Help please!?

Question

Im a teacher/lecturer and I've taught many students in my time. However I currently have a major dilemma. One of my female students is extremely atrractive and i mean extremely. The problem is she seems very flirtatious with me and it makes things rather uncomfortable as I dont know how to deal with the situation. I value my career too much to make anything of it and I am totally against any form of student/teacher relationship. But should I confront the student and make her aware of her actions or inform a senior member of staff? She isnt out right flirting but it is all the time although it is subtle on occassions it is still awkward, thankyou.

Answer 1

I would NOT act on it.

It isn't a problem unless something overt happens. Then, I would confront the student with the presence of a senior staff member.

Some students are simply extroverted and this can be misinterpreted by more introverted people.

Good Luck....

Answer 2

I would put my concerns in writing to a senior staff member(s) and ask their help with the situation. It may be that she acts like that with everyone and is not aware of the inappropriateness of her actions. (Her issue could be maturity.) Whatever the reason for her acting that way, you need to make someone else know who has the authority to deal with the situation in a professional manner. It is important that the someone be a person who an deal with it in a way not to embarass her or to have an adverse effect on your teacher/student relationship. I am sure you understand the importance of documenting your concern. I would not approach her one-on-one. The risk for something negative happening is just too high. Handle it as professionally as possible with the help of colleagues. (Oh yeah, make sure the colleague is someone who is trustworthy and can be sensitive to the position of both you and the student.)

Answer 3

Let me be open please. Reading your question I pointed out two words that are very important for consideration of you own feelings about the situation.
1- You have used the word "dilemma" as a big or rather "major" concern of this situation. It clearly indicates that you are in a state that don't know which direction to go, to your career or emotion.
2-Later you are using the words " extremely attractive" for the student who is flirting you which again manifests your feelings about.
From these words that are coming from yourself and indicate your thoughts, I might say that your feelings has been developed towards your student. Therefore, situation even pushed you to seek some advices. In other hand, your perception about student-teacher relationship goes against your feelings which makes you to be in a "dilemma".
The solution for this dilemma is yourself even if you do not talk with your senior staff. But, you need to come out of this dilemma with one firm and steady solution. Though, it can be on both directions, however, my suggestion is to use of your head than of your hearth as it is clearly the war of "head and hearth". If once you take her out of either "head or heart" then you can easily confront the situation. But once again, I am saying that decision is yours. Even if you prepare a list of advantages/disadvantages, your career will win.
Good luck.

Answer 4

This happened recently in our local high school. The music teacher came in to his classroom and one of his senior students (who was a few days away from graduating) jumped up in front of him (she'd been hiding) and kissed him. He was married, and told her that she was acting inappropriately. He did not say anything to anybody else about the incident (not even his wife), because he thought that it would best be "forgotten." We don't know how it happened (students talking?), but it is out in the open. The student is in CA going to college and did admit to it. The teacher has been fired, but is looking to be reinstated.

I would talk with your boss (the principal) and another trusted staff member together. (Do not confront the girl!!) Tell them what you have written here (minus how attractive she is--that does not make you look good). Tell them that her "flirting" with you is disruptive and makes you extremely uncomfortable. Her parents need to be informed (she is a teenager; possibly sexually active; "jail bait") so they will know about the situation regarding their daughter. (I'd want to know if it was my daughter or even my son with a female teacher!)

The girl should be warned that her behavior will not be tolerated (it can be considered "sexual harassment"). I don't know if you could have her moved to a different class (there's more than one teacher covering your subject, hopefully). Maybe the threat of suspension would work.

It's not your fault, but you may have to request a transfer to a different school if the girl cannot quit the offensive behavior. It's either that or risk having sexual harassment dumped on you. (When I had graduated school, 2 girls claimed a music teacher had "touched them inappropriately." This was found to be untrue, but it still ruined the man's career, never mind that he'd been with the district for over 25 years and was a well-respected member of our community!)

Good luck and I hope you won't have to switch schools because of one thoughtless twit!

Answer 5

You definitely need to inform a senior member of staff as this will be one of the first questions asked if a problem arises. I wouldn`t confront the student but I would ensure I was never alone with her and ignore her subtle flirtations. If she gets more blatant ask the Senior member of staff to have a word.

Answer 6

Tell your wife/gf/significant other about it too - that will certainly help you stay accountable. And ity will make it easier to resist temptations. Believe me on this. Been there, done that.

Also speak confidentially to one of the senior members of staff. Other people may also have had problems with her behavior. The girl may need to be told to dress more modestly or something. If she is allowed to be immodest now, she may find other standards in a future workplace (in my dreams, I tell myself - this is 2007 after all, and I am 60!!), and end up with more serious problems.

Answer 7

Ignore her and act as if you do not recognize her.Yes, it will hurt her but you don't want to give her the impression that your interested. If she approaches you, handle it in a professional manner and tell her in a public area that it is not appropriate that you and her have a relationship for obvious reasons. I would also tell a staff member of what happened. (Document it on paper) So, if anything changes on her end, you will still have a job.

You came too far to be in this profession. You can still respect her, but be careful and watch out for yourself.

Answer 8

This is a pretty awkward situation....especially when one of my students started flirting with me in my past. My advice is to inform the senior staff.

Answer 9

I would inform a seniot member of staff. Then I would make very sure I was never alone with the student. You might try workimentioning your wifr/gf/significant other in your lecture.If you confront the student, it will just embarass her and maybe make her mad. Ignore, Ignore, Ignore and stay with other people.

Answer 10

IGNORE HER. She is doing it cause she is getting attention. Give attention to the students who are behaving appropriately and if she asks, simply tell her that her demeanor led you to believe she was not a serious student. Only go to the higher ups if the behavior becomes more obvious and ask for her to be removed from your class as it is a form of disrespect to you and the other students.