Do I keep trying?

Question

My wife and I have been together for 5 years, 2 years before marriage and 3 as a married couple. We were apart before we were married for a year with frequent visits between us, after we got married I found out that she had a serious relationship with someone. I came to terms with this and gave her the benefit of the doubt due to my absence. Well last month I found out she had gotten drunk at a party and hooked up with a guy friend of hers. I chalked it up as a mistake and requested that she no longer have any contact or communication with this guy. Fast forward to this past week, our relationship seemed to be as good as it had ever been... she normally pays the phone bill and I picked up the mail and had a past due notice on our cell phone bill, She had told me she had payed it and so I thought it was a mistake and checked our account online. While doing this I saw this guy's phone number in her recent text listing. I saw 50 in 24 hours. I offered counseling, I'm not sure I should

Answer 1

Wow, it's up to you. If she's been cheating. I would personally end it. But if you want to save it, it's up to you. Do counselling if you want to keep it.

Answer 2

At times people try to be accumulative and adjust to the needs of their partner. This is normal in life and it works well fr both the partners. However there are some lines which should not be crossed. It is clear that your wife has either crossed the line on on the verge of it. It could be for several reasons:
(a) She is a romantic and not getting enough romantic attention from you
(b) She is bored and is looking for excitement
(c) She is polygamous and looking for variety etc. etc.

Try to find out the root cause of what makes her to seek out other men, i.e. what triggers her interest. It is obvious from you mail that you still like her a lot. but unfortunately love alone is not the answer to a loyal and faithful marriage. For that your need right chemistry, where love is but one ingredient.

If i were in your shoes, I'd have had a calm chat with her about her needs, desires and fantasies.

Answer 3

If someone agrees to stop doing something and then behind your back they continue to do it that should tell you something. You can Love her with everything you have, but that does not mean it is going to change her. If I were you I would offer the marriage counseling one more time. If she doesn't want anything to do with it...tell her don't let the door knob hit you where the good lord split you...pack her stuff and boot her out..life is to short to put up with stuff like this...here's a question for you...what if you allow her to get away with this and she ends up giving you an STD ..one that won't go away what do you do then? I know this because my ex husband did it to me...thank god mine was curable, but all the same I deserved better than that...good luck to you....

Answer 4

Counseling is a terrific idea -- for yourself. Find a way to move on. As for your wife: once a cheater, always a cheater. She can't even tell you the truth about paying the phone bill! Who are you kidding????

Answer 5

Im sorry u r going through all this.U have to talk to your wife about it...she is taking u for granted and trust me..u sound like the perfect husband any wife can get!U have to tell her that this cant go on..tell her to choose her own way...either she stays with u or leaves u..because in the end u r the one getting hurt.tell her u r ready to help her out and if she needs counselling.
Be strong...take care and good luck

Answer 6

Get rid! She's not a one man woman is she? Surely you can tell that and therefore probable already know if you wish to continue. Having counseling is no good. If she wanted you she would not be playing around!

Answer 7

Good! If she's willing to go to counseling to save your marriage, if not - it's her choice - you or him! (What in the world was a married woman doing at a party without her husband?)

Answer 8

well...
i know the saying goes,
once a cheater always a cheater,
but that's not entirely true.
i was in a situation close to this once,
and there are ways to work it out.
i think counsiling is a great idea.
if she's willing to go through with it,
then you should stay with her.
but if she doesnt care enough to go,
then maybe you should tell her like it is,
divorce, yo.

Answer 9

Find a girl friend and see how she like's it..if she's fine with it and you and your wife still have greatsex all the better for both of you...you may also try joining a swinnger's club as long as both of you attend with no string's attached any thing go's...

Answer 10

There is something missing in the relationship for her. There is a reason that she is going outside the relationship. Once a cheater always a cheater....