been married 2 years now and love my wife to bits.. but when we married she was a sexy size 8 and i loved it. since then she has nearly gone to a size 14 shes probably in between 12-14, and i haven't complanied to her at all. ive tried diplomatically saying that we should join a fitness class together, or does she wana come swimming wiv me on sundays or after work, i even went on a diet myself thinkn she mite take notice and follow. but unftly she hasnt and wont. the worst thing is that i dont find her size sexy, in fact it is a real turn of for me. i dont want to sound disrespectuful to women of that size , it just doesnt do it for me. now i am finding myself in a tricky situation cos i whenever i see a sexy lady on the london tube or about town i admire abit more than i should really. i find myself fantasising and i am starting to feel guilty. i dont no wat to do now should i say something?? i dnt want to hurt her but i need to sort this out. ....
2007-04-15 10:45:42 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Alot of people are beating you over the head for nothing. If you're not attracted to bigger women thats your choice, and you didn't marry a big woman so it's not your fault.
Simple solution: Get your wife physically active. Get BOTH of yourselves a gym membership to encourage her. Let her know a gym membership is for long term HEALTH, not a penalty for being overweight. If she's not concerned with her health, that's a different issue that needs addressed.
Hope things 'work out' well!
2007-04-15 11:44:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gee that is a touchy subject.But I can understand your situation.I am a 39 yr old wife who just had a baby 8 mths ago.I use to be a size 10 but now struggling to at a size 12.I hate being this size,I feel uncomfortable.My husband on the other hand is the most wonderful man I know.he says just how great I look and how sexy I am to him.The point I am trying to make is if shes not bothered by the weight gain then she probably isn't gonna do anything about it.I am trying everything under the sun and then some.Its good that you still love your wife but I as a wife understand your situation.Its really tricky.Has she noticed you checking out other females? If I saw my husband doing that maybe I would ask him what do you find attractive about her? Then that would be your chance to ever so caringly tell her.I am 5 "8" I m caring a lot of my weight in my chest and some in the typical places stomach thighs,but than goodness you cant tell what size I really am.But even so I dont like my size and If shes happy with it then my friend there is not much you can do about it
sorry!
2007-04-15 11:20:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends how tall you are. Even someone at size 8 could be chubby if they were under 5 foot tall, while someone who is say 5'4 would certainly look chubby if they were a uk 14. However a taller person - say a girl of 5'8 would probably look slim as a 12, and maybe even a 14. It's impossible to generalise without additional facts - especially if the person takes a lot of exercise and has a lot of muscle as a result. And all this guff about a 12/14 being slim because it's the average, do you people even read the news? The "average" person in this country is overweight!
2016-04-01 03:07:34 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are worse things for you to be complaining about. I have a friend whose wife is critically ill with breast cancer, and I'm sure if he could have her fat and healthy versus thin and terminally ill, he would choose the first option. You obviously love your wife, and I am sure it's only natural to want your partner to be as they once were.You've done all the right things, and have been very sensitive in how to approach her about working out and dieting. However, you can't make her lose the weight until she's ready to do so. Have you considered that maybe your wife is depressed? What do you think is leading to her lack of motivation or the weight gain? All I can suggest is to keep making the small suggestions to encourage her, but don't pressure her, and find other ways to foster the attraction you once had for your wife outside of her weight. Focus on her eyes, smile, and the person she is inside. You'll find the woman you love is still there.
2007-04-15 11:08:38 · answer #4 · answered by J Dubble 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well... I can understand your wish to find your wife sexy and it sounds to me like you really do love her and are willing to help her lose the weight...you've already said that.
So, at this point I WOULD talk to her... Tell her how much you love her but how much you want to be sexually attracted to her the way you were when you were dating.
Be honest with her and STAY FAITHFUL to her... Let her know that you've stayed faithful and intend to continue that.
Being overweight is not healthy... This isn't a matter of her having (God Forbid) an accident where she sustained a serious physical injury. In that case I would have to agree with everyone else on loving her for who she is. Definitely.
This is a matter of her letting herself go. (*unless you find out that it's actually a medical issue)...
Just because we settle down with our soul mates doesn't mean that we stop caring about turning them on/being sexy for them.
It's a normal human reaction to be attracted to something that you think is physically beautiful. This doesn't mean that you run around like an in tact neighborhood dog...
This is just "reality" in my opinion...
You absolutely have to be honest with her but you also have to be sensitive with her because the worst thing in the world for her will be to realize that you aren't as physically attracted to her since her weight gain. Hold her a lot, Flirt w/her a lot, and generally "court" her along the way... Don't flip out if she gets angry or sad initially... I'm sure she knows that she's put on the pounds and isn't feeling too sexy about herself either.
Just keep your sensitivity and help her anyway you can.
Good Luck.. :o)
2007-04-15 11:16:28 · answer #5 · answered by ~Me~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should say something. You need to understand that women tend to gain weight when they are stressed or something is wrong. Talk to her. Tell her your concerns without telling her you don't find her attractive. Tell her that you are concerned about her weight gain. That you think maybe something is bothering her. Tell her that you are there for her. Tell her that you are concerned about the health risks in gaining weight so quickly. That you want to grow old with her. Come on, use your imagination. You can talk to her without offending her. Don't make her feel as if it's a selfish reason you want her to get back to a size 8. Let her know that you find her sexy no matter what, that way she won't feel as if you are not interested in her anymore, even though you may kind of feel that way.
I know you love her, so support her and inspire her to get back to where she was. Also, remember, if she decides to have a child some day, it will change the way she looks, so I hope you're not thinking that you'll have a size 8 honey for the rest of your life. Support is key. You won't always look the way you do now either.
2007-04-15 10:54:49 · answer #6 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 4⤊ 2⤋
I myself am this size but I dont look it. If you didnt know you would think I was a size 10. Its hard for some women to keep up on their appearance. But if you tell her you love her and dont criticize her which you said you havent then I bet she will be willing to go to the gym with you. Give her a reason to want to get in shape. Try your hardest to not give in to temptation.If she doesnt want to do anything about it then you need to decide where to go from there eiother stay and deal with it or find another woman who keeps up with her appearance.
2007-04-15 10:54:35 · answer #7 · answered by hotmoma1 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was a size 14 and lost 33 pounds am now a size 6, did it through weight watchers, encourage her to attend a meeting, will be worth it, I look better now at 40 then I did at 30
2007-04-15 11:02:40 · answer #8 · answered by Melissa S 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Get a grip,are you still thr same size you were 2yrs ago,try asking her if something is wrong,instead of hinting around go for a walk in the park or a hike make it a fun thing both of you can doDon't you think she notices you looking at other wemon,maybe thats the problem. think about it what if the shoe was on the other foot,how would you feel?
2007-04-15 12:17:24 · answer #9 · answered by sissy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a real problem! I'm a female and if the love of my life told me I was getting fat it would absolutely crush me into little pieces. You should set a diet for the both of you. Try to stop buying junk food or going out to dinner. Cook her a healthy meal. Go out for walks with her, Or tell her you want to start exercising together to be healthy. Or just be like, I'm worried about your health.
Try to disguse it as a health issue and not a wieght issue.
Be very careful with her because women are very fragile. I know because I'm dealing with an eating disorder because of people's small comments about my wieght. Even though I only weight 130Ibs, I feel insecure whenever people comment about anything on my body. Please try not to hurt her feelings.
2007-04-15 10:54:42 · answer #10 · answered by Stella 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋