Should I feel guilty when I turn my husband down (nicely) when he wants sex?

Question

I used to NEVER turn him down even when I wasn't in the mood but I started to resent sex and never enjoyed it. Now I try to mostly have it when I want it to. We are now having sex 3 times a week as opposed to 5 times a week. I know he would like to have it more, but it stresses me out and causes me to not enjoy it if I feel like I HAVE to have sex. Am I wrong? Is 3 times a week enough?

Answer 1

we cant tell you how many times is enough, only you guys can.

But sex should be a mutual decision, not just 'doing it' becuase the other person wants to.

If your husband romanced you would that put you in the mood?
why not voice that you only feel like it 3 times a week but if he wants it other times he has to work for it, be a little romantic, instead of just asking.

Answer 2

Why do you resent sex now? In some ways you are not wrong but to only try to have it when you want to is not real fair to your husband. Although I would say that three times a week is doing pretty good. Have you tried to sit down and talk with your husband about your feelings ? I think that it would be a good idea. Maybe you could see a counselor about what is going on. Hope that you and your husband can work something out where both of you can be satisfied and happy.

Answer 3

If you believe that three times a week is enough, then it's enough. A very intelligent, respected married woman told me something when I was in my twenties. She said that a woman should only have sex with a man when she wants to. There were two reasons that she gave for this explanation. The first was that men always want to have sex, the second was the difference and the crux of her point, which is when a woman wants to have sex, that's the best sex the man can get with her, since she really wants it. Having sex with a man just because he wants to leads to him not respecting the woman as a person. I know if I turn my man down I say to myself, it's only sex, he'll get over it, and besides, I know I'll make it up to him TEN FOLD, when I'm in the mood, and he knows this too, and that's why he waits!

Answer 4

For the record, regardless of the tv shows, movies and magazine articles to the contrary, not all people are up to the physical, mental and emotional demands of sex every day of the week.

There may be a variety of factors for the reduction in desire on your part, including hormonal changes over time. Some men are never too tired for sex while some women have a difficult time recovering from the exertions of having sex frequently.

If you are truly having sex 3 times a week, you are actually far ahead of the curve for the reality of married life. Many people who are in settled relationships don't have sex more than once a week.

If this is becoming an issue that causes problems in your marriage, seek counseling!

Good luck!

Answer 5

There's no 'enough' for everyone. Each person feels what they feel, including you and your husband.

I think part of the problem is you 'saw behind the curtain' a little bit. It seems like most women want to imagine that their husband loves them and doesn't need sex and sex is just a bonus lovely thing that they share. When sex becomes an issue, it becomes apparent that sex is part of the reason their husband is in the marriage. That makes them uncomfortable. If you really think about it, its a bit odd though. It would be like a man complaining 'I thought my wife loved me for who I was, but now I found out that if I quit my job and sit on the couch all day and drink, she doesn't want to be with me. Now I feel unloved, and like I _have_ to work or 'do stuff'. Yeah, harsh. Its called life.

I don't think there's a general problem with sometimes turning your partner down, though you should not be _usually_ turning them down, which it sounds like you aren't.

For me, 3 times a week, might be enough, its hard to say. Honestly, if my partner was enthusiastic, I might want it more then that, if they were ambivalent, I would find that enough.

I'd suggest you initiate sex a little more often if you can. That way you might feel less pressured to have sex on demand for him, you can control when it happens a little bit, and also reassure your husband that although you someimtes say no, you do want him.

Answer 6

3 times a week is very healthy.
No you are not wrong to turn him down. Marriage is a two lane road hun.
U have to learn that sometimes u gotta throw the ball, instead of catching it all the time.
Stand your ground and explain to him if he doesnt understand. I am like that. Too much of a good thing can make it not so good.
So, give it time to build up and have the "want" back. U get into it better and enjoy it, and are not just laying there like a dead duck.
He surely can understand that u will be more into it if u wait until u have the need for it.
Good luck to u hun.
Ur not wrong.

Answer 7

You are definitely not wrong but you ain't right either. Try to find a middle ground and remember that sex is like your appetite, the more you eat the more it comes. I would suggest that you both talk openly about this issue because none of those people in here can tell you what to do with your feelings for each other. I know you will find the answer to your questions in your hearts if you are open-minded enough to face your fears and start a discussion.

Answer 8

No, you're not wrong for not wanting to have sex anytime he does. It may be that sex is the only way your husband knows how to get nurturing. One couple I know said it this way Carol: "When Bob comes home and has a had bad day he wants to be sexual and I begin to feel used, I want to be more than a sexual release tool for him." Bob:" You don't understand, I really enjoy making love to you and feel so good when we do make love." They decided that in the future when Bob comes home upset, they would lay on the bed and cuddle and talk about what is bothering him, if after they have talked and it becomes sexual, thats ok. By the way, it turns sexual more often than not, because she feels more than just a sex toy and he now knows he can ask for nurturing and sex isn't nurturing always. Hope this helps.

Answer 9

I think 3 times a week is decent for married couples. I guess it depends on how long you've been together, if you have kids etc. I think you are still in the "healthy" range. But if you are feeling that he's not satisfied, maybe you could talk to him about it. Sometimes just keeping it a subject you can still talk about freely without worrying about a fight, can help to keep your sex drive alive. Maybe you aren't wanting it because you're too tired or overworked, and maybe he would be understanding if you explained it. That being said, the statement that you're only having it when YOU want it, does sound a little selfish, because marriage is about give and take. Maybe he's not making it appealing enough to you? If so, you should definitely talk it out. I hope you keep the lines of communication open, when you're turning to a website to for answers on keeping your husband happy, it sounds like something's lacking.

Answer 10

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