i discovered that my wife has been having an emotional affair with a long time friend.?

Question

She admitted that it had been going on for a while, blaming me though for being away at work all the time; spending too much of my time on the road with friends. She said it was only to fill a void and that it was more fantasy than reality. Try as I might though, I can't get the phrase of "I have never stopped loving you" out of my head. This is what she told the other guy. Also, she hasn't ceased her communication with this guy. we have a daughter and I don't want to lose my family; what should I do? I feel betrayed.

Answer 1

If she was trying to fill a void then thats exaclty what it was. It does not mean she slept with him. It just means that at that point she was feeling like you didnt love her or need her. Women can have fansty and never act ot it. They can write things that have never come true. She told you and thats important. If she told you then she really wants to work on it. She loves you. She may have said that just because she was reaching so much to find someone who will love her. Again if she told you then she really doesnt love this guy. She is reaching out to you to get you to try to understand how she feels.

She should not be talking to him that is wrong. Are you sure she is?

Answer 2

If you don't want to lose your family I would suggest that you forgo some of those road trips with your friends. Make home your primary goal when work is done for the day. Call her during the day to tell her that you are thinking of her, and to ask if there is something that she would like you to bring when you come home. Surprise her with something as silly as a hallmark card, or a bag of chips that you plan to eat off her body. Send her lovey dovey e-mails. etc.. She is lonely and starved for some conversation and adult interaction. You did not mention if you work a traditional 9-5 job or if it involves longer hours or a long commute.
Hearing that your wife still loves another person hurts like hell. Tell her to stop communicating with this guy and you will change your ways. It should not be hard for her to give up this guy since she says it filled a void, that you will be filling from now on. All of the blame does not fall on your head though, she is the one that decided to contact this other guy and when she was found out she kept at it. Maybe you did not make a big enough fuss.
As the old saying goes: Take care your homework fella cause if you don't some-body will.
Get on the ball man and save your marriage.

Answer 3

You feel betrayed while she feels neglected. A marriage is an entity that needs nourishment, from both sides. Your friend was obviously there for her while you were not.

She does love you and she probably feels very guilty, for hurting you. Cut her a break. She didn't really do anything wrong. All she did was find someone to listen to her and fill her emptiness inside.

If you value your marriage, forgive her and learn from this. Never ignore your wife's needs again. Make her your world and strive at treating her like the wonderful wife she is to you.

Answer 4

if you and she stand any chance at getting over this,,and it is possible,,she needs to cut ALL contact with this man as anything she thinks she has with him is really being emotionally taken from you.believe it or not women do feel truly alone when their spouse is away or worse,,chooses to be away from them when they could be sharing time together,,if you chose to spend time with your friends while your wife was lonely that was your doing,,,,the two of you must have broken emotional contact well before this happened and if she felt that after probably trying to get your attention you still didnt notice she was unhappy,,and lets face it if you dont notice why should she think you care,,this in no way excuses what she did but a lonely heart is one that with a little charm and attention is easily swayed,.this man swooped down when he saw somewhere to land when he had no business and likely she was blinded by him when you gave her little. both of you need to take some time out for each other,,you need to work on what you have left to improve it.if you have made mistakes say so and she should acknowledge your hurt and betrayal,,,,get this out in the open and talk about what you both want,,is it to be together or apart.maybe faced with the truth of her actions she will be able to see what she actually wants once she is given the choice.

Answer 5

I just wonder where this guy lives and if he is married and if he has children. He is probably a liar and cheat.
Sometimes women can be so stupid. Who is to say whether he is an honest joe or just hoping to get into her pants. No man wants a woman who is married, has a husband and a child. Most men have no conscience and they would prefer for her just to drop her pants. He is like a damned child molester.,,,, you know grooming her getting ready for the sex.
Research the guy and tell him to stay away from your wife. In the meantime, start collecting evidence so when you go to court for your divorce. you will have the upper hand.
I would not take this kind of **** for a minute.

Answer 6

Give her the attention that she is getting else where! Is this not what she told you in different words? You are gone at work or out doing other. She wants her share of your attention. Take her out more often and talk swet to her. do you come home and tell her what is going on at work and with friends. She don't care about that. She wants her time. Women go to work all the time and go home to listen to the other half complain. Just tell the women at work how lovely they are and they are happy because of not getting this at home. yours is not getting attention from you so she is looking for that attention. Just give her your attention. Bring a little excitement back into your marriage.

Answer 7

To ans your questions, 1. because the love one feels for the cheater is all consuming-its unconditional, deep, true and undeterred. such that even if the man knows, he cant let her go bcuz she means the world to him, he'd rather be with her and be cheated on than to lose her. when someone gets married for long and loves deeply, nothing the spouse can do that can change those feelings. 2. To resolve the problem, the ceating spouse needs to let go of her lover and make a hard concise decision to let go of the love she feels for the other man. otherwise, the husband cant do anything to resolve, the decision lies on the wife. the best he can do is leave her, but that will not solve the issue as the wife and the other dude will continue loving each other. 3. you can help this man by encouraging him to be more open to communication and dialogue with his wife. you can tell him to get closer to his wife like take her for shopping, to the salon and other simple things women like. 4. the husband feels trapped, helpless, lonely, hurt, frustrated and betrayed, even though he does not show it. the wife feels nothing for her husband and is never turned on, love or happy with him. she doesn't care about her husband and stays with him just for the sake.

Answer 8

An emotional relationship is far worse than physical relationship. You may want to work this out...but if your wife's heart is with another man...you may want to think about ending the marriage. It really doesn't help she is still in contact with him and she is probably not going to stop. Don't let her put the blame on you. You have to work to support your family...that does not give her the right to do what she is doing.

Answer 9

eep, a physical affair is usually easier to get over. Emotional affairs are pretty much impossible to compete with. Hard as it is to say this but she feels you didn't give her what she needed emotionally (rightly or wrongly) Your best bet would be to try and get some family councelling in place and see if it's even possible to salvage. Good luck and may the Gods be with you during this time of need

Answer 10

You have every right to feel betrayed.Your wife is acting like a skank. Since she hasn't stopped her communication with this guy, she's cheating.
Sad that her inappropriate behavior will likely cost you your marriage. Just make sure if your marriage ends, you stay as involved in your daughter's life as possible. She's just an innocent victim.