mother in law?

Question

ok, so my mother in law doesn't like me anymore, i think she's kinda jealous because she probably thinks i took her "baby" away from her, she was real nice to me but ever since my hubby and I started living together, she totally changed towards me. She would want us to go over every sunday for dinner and my husband didnt' want to, I would really tell him we should because I knew she would be mad if we didn't. He said he didn't care, he wanted to enjoy the few days we had off for just us. Well we wouldn't go over every sunday night and when we would go over to her house (once a month) she would just start yelling at us telling us that we shouldn't pull away from the family like that. Everytime we would go over, she would do the same thing, yell at us and just scream at us, then we stopped going, we havent' been there in a couple of months, I still tell my hubby that we should go over because I could just imagine how mad she is, but he don't want to because of the way she has been

what should I do? She doesn't even like me at all anymore because she thinks it's me that don't want him to go EVEN THOUGH he told her it's him that doesn't want to go. She's still nice to him, but she's a total bi*ch to me, the sisters in law are also just putting stuff in her head because they don't like me either because my husband would always defend me from them. So I know they are contributing in my mother in laws anger what is your opinion?

yes I am married

Answer 1

I would not allow her to control my life, she is a grown woman so she needs to get off of it that you and he should spend every sunday with her. Now, sure he needs to give her a call once in a while and you might even try that, as long as she talks nice to you. Staying way will not solve the problem,but this is something your husband has to deal with. It's his Mother and he knows her best. Just be nice and talk with her when she calls. Otherwise not much you can do since this isn't your problem, it's hers.

Answer 2

Are you married or not? You talk about ever since you 'started living together' - do you mean married? If you are married, fine. If not, get married, for God's sake... she wouldn't be your mother-in-law but just some pissed off mother who wonders when you and he are going to break up!
So, let's assume you are married: you have to convince your husband that one meal on Sunday is not too much to ask. Then, once you are going, make sure that it is clear that you are the instigator of your attendance at these meals - because it will eventually matter to her that you are her ally. You could also invite her for dinner at your place for a change - just make sure you have regular contact. Her being on your side will make a big difference. Did you go to her house dragging your collective feet - and that is why she yelled at you? You can make this work - and work for you - if you are willing to show her you think family IS important. Otherwise, you just look like the bad influence in her son's life.

Answer 3

I'm a married woman and I am a mother-in-law. I can understand both sides here. His mother loves him so much (she's not jealous of you, she's just sad that he doesn't spend time with her anymore). In her heart she knows he needs to be with you right now, though, but she misses him and his attention. If you live close, your husband should tell his mother:

(1) I am married now and my first priority is to my wife and family. We're still on our "Honeymoon" and I need to work on my marriage.

(2) I still love you, Mom, but I can't be here every weekend. I get tired from work and I have chores to do around the house. We need a compromise. How about we come by for dinner a couple Sundays a month and whenever you need us in any emergency?

If he won't talk to his mother, he's a chicken and a bad son. He needs to stop being worried she'll yell, act like a grown up man and take his mother to lunch some Saturday and talk to her so she'll understand that he still loves her but cannot spend as much time as she is requiring with her. He's still acting like a little boy scared to tell his mommy what he thinks.

You should be upset with him. Not her.

Answer 4

I understand what you are going through. Anyway, keep encouraging your husband to go there, if he does not want to go it is his decision.

Another idea: send her some roses from you and your husband with a letter saying we have not had the time to be there always, but we have not forgot how important a family is. Make her feel guilty. I know is kinda hard to do, but make you can call her pretending you need advice to cook for your husband, tell her he always talks about her cooking maybe she could help you do the same. You will see, she will change. Whatever you do, be always nice and make her look bad. Do things without being confrontational.
Yes she is jealous. She is not used to have an empty nest. If possible, encourage your husband to invite her to go out to dinner or an ice cream, so they can do something together and it will be their time. Something only him and her. You will see with time she will change.

Answer 5

I did not discover a query however loved studying it besides. It is well recommendation and although no one requested you, thank you for writing it. As a MIL I could like so as to add a sensible MYOB MIL. Translated manner Mind Your Own Business Mother In Law. Not to the above author, she's cool. But please ... MIL's .. do not deliver recommendation while you're no longer requested and do not inform any person easy methods to do some thing. You is also very skilled at being a mom, grandmother....and so on. however matters difference once in a while and household to household. So, if all of us MOurOB every person is joyful. It's rough to not inform a DIL she is placing the diaper at the flawed finish of the little one however she'll discover out quickly ample.

Answer 6

it's nice to think 'i married him, not his family'.....but the truth is, when you married him, you DID marry his family.

It seems that your MIL is being COMPLETELY unreasonable, but if his whole family is basically against you (as you make it seem) then I really don't think there is anything YOU can do about it.

I think your husband is going to have to have a talk with his mother. I'm sure it's not going to be easy, but it's definitely what he needs to do. He has stood up to his sisters for you, now it's time to stand up to his mother. Maybe they don't like you, big deal. But obviously you make him happy, and he has decided to spend the rest of his life with you, and they need to respect that, and respect YOU.

Ignoring this problem, and his family, isn't going to make any of this go away.

Answer 7

angry, frustrated and a hole lot hurt, that really whats going on here. It's his Mother so you are not responsible in any way to justify why the situation is the way it is. This is totally between the Mother and son- do not antagonize the situation, let the two of them work it out. It is ALWAYS easier to blame the DIL then the son.

Answer 8

It has nothing to do with you,he does not want to go over there.Ask him what is going on and he should tell you,because something has happened between the too of them and they are mad at each other.When she call your house again if she does call,tell her you will not be coming over until she can control her mouth and talk to people like she would like to be talked to.

Answer 9

I understand how you feel stuck in the middle but you married your husband not his family,maybe you and her could meet for a coffee now and then,just to keep the communication positive.

Answer 10

My suggestion is to keep out of it. She's HIS mother, and it's his job to deal with her, not yours.