For the Married or Divorced women or men......?

Question

Okay.....I'm just wondering if anyone goes through the same thoughts and confusion that I do..? I am so tired of the ups and downs of my relationship. Does anyone feel like their spouse just doesn't get them? Do you often have arguemnets and feel like they never get resolved ever, maybe because you just totally got misunderstood by your spouse? But this happens often. I want to be best friends with my husband. But we are soooo different, and have such different views and ways of looking at things. He is not a bad guy, but he is so set in his ways. I feel like I live life his way, my thoughts don't count much for anything. I'm just looking for people who can relate. Tell me your story.......Thanks!

Answer 1

I was in a relationship with someome for 5 years. We lived together. It ended badly. I learned that men and women are diffrenent. It's very hard to find someone who can be a friend and a lover. So I did some soal searching... I just finished reading a book (Rebuilding When your relationship ends By Dr. Bruce Fisher and Dr. Rober Alberti). I learned that you have to love yourself and take care of yourself first. Find out who you are. In the past I used to be so sad about everything, I had no control of my life. Now, I am learning to demand things from guys because they dont know any better sometimes. "Women are crazy because men are stupid" I read that somewhere once. We have to tell people what we want from them, if we don't we become a doormat and become unhappy. Life should never be unhappy for anyone. This is why we need to learn to make changes in ourself. It's hard but nothing in life worthwhile comes easy. I make many mistakes still, I just notice them now and tell myself to improve where I did wrong and not to except the wrong that others do to me. It's great to be with someone however it is better to be with someone who gives just as much as you do! We all have needs and those needs should be met. This is only our life. I learned that now! Now, I am beginning to put that into practice. I also learned that sometimes you have to be a friend in order to have a friend. I knew my past relationship would not work out for me. I had to leave it because I wanted something more! I have more now that I ever imagined. I see my past as a learning experiance. In my case I learned that my ex was a person who was not to be excepted because he should have never excepted himself. It drained me to be with him. He took all the life I had. I let him. I now know that it was wrong. Growing and changing is hard. I see that now. In many ways I learned that I should never except who I was. I am doing better now. It's hard to change what we get so used to doing but it's worth it! Some people don't change though. They look out for people that they can take from. I hope eveyrthing works out for you! Don't be afraid to tell your spouse what you want! If you two are in love and want to make it work tell him what you want! See how he responds. You don't want to live your life living for someone else. My ex was abusive and he cheated on me. I see it as a good thing though, because I learned the hard way how a person should never treat you. I also am learing how I should treat myself. I had help from friends and family and God. It is always up to you! You know if something can be fixed and if you have a good man he will be willing to work with you!

Answer 2

I can say we argued about the same things the entire 8 years we were married. Nothing ever got resolved and nothing ever changed. He thought I should behave a certain way, which was definitely totally out of character for me. I couldn't understand how he could be so stupid as to marry someone as independent as I was/am, and then expect me to be something much different.

I've been divorced, oh..a long time now, and I have to say my life improved drastically when I wasn't dealing with him anymore.

Let's just say, I can relate.

Answer 3

Hi Emily,
I've been in this "Pickle" too, only for the last 10 years and it's the same with my Husband. He doesn't understand me, and to this day, still doesn't. He's also set in his ways. Now after all of these years we have grown apart and I have changed my feelings. Just yesterday we agreed on a mutual split up with in 2 mos.
We talked and I feel better getting things all out and too bad it wasn't sooner.

Anyway, these men sound alot alike, so I understand all you feel right now. I can't take it anymore from where I am! That's us too, we're too different, and we had the same problems of arguing and not being able to resolve all. But, we have the understanding now and it's gonna be better for us in the long run.

Thank you for asking views!

Answer 4

As life is change, marriage too, is that situation the same since you´ve got married? Seems you still love him, but don´t like doing things his way, have you tried to have better communication, or consult an advicer? if you wanted to save your relationship. Sometimes being soooo different, can make you a team, having the best of both.
Talk with him, and let him know how you feel. Good luck from Mexico

Answer 5

You should both try to approach it by asking and looking for the things you have to teach each other. My husband and I are nothing alike and yet, we are best friends. Communication and listening are things you really have to work on. You can't change him but you can change your reaction to him. Stop looking at the negatives and focus on the positive things. We teach others by example. If you feel like you "live life his way" break out of the box a little. Is he holding a gun to your head? Of course your thoughts matter! Who says you have to live life any particular way? You are creating a life together. Make it as unique as you both are as a couple. Don't compromise yourself. Be who you are. Hopefully he will eventually see the things you are there to teach him.

Good luck :)

Answer 6

My wife and I had a talk while we were still dating and its worked for us, we both agreed that we werent always going to agree on everything, it was important that we respected the others opinion even if we didnt agree with it, that marriage isnt a competition where you "win" an argument, there is never a winner. You compromise, you meet in the middle, then move on. We also decided we'd rather spend our time cuddled up on the coudh, or naked in the bed. If you guys arent resolving things its because you are both trying to "win", and whichever one doesnt "win" holds resentment that just comes back out in the next fight. COMPROMISE then move on.

Answer 7

Most women who have ever been married can relate to your story. Even though you feel this way sometimes it is still better then being by yourself! Opposites are attracted to each other-maybe for a reason!