Is it right to shut out your in-laws out of your life, when all they do is cause hurt?

Question

My in-laws are crazy people and have always been. They didn't attend my wedding. My mother in-law talks to my husbands ex and buys her son (which is not my husbands child) the same stuff as she does for my son (her real grandchild). My mother-in-law encourages weird and sick behavior between her daughter and my husband (1/2 brother and sis). She claims it's normal because you are brother and sister. She bad talks me and never has been there for us. We decided not to speak to her for the sake of keeping our family intact. However, my husband keeps going back to here the nonesense such as "You should leave her" you can always have kids with someonelse. Life goes on. It's easy to say, coming from a person whose been divorced 3 times and let her kids when they were growing up. Yes, her daughters were taken away and she left my husband as a teen. The term family means absolutely nothing to this women and I don't want her negativity or need her presence in our lives. Am I right?

Answer 1

I think a lot more people shut out their in-laws than you think.

Ever wonder why people never get along with their in-laws?

Answer 2

I don't know how old you are so that has a lot to do with your maturity level. I know marriage is hard. So many people don't marry their dream boy, They get married for the sake of an ideal or because they feel it is the next step in life. People change to, 4 years ago you may not have been the same person. That is not a good excuse for you to use. You made a commitment a serious one. What concerns me is that you are so disrespectful of your husband, tearing him down in front of others. Can you even imagine the pain that must cause? I am a big believer in making the commitments in your life work. Here is the deal with marriage if you do not have children and you feel this way then get out now. Why? Because it is not fair to be with someone you are not committed to loving and respecting..( not fair to you or him) Your feelings of discontentment probably grow as time goes by. What a sad life to be with someone out of pity. The only issue is if you have children then you need to consider their needs first. Love is more then an emotion it is a decision. Once you get married you have made a decision to love that person till death. You have committed yourself before God. That is serious. You will not have that " love/ lust" feeling all the time . I guess you need to decide if you stay with him you must make the decision to be respectful . Just think how you would feel if you were married to you. If your truly not happy let him go before you bring children into this world. I am not bashing you because I know that we make decisions sometimes we make the wrong ones so grow from this experience, learn your lesson and move on. Don't make the same mistake twice Kourtnie Donihoo Debt Analyst The E.D.A. Group

Answer 3

The most important thing is the health of your own marriage. If your mother-in-law tries to destroy your marriage, stay away from her. However, I would learn how to deal with her and keep the relationship professional. There are things that are in the past that you need to forgive and forget such as her not attending your wedding. There are things that are not important such as her buying the same gifts for your son and the other kid. There are things that are critical and you need to take a stand against such as her telling her son to divorce you.
Shutting her out of your life, but without being able to forgive and forget is not a good solution. You need to deal with the hurt that is inside you too.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear you are in this unpleasant situation....

I guess you'll have to talk to your husband and hopefully he will understand your point of view. HE should set her straight and tell her to please keep her comments to herself, and not to tell him things about you. If he doesn't put a stop to his own mother, you are in murky waters.

Remember that many unhappy people CANNOT see others be happy, so they try to sabotage those relationships. She sounds like a very mean and complicated, manipulative woman...so be careful.
I think you are right in feeling stressed out and I would definitively avoid contact as much as possible. Work on keeping your husband happy, and try hard not to allow this woman to victimize you. She will be pleased if she knows you are feeling bad, so don't let her gloat.
Good luck.....

Answer 5

You don't have to shut them out. They will stay away when they see you and your husband continuing to stand to keep your family together.

Try not to fear that he might listen to them one day and leave because you will begin to treat him as if he is listening to them when he is actually taking a stand against them when he is over there.

Keep encouraging your husband, loving your husband and you be his escape from the madness of his family.

Answer 6

I had this problem with my MIL. She disliked me (no matter how hard I tried to please her). She didn't badmouth me, but it was obvious she did not like me. (I suspect that no woman would have been good enough for her son.) I know that she was schizophrenic (hearing voices--she said that voices would come through the TV or the phone and say they were "coming to get her") and refused any form of treatment. My husband knew his mother was "mental" (so did her older son) and did not force me to visit her. (I quit trying to please her after the birth of our son.)

One day, I told my husband that I did not want the children around his mother, because she was getting worse (she said that a mailman had molested her years before). I even banned her from my home!! When he took them to see her (without telling me) and I found out, I took the children with me (my husband did not take his children ANYWHERE for many months because I felt I could not trust him when it came to his mother).

The final straw was when she told her older son that she "suspected" that my husband (her younger son) and I were "molesting" our children!! My husband realized how sick and twisted she was then. We cut off ALL contact with her. She died a few years after that.

You and your kids should come FIRST to your husband. He needs to realize that his mother is killing your marriage. If he is not willing to do that, then you may want to seek marriage counselling and possibly separation. You may love your husband, but if he doesn't get his priorities straight (you and your children are first before his mother!!), then you may need to divorce him and spare yourself (and your children) the pain of dealing with the Wicked Witch of the West (East?).

Good luck and be strong. Your children need you for their own protection from a psycho like your mother-in-law!!!

Answer 7

Do not suffer foolishly. If this witchy woman is what you say she is, leave her out of your life and your childrens lives. Some of these morons here will say, Well, she is family, blah, blah, blah!! To hell with them!!!!! Concerntrate on what is positive in your life, seek people that will uplift you, and leave the rest of those coyotes alone, for the love of pete!!!!!!!

Answer 8

I think it would be crazy to hang out with anyone that causes trouble whether family or not. Stay away for sure.

Answer 9

If your husband wants to have some sort of relationship with his family that's his right and you shouldn't try to stop him. if they make you crazy then you should stay away from them.

It's your mother-in-law's right to buy anybody anything she wants....it's her money.

I think there's more going on here....there's always two sides to every story.

Answer 10

in view of how she feels about u, and the fact she is constantly trying to sabotage your marriage, u are right to avoid this woman, u don't need this woman around your children either.