i told my dad i was having sex with my boyfriend and now he hates both of us. what do i do?

Question

my boyfriend is 21 and i'm 15 (PLEASE don't go on and on telling me how wrong it is - i've heard it too many times - and it's legal in canada) and my dad has always hated him (even though he knows nothing about him). we started having sex about a month ago and a few days ago i told my mom, who ended up telling my dad and now he won't talk to me, he won't look at me... he's just so upset i can't believe it. i knew he wouldn't like it but i didn't knew it would make him get THIS mad!
i just don't know what to do about my dad... i'm hoping he'll get over it but it doesn't look like it right now. this is making him so sad and i'm getting really depressed again. what i don't understand is that in january i was hospitalized because my depression got really bad. my dad said over and over: the only thing i want is for you to be happy.. i would do anything for you to go back to the way you used to be. and now i'm happy, i'm so happy.. but my dad is just mad it makes no sense! what do i do?

it is LEGAL in canada you ******* idiots. i talked to a police officer about it. yahoo! answers is not meant to critisize, it's meant to help others with questions. if you don't want to help then just leave!

i told my mom because i tell her everything.. we're very close. my dad doesn't mind if i'm sexually active (we're very open talking about sex) but he doesn't want me to be with this guy. i knew it would hurt him which is why i told my mom not to tell him.. but she still did:(

**** guys! thank you everybody for the answers in which you were trying to help me.. but why do so many of you have to be so ******* negative about it? i'm asking for help, not critisism. i can't go back and not have sex with my bf. it happened, get over it!
and with him being a rapist. god, he is not! in canada, it is LEGAL i live in CANADA. i was raped when i was eight. my boyfriend was the first person i've ever talked to about it and it was only about a month ago that i finally accepted what happened to me. and that's thanks to my boyfriend who helped me deal with it and accept it. nobody is against rape more then him.
if you don't want to help then don't answer!

thank you everyone for your advise.
i actually just talked to my dad about it and he told me he doesn't care if i have sex. he just doesn't want it to be with Aric because he doesn't want me to spend my life with him. he doesn't know anything about him but he's seen him once and he doesn't want me going out with a guy that looks like that.
anyways.. thanks for your advise it's helped and i think things are gonna work out between me and my dad:)

funniest part is that my dad's 23 years older than my mom! lmao

Answer 1

The only thing you can really do is give your father time...
Many parents have a hard time excepting the fact their children, especially girls, are sexual beings. This "rejection" is a hang-over from the Victorian era when even piano legs were covered because they were considered immoral.

I too am a father...of 5 girls....all but one is out of their teen years..all have been and are sexually active. We have always been open and talk to our girls about everything including sex. As parents we should not condemn our children, boys or girls, when they become sexually active. Parents should understand and be sure that you are protected from unwanted pregnancys and to practice safer sex they should see that you are tested for STDs regularly. Above all, Parents should teach their children about sex and the responsibilities that are connected with it.

Give your dad time and let him know that you are growing up but do so politely. I can give you more information if you care to email me that may help in your help and understanding for him. Let him know that you haven't changed as a person but as a young woman...let him know you love him regardless. He will come around.

NOTE TO OTHERS: In Canada the legal age of consent is 14 although there are moves to make it 18. For a number of reasons I hope this does not happen. It only makes sexually active people criminals for one thing. I too am from Canada.

Answer 2

I have to tell you it is wrong. Your bf is a criminal. Your father should call the police. (Depending on what state you're in.)

Let me tell you, any 21 year old who dates a 15 year old has something SERIOUSLY wrong with him. There's nothing wrong with 15 year old girls, just not for adult males. When I was 21, the though of having sex with a 15 year old was revolting to me, as it is in any 21 year old male who is wired correctly. Your bf is either seriously messed up or is a child abusing ******.

Take a look at an 10 year old boy and imagine dating him. Ask any 21 year old girls if they would date a 15 year old boy. Ask most 21 year old boys if they would date a 15 year old girl and they will be insulted. When you are 21, you will look back at a 15 year old boy and you will be disgusted by the thought of having sex with him. Ask any 21 year old girl.

I know you think that you are in love with the bf, but I assure you you aren't. Most people don't even begin to understand what love is until they are approaching their 30's. I'm sure this relationship makes you feel good, but it is not for the right reasons. This bf is a looser and a child abuser and should be locked up. Your father hates him because he is a abusing his daughter - I would be worried if he didn't hate him.

I know this isn't what you want to hear. I know that you may not be able to understand what I am telling you, but years from know when you are working this out in therapy, don't feel too bad for ignoring the advice - you're only human.

Best of luck.

PS Even if it is legal in Canada (Yes, I looked up the age of consent in Canada is 14.), that doesn't make it right. One day you will understand. Unfortunately, by then it will be too late.

Just because something is legal does not make it healthy.

Doesn't it bother you that the only one who seems to think this is a good idea is the man who is having sex with you? Isn't his opinion a little biased?

PPS Don't accuse people of not wanting to help just because they don't give you the answer you want. Sometimes that is exactly what we need. Sometimes it is the people who tell us what we don't want to hear are the ones who care the most. You will understand this if you ever become a psychologist. And hopefully they will also teach you how to spell "pschologist". ;)

Answer 3

He is probably a little bit more than mad. Along with anger, he is probably feeling sadness himself, as well as frustration and fear.

Regardless of age, there are many consequences to having sex. I am not in a position to judge your knowledge of these consequences, but it sounds like your dad may have done just that. Most likely, he doesn't hate either one of you (well, he just might hate your bf), he just doesn't want anything to happen to you.

Most parents immediately go into "worst case scenario" mode when they hear about things like this, especially fathers about their daughters. They know what guys are usually like and they usually don't know a thing about teenaged girls.

As unbelievably uncomfortable as this may seem, you need to talk to your dad about this. Be adult, and mature, and sit down with the man. Listen to what he has to say. Don't be argumentative, just listen to what he has to say. Reasonably explain why you feel his fears and his anger should not apply to your situation. You'll never be able to convince him that you having sex is ok, probably not even after you're married. No dad wants to think that about his daughter. But you can bring the two of you to some mutual ground, and bring your relationship back together.

Please remember that when he looks at you, he sees that tiny baby girl that was brought home from the hospital 15 years ago. He remembers the long nights, he remembers your first day of school, he remembers when your first tooth fell out, and when he had to kiss your boo-boo better. And he sees some clown tainting his beautiful daughter... You, on the other hand, are growing up and can't appreciate truly what he sees when he sees you (and you probably won't until you become a parent yourself. This isn't a put down, it's like this for everyone). Be sensitive, be mature, and if you really think you're ok after you listen to what he has to say, then hold your ground.

Answer 4

Why your Dad is upset do you know ? Just because he loves you dear and he got a shock by your action.Forget whether sex is Legal or not in Canada but put yourself in his place or just think that your kid did this thing and what would you do with your kid ? That's the question dear.Your Happiness is temporary and time will tell you the difference between Happiness and real Love at present you are getting from your parents.I would advise you to grow up dear and love your parents with pledge that you will never do such thing in future.

Answer 5

That is straight up sad, 21 year old man and a 15 year old girl. Plain wrong. You are not mature enough to understand love. And he is obviously a loser if he has to hook up with a 15 year old. You are starting high-school and he has been out for 2 or 3 years if he even graduated.

It's ok for lets say a 19 year old and a 25 year old, but not a 15 year old with a 21 year old. He's most likely just taking advantage of you. You both couldn't possibly be in the same state of maturity so it is therefore not right.

He is mad because his little baby girl is being used as a sexual object and she(you) doesn't even realize it.

Answer 6

Your not going to like this, but I agree with your Dad. Legal in Canada or not, a 21 year old has other ideas than a 15 year old. And, whether you realized it or not, you are being used and this is what is making your Dad sad. At this point there is probably nothing you can say to make your Dad accept your point of view. Just remember that he does love you and will be there for you if needed.

Answer 7

Well I personally think that having sex with your boyfreind older than you is NOT WRONG my dad is older than my mom so what. Well listen maybe try talking to your mom and if does not work try to give him some TIME. Put yourself in his position and think how would you feel? and how you would react to it?. Well I think TIME is the answer a month is just not enough to get over it. Don't go to DEPRESSION, this kind of things happen all the time and for a reason it just does so just give him more time. He has to wake up sometime. I HOPE this helped.

Answer 8

"....And the reality will set you and your BF unfastened". If I was once you, situated on my dad individual, after letting a few instances move by means of, after he cool off just a little bit, I might confront him on the correct time and correct location once more and lead the dialog. Tell him the way you think approximately what occurred. Let him understand that you're going to regularly be his little woman it doesn't matter what, and with an very humble middle inform him you wish to have his love and recognize again due to the fact they imply plenty to you and your dating along with your BF. I might additionally be careful for that now not occur once more figuring out what variety of character my dad is.

Answer 9

Sorry hun...it is wrong for a 21 yo to be having sex with a 15 yo. I dont care if it is legal in Canada. It is morally wrong.

Having said that....you really need to understand why you dad is upset. The relationship between fathers and daughters is a special one. Dads are the protectors of the home...and when it comes to their daughters, they are VERY protective. Your dad is feeling betrayed, hurt...and like he probably failed in his "duty" to protect you. Also, he is prob. wondering why he didnt notice something was different. NO father likes to know their "innocent" child is sexually active....and to know a 21 yo is taking advantage of you, his precious daughter...is only making it worse. By the way, daughters ARE very precious to fathers, whether you know it or not. I suggest you end you relationship...because any way you slice it it is wrong! Then have a long talk with your dad. It wont be pleasant, but if you want to clear the air and restore your relationship, it is necessary. This is a PERFECT example why teenagers should NOT be having sex. They do NOT comprehend the FULL extent of their actions.

Also, ask yourself....what you are lacking in your life, that you would allow a 21 yo to violate and use your body and soul in that manner. He does not respect you, or your family...he is using you. Unfortunately, you are to young to realize it. When the novelty of child-rape wears off...he will drop you like yesterdays news...I know, I know..YOUR situation is different. Unfortunately, it really isnt......

Answer 10

There are some things a father doesn't need to know and the fact his daughter is sexaully active is one of them. You are his special little girl, still a child, having sex with a man who should know better. There is nothing he can do about it and he feels useless. He probably wanted more for you.

I was 21 when I told my dad I was pregnant and even though he must have known I was sexually active (I'd been with my partner for 3 years) it still took him a back!

I don't understand why your mom told him. He could probably have guessed but he didn't need telling.

Leave him to deal with his feelings, he is angry, dissapointed and upset but as long as the guy your with is good to you and makes you happy he will come round. It might take sometime. You say he isn't making the effort to get to know him - that is probably because he is hoping its a fleeting thing and won't come to anything but once he realises your happy he will come round.