morally suitable. human beings shouldn't take each thing interior the bible so literary. that's okay to have confidence interior the bible and that faith, yet do no longer enable it turn you right into a bad individual. some Christians are so rapid to decide human beings, and purely enable it take over their lives. They carry onto their ideals so dearly. actuality is gay all people is human beings too. If 2 human beings love one yet another adequate, they should have the possibility to marry one yet another. that's not significant what different individuals think of. they should in ordinary terms legalize it already, there is not any longer something incorrect with being gay. i think of that's usually older people who are not accepting of them, in 15 years or so it will in all possibility be criminal.

Answer 8

its all about trust in when it comes down to marriage, nothin should come between you and your husband whether is accounts, emails, friends etc...you need to be positive that what I have is not going to damaged my marriage, plus your husband needs to know that he has a trusting wife and shouldn't be worried at all...talk to him and find out if he is suspicious about these things, if he is then try to make him understand, plus its all fifty-fifty...would you feel the same way if he has his own account, emails coming in...let him see what you do and it would help him ease his mind...hope things work out...Good Luck!

Answer 9

if you are doing nothing wrong on you email they him checking it should not be a problem. but explain to him that you would like to keep your e bay private just in case you would like to buy him something.

Answer 10

It is important to have your own space there are things about me i keep to me he doesn't need to no.Don't ever think you no everything about your man because you don't and you never will because he doesn't want you to.Men want to no everything about us and can't stand it when they don't.It's good to be a little secretive it keeps them on their toes.