what can i do to become less nervous around people?

Question

get off my computer, i know.

i'm fine with my friends and family of course, but i get REALLY nervous with casual friends and strangers.
usually all i can do when i meet them is smile and say polite things. i can't think of things to say. i just go completely blank.... and into a stupid smiley polite mode. it's ridiculous.

a similar thing happens when i try playing guitar for people. i'm fine by myself, but with people looking at me.... all i can think about is screwing up.

all advice appreciated.....
thanks.

Answer 1

Relax, only care about yourself, you should only get nervious in a serious situation.

Answer 2

Don't put so much pressure on yourself. There is nothing wrong with being quiet if you have nothing to say. There is nothing wrong with smiling and being polite, unless your in a rough crowd. When you have something appropriate to say, say it. Just relax and listen and enjoy. Putting pressure and judging yourself causes the anxiety, needlessly. Not everyone is the lfe of the party and when someone is always the life of the party and people stop talking to let them go, everyone becomes quiet because they find the life of the party boorish.
By the way, I've played guitar and muffed it up a lot of times. Nobody notices. The person playing an instrument is letting everyone else have a good time and that is all everyone cares about. Only a clod would sit there waiting for you to make a mistake so they can point it out, and that person being a clod is not your fault.

Answer 3

Keep in mind, that you are supposed to smile and say polite things to people anyway. I think a part of your problem is due to the fact that you are being too self conscious and placing attention on yourself instead of placing attention on the other person. Does the other person smile and act polite also? Do they have some trouble trying to find things to say? Many times, other people will do the same.

The key to solving your problems is to change the way you think by thinking positively. This may not be what you want to hear, but it really works. If you think that you'll screw up, then chances are, you will. Remember that everyone makes mistakes. If, instead you imagine that you are alone playing by yourself, then you may find that you'll do better. Now, it may take a while to see the results that you want, mainly because your mind may think that positive thinking is a bunch of bull. However, over time you will see the results that you want.

The human mind is an extraordinary thing. One in which its powers have been grossly underestimated.

Answer 4

Ask about the other person. Have a library of stock questions depending on the situation. "How do you know Johnny?" "How long have you worked here?" "How did you get started in the industry?"

There's an old book call "Lifetime Conversation Guide" and also the Dale Carnegie classic "How to Win Friends and Influence People" you'll find them both old fashioned but the info is still valid.

Another trick: stand like there's a string pulling vertically up thru the top of your head. Relax your shoulders back, un-tense your gut, breath, pause and look at the person before speaking.

Answer 5

Relax and start liking yourself, that where it begins. It's really ok to screw up you're only human! The more youi think about these things the it will happen. So what if you say the wrong thing it's just a matter of opinion and your opinion of yourself is more important than anyone else's. Give yourself a break and get use to life cause although they say life is short it's the longest thing you'll ever do. And that's all I got to say about that! Good luck.

Answer 6

Pretending is fun - remember? Okay, pretent that you are a confident, interesting, and friendly person who is genuinely happy to be in the presence of the person you are with. Get the other person to open up to you because you think he/she is a confident, interesting and friendly person too. Pretend you are the host of a party and you want to put 'your guest' at ease. Ask how they came to be there; how their day went; their goals (short-term & long). Pretending, practice, and patience with yourself will turn into a more gracious, outgoing, and at ease person who is comfortable to be around.

And as to your nervousness playing guitar for others, try to remember your LOVE of this art and your intimancy with the instrument; then, either project this love to your audience without considering what they are thinking - only what YOU are thinking, or play for yourself until the piece is concluded, proud and pleased with skills.

Answer 7

lol yea i have the same problem. i always think ppl are lookin at me and talkin about me when im in crowds. i get very anxious. i think u should just face ur fear. u shouldnt get nervous. its not like anyones threatenin ur life or anythin but its hard to deal wit. a trick i do is chew gum while in crowds. cuz u will be more focused on the chewin since u will already be occupied and u wont be payin as much attention (and maybe someone will go up to u and ask for a piece lol). u can also just think about somethin positive that makes u happy when u get nervous. i used to hate presentin projects and reports in front of the class in school so i pretended i was readin in front of ppl that i really admire like my family and friends cuz they wouldnt laugh at me. its a challenge but i know u will get better at it. good luck man. take care.

Answer 8

had the problem for yrs. /one thing that really helped is putting some of my attention around my stomach and feel like i am breathing from there. i've always had asthma and breathed higher up and it creates tension. its also what i concentrate on when i got to bed./ also, in yr.2000 i read a book called the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and it totally changed the way i see the world and people. its not about believing anything but just seeing how things and we really are. good luck with whatever you try.

Answer 9

dont be so dam up tight bro relax there no difrient than me and you ok some times you got to just go with the flow of things and dont be so hard on your self about what outhers may think about you becouse i was kinda like you when i was younger and sometimes you got to be the life of the party and just chill out and who knows if you just relax in situations where you can make new friends you could be on the top of your game. also the more people you now the better trust me

Answer 10

I myself take Xanax and Beta Blockers anyway due to my Health Conditions, and so I don't suffer that, but, I sure enjoyed "Popeye Doyle's" Answer in "caps"/Upper Case!

LMAO!

A good way to "work" on this is join your local "ToastMasters" group. It is designed to improve speaking, speeches, and help with fear of speaking, performing in front of others and crowds.

I believe the website is www.tosatmasters.com or .org.......or just do a seacrh for it. It might be right up your alley and help.

Answer 11

Well you can go up to them and in a tone just a tad too loud say..

HI..PLEASED TO MEET YOU. NICE WEATHER WE'RE HAVING. I'M AFRAID I TEND TO SPEAK A BIT LOUD ON OCCASION AS I TEND TO BE A BIT NERVOUS AROUND PEOPLE. DO YOU FIND I'M TALKING TOO LOUD?

I KNOW. I'M TERRIBLY SORRY ABOUT THAT BUT THEY SAY IT'S A GOOD CONFIDENCE BUILDER TO TALK OVER EVERYONE ELSE'S ABILITY TO HEAR WHAT YOU ARE SAYING TO THEM. THIS WAY THEY BECOME ANNOYED AT WHAT AN OBNOXIOUS TWIT THAT PERSON IS AND FAIL TO REALIZE THAT THE PERSON IS IN POINT OF FACT ACTUALLY RATHER TIMID.

GODD TRICK EH?