Help! I think I am having a mid life crisis!?

Question

I'm 32, just found out my hubby had an affair (well, 6 mo ago) and life has been down hill from there. I am disconnected from my entire family, including kids. I am very self absorbed, want to drink all the time (I dont do it, but want to, and do drink more than I used to) I feel like I am having one huge pity party. I have lost interest in my own kids, I would rather be alone, things irritate me more than before. I have never felt so powerless over my own mind in my life. Some days I feel like just packing up leaving everybody. I am not suicidal. And I am on antidepressants and anti anxiety meds. What is wrong with me? And I blame my husband for everything. My children suffer cuz of me, but in my mind, its inevitably HIS fault. And by suffering, I dont mean physical abuse, probably border line emotional abuse, cuz their mother just isnt herself and I hate myself for it. Sometimes I think the best thing IS to just leave, they would all be better off. Help me, pls.

Answer 1

Well finding out that your husband is cheating can send you off the deep end. I know because i tried to ignore it-hoping it would go away or something like that. It still happened. The best thing that you can do is stay where you are and take hold of yourself. You will just cause more suffering for your self if you don't. Meanwhile your husband will just go on with his life! You don't need to mix your medications with alchol! Don't worry about whose fault it is- just stop making yourself suffer so much. Start to live again. Good Luck and i wish you well.

Answer 2

Six months is a long time to fester. You are having a major pity party. The thing about pity parties is that no one is there except you. I recognize this as a major depression. You are justified to feel betrayed and angry. It was all his fault, and you should not be suffering because of him, so why are you?
Drinking on your meds is dangerous. Anti-depressants and anti- anxiety meds take you low and liquor takes you lower, so now you are at the bottom. The only way to go is up. Get up and go. He is not the last man on earth, I know this affair made you feel un attractive and hurt you to your very core, but get going on your life. Your family needs you and they are hurting just as much not having you in their lives. Don't just leave, it won't solve anything. If your taking all of these meds then you must be seeing a psychiatrist. If not make an appointment for one. Try to find one good thing each day to look forward to. Maybe it will help.

Answer 3

Don't fall in to a mad cycle and ruminate over this your whole life. My father has always cheated and I have seen far too many women and my siblings fall in to the trap. When you say you are having a mid-life crisis, it's because nothing is changing. Blame will do nothing and in the meantime, you are not focusing the things you can change: YOURSELF!! The one thing I continually see in therapy (I am studying clinical psychology) is complaint after complaint with the change being the furthest thing out of reach. Make a list of standards (old and new). What are you willing to accept in your life? Do you remember being in your early twenties? I bet you would have never dreamt you would accept a man who isn't faithful. In fact, I bet you had the spunk that I have to say a few choice words to idiots like that. Having children involved makes things worse (I do work with post traumatic stress disorder in children and divorce is a major contributing factor.) But, research has proven that living in a dysfunctional family with tension, etc. can be more dehabilitating than having happy parents.
ONE GREAT PIECE OF ADVICE: Read the book by Anthony Robbins called, "Awaken the Giant Within" You will feel empowered and trust me when I say it will change your life.
Don't settle and smile! Often times acting on a behavior before your mind is alleviated of depression can part the clouds sooner (Research: Behavioral Activation)
Good luck!

Answer 4

Doesnt sound as tho the particular meds are working for you. In fact they may very well be working against you. I am NOT a medical professional. However, I do have common sense.
A teen family member was put on meds for depression. After which her extreme mental stages got worse. It was so obvious. But took her intentionally driving into a pole for her mom to consider what I was saying. Once the meds were fully stopped, she actually improved.
I wish you the very best in trying to pull your life together. Do whatever you need to do to again feel some form of normalcy/control in your life. PLEASE get a 2nd opinion on your condition. There's absolutely no reason for you to be experiencing the pain that you're enduring. It doesnt appear that anyone is listening to your cry for help!

Answer 5

get your mum or a friend to take care of the kids awile (so you can have time for yourself, not because you are unstable!)
then, well i dont know if your kids are at school an you have a job, or if your a stay at home mum, but if you have a job then you can:
>find a hobby like swimming or yoga that you can do either veerryy early before work, or after work, or on a weekend day when you could get your friend/mum to take the kids for an hour or so if they won't lake them for a month in one go. Also catch up on your sleep.
if you have young kids then i think quite a lot of people have been in your situation.
>find someone to take them either for a few hours a week or for a month or so. Now since you have a lot of time, have fun. But don't go out clubbing because you'll be happy then, but it'll make you feel worse after. Go for walks, go join a club there are plenty of options for clubs and hobbies! when your out try find friends and maybe even a guy ;D Have hot baths, pamper yourself! you'll be on the road to recovery, but be sensible on spending, your still in the real world! But so many women are in your shoes my darling! So don't worry!

Answer 6

You are depressed. You have just suffered a terrible emotional blow from the one person you vowed to love faithfully for all eternity. Speak to someone professionally. You are hurting so much that you can't see what you do have. Your kids need you, and you need focus. You are right, he is guilty, not you. But don't let him hurt you more by letting his bad choices ruin your life. Move on either with or with out him. Can you trust him? If the answer is no than life without him is better.

Answer 7

Don't regret or ignore your children. Even when me and my bf get into it, my son is the one who brightens my day. If you really want to leave, let him know, and agree on divorcing. If not, just spend some time by yourself. Take a day off from work, and do something that YOU want to do. Away from him and the kids. And BREATHE. Life is too short to be depressed for any amount of time. And believe me, your kids love you. They want to know what's wrong with you, and I'm betting they don't want to see you like this. Be strong for them. Make life worth it for them. Nobody is promised tomorrow, so make the best of your today. Everyone has their problems, but you also have a lot to be thankful, gracious, and happy for. I'm only 19, you are 32. I may have more time than you, you maybe more than me, but we both are going to be without loved ones one day. TREASURE WHAT YOU HAVE. And you and your husband will find common ground, whether it means that you will be apart or together, but you can't fix your relationship without fixing YOU. God bless you, and please GO PAMPER YOURSELF. YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

I'm sorry for your pain. god is sorry, too. Ask Him for help - He will give you what you need to be whole. Stop thinking about your problems and start focusing on helping others - that will make you feel better! Go to a nursing home and visit some old lonely soul and let her talk to you. They need someone who has time to listen to them! Drugs and booze is not the answer - get outside and take a brisk walk in the sunshine every day and thank God for every thing you see - you're alive and God wants to make you fully alive!

Answer 9

Quit whining and wallowing in your selfish ways. Your kids need a mother who is strong and able to be a good example of how to handle a crisis. You are probably depressed but exercise and taking control of your life will ease the pain. Pray for guidance and DO SOMETHING with your life. Raising your kids is the #1 priority right now. Go to AA and get back on track. Your kids will thank you for it.

Answer 10

First off you need to help your husband pack his bags and get him out of your life. You are going through something that you are going to have to get over on your own and no one is gonna be able to help you until you can help yourself. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can start climbing back up. Trust me no one is better off without you, especially your kids. It is his fault for filandering and breaking trust. HE hurt you and you need to get over it! It's not easy, but you will never feel better unless you get over it. I've been in your shoes before and now that I am gone and he is out of my life things have gotten so much better. It may take awhile but in the end it's worth it. Call a lawyer and get out of that marriage. Most marriages where someone cheats usually can never be fixed again. Not saying it's impossible, but it's improbable. Hope this helps!