In the Delivery Room???

Question

I'm a little up-set right now, i need opinons.... i have three sisters their ages are, 16,14, and 5, i would like to give them the option of being in the delivery room. i think it would be a good idea, at least for the older two. but i got a comment on Myspace from one of my "friends" and this is what it says:

I know what you mean about the whole aunt thing... And not to bug you but i really don't think a four year old should be in any deliver room i don't even know if they will let her in. It's just not right... She don't know nothing about sex then letting her watch a baby pop out of there... I don't know maybe thats just my opinion.. and I don't know why Michelle and Caroline would want to be in there but that's their problem.. No offense but staring at someones "private" just isn't my style. I know it's suppose to be something special but I have seen a lot of things in your life but staring at a kid popping out surely wouldn't want to be on the top of my list! NO OFFENSE REALLY!

So what i want to know is what you as mothers would do, or what you have done in the past, i am already having problems with this girl b/c she was suppost to be my maid of honor in my wedding, but told me that i had to do everything myself, but the way i look at it is she was unable to give me her opinions for desses and flowers etc, but she can give me her opinion for what i should do with my own child when he/she is delivered. am i over reacting or not! please help me! Thank you for all your answers!

God Bless
Brandie

So everyone knows, my parents will NOT care, they wanted all three of us in the room when my youngest sister was born, only i was the only one to see her born, the other two got tired and went to bed, and when she was born they were 13, and 10, so i belive my mother would be honored to allow my sisters in the room!

Answer 1

There is nothing wrong with a child seeing a baby delivered! As long as they are prepared before hand at what to expect. (blood, you possibly screaming ect.) I think your "friend" needs to keep her mouth shut about it. When it comes time for her to have a child she can decide who is there. Personally I would Love for my 2 year old to be there when I deliver my next child, but I don't know if I will, just because birth can be long and boring for a child. I think he would just get too bored. He loves to watch real births on babycenter.com though! That might be a good way to prepare the little one, see how she reacts to a filmed birth.... Good Luck, and don't worry about what anyone else thinks, birth is an amazing thing to share!

Answer 2

I think leaving them the option is nice. Whether or not it is appropriate, should be left up to the parents of the five year old. Do not be offended if they feel it may be a little too graphic for her or if they would like for her to get the PG version by staying above the waiste. Your friend doesn't really know ( or I guess maybe she does but its none of her business) what the child may or may not know about sex and child birth. Some parents are very open with thier children from an early age. Some not so much. As for what the friend said, the way she said it was kind of rude. She may have that oppinion, and if she was supposed to be your maid of honor I am assuming you are close. You should not be offended by the fact that her oppinion differs from yours, we all need friends who will tell us when we are doing something that might be not quite right. However, she was not very gracious about it. She could have said what she wanted to in a much nicer fashoin. She sounds a little self centered from what you have said, but I imagine that on some level you already knew that because, you are so close, you may be taking this a little harder than you usually would because you are pregnant ( I know I hate it when people say that to me too I'm 20 weeks and my husband uses that in every argument but you have to consider there still may be some truth to it. )

Answer 3

I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you what I did. Now as a woman who has 4 kids, I can tell you that the whole business is bloody hard work, is messy (Yes I know its natural) and you're going to get very tired. This is not something the youngest sister needs to see - you will cry, some women swear prolificly, and she will witness a lot of pain. For the older girls, its more of a question of do you want their support? If not, have them wait outside.
For myself, I had only my husband and the medical staff in the delivery room, and the others waited until after the birth to come in.
You don't want others in the room distracting staff from you, and I have a cousin who's sister fainted. She ended up resenting the fact that the staff was tied up with her sister, when she needed them!

Answer 4

Oh dear!! Some people sure can give opinions when they've never had to make decisions like this huh??
This is something that is truly our decision and don't let anyone tell you different.
I would first ask the girls how they would feel about going into the delivery room with you. Maybe sit down with them and watch an episode of "baby story by TLC" and see what their reaction is to that. I think that bringing a baby into the world is a miracle of life and they should be honored by it. Maybe the sister who is only 5 won't be ready for this, she may not like to see you scared and crying or in any type of pain....but you are all sisters, so TALK toy them like sisters and get their opinions. Maybe she would sooner just see the baby when s/he is here rather than take part. Is your mom still here??If she is, ask her how she would feel if your littlest sister came in. Otherwise, just listen to your instincts, you already have them..........Good luck with this and your delivery.

Answer 5

So why is she such a good friend?? Maybe she's a little jealous that you didnt ask her? When you are actually in labor you are gonna be a whole new person. I dont thign the youngest should be in there because I think that it'll be alittle too..busy for her as for your other sisters I think it'd be a good idea to let them see that it's not just a matter of poppin out a cute little baby....what it comes down too is having people there that can help ease you and. Again your friend sounds like she is a little envious of your life at times.....

Answer 6

i have a 4 yr old daughter and she is very excited about the baby that will be here soon. i watch the shows on tv that are very graphic and she and my 7 yr old son have seen that babys coming out of the birth canal so they have a clear idea of what mommy is going to go through and what i went through with them. i wouldnt allow them to be in the delivery room because im sure they would be scared to see me in so much pain, all the screaming and crying. but if u prepare the little one for it and u think she understands it would be a good idea to let her see some of those shows so she knows what to expect. i think the 16 and 14 yr olds should see too because it would be a good dose of reality and it will make them think twice when they're making out with some guy that wants to take it to the next level. whoever sent u that ignorant a55 email about staring at someones private not being their style is so immature.i mean ur witnessing someones grand entrance into this world, the miracle of birth and all u can think about is vagina. whatever, ignore her

Answer 7

Hi Brandie:

Squabbling aside, your friend is kinda right, a birth is very very graphic for a young child, if you REALLY want them to be in there w/ you I would recommend they attend a childbirth class for children, usually the future siblings attends this classes.

You also have to consider, how many people are going to be at the birth, the real question is how many people can you stand to see you have a bowel movement with your legs up in the air.
Dont worry it happens to most people giving birth.
Most hospitals allow up to 5 at the moment of delivery, more than that, is just too crowded and could get in the way of the care providers helping you out, plus a lot of people just adds stress to the situation.

In the birth of my son, believe it or not I was completely alone BY CHOICE, at the moment of truth I did not want anyone w/ me,at the moment I felt that all kinds of people shouting and getting excited and taking pictures, was going to drive me more nuts, than I was already, my husband was supportive (he is not American bred, I think that's why he was not livid)and waited outside w/ my mother and two sisters, I was focused and everything went by quickly, to my relief,.

Birth is a beatiful thing only in the sense that a new life is beggining, but looking at it objectively is very disgusting.

Answer 8

Talk to them. Let them know in general what happens when a woman gives birth and they will help you decide if it's wise for them to see it. My two year old daughter was there when I was in the hours of labor. I had a natural birth, no pain medication, in a birthing pool. She was very understanding and enjoyed the experience. Woman are usually very afraid their first time having their baby because of not witnessing the process before hand. Use your own judgment and decide who should be there. I say definitely the two older ones. Not because it will scare them out of having babies, but they will appreciate it when it's there time in life. You will have given them the wisdom there eyes needed to have their baby. Hope this makes sense, bottom line, I feel it's fine. Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 9

It's up to you, your mom, and your little sister. Don't let anyone else upset you or sway you. I do think 5 is a little young (it might be a little too scary for her), but who cares if she doesn't know about sex yet? She knows that babies are born! If she's interested in being there, she'll probably remember it for a long time, and feel more bonded to your child. Witnessing a birth is utterly amazing. And no, you don't just stand around looking at your privates! Don't pay attention to your friend.

Again, it's up to you, your mom, and your little sister (and the hospital, of course) whether or not she should be there.

Answer 10

the only thing I would wonder about with a 5 yr old is scaring her, it can get bloody and if an emergency situation came up she wouldn't really understand why you are being wheeled away for a c-section when she just came to see a baby born, but of course this is a personal decision between you and your parents. I see no problem at all with the teenagers! your friend is being awful rude, maybe she is jealous?!
Congratulations on your pregnancy

Answer 11

Hmmm...I think it really is up to you. I have had one of my sisters present with me every time I have given birth and hope that I can have another one at the birth of my next child. I would have had my mother as well but she died when I was 16 so I bonded more with my sisters and love to have them a part of my experience. One of us has been present at almost every birth in our family! I was also keen on inclucluding my children if they are interested. One is a 13 year old boy so I doubt he will want to come in and see his mum give birth! The others are a 5 year old boy and a 2.5 year old girl. I might be worried about my little girl seeing as I tend to yell a lot as I don't opt for drugs....but my 5 year old son would be fine!!! I was even thinking about a home birth so they could all be present...even if they aren't in the same room. I like them to meet their siblings as soon as they are born.

Whatever you decide...remember it is YOUR decision. If your birth became too traumatic for the young one...I am sure you could have someone on hand to take her out so she doesn't freak!

And as for your friends saying something about staring at someones privates...you just don't see their vagina...all you see is the baby coming out...who cares about looking at a vagina when you can see that????

Good luck with it...I think it is a great idea personally!!!